Feel like I've gone back to square one

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi smile

I've suffered from depression since I was 17, but it used to be mild enough for me to cope with alone.

Seven weeks ago, with no apparent cause, I completely lost control and slipped into severe depression. After encouragement from my partner, I sought help from my GP who started me on Sertraline.

The last few weeks have been tough, but over the past week I started to feel much better. I'm now on 100mg Sertraline, awaiting counselling and practising mindfulness.

That was until today, when I went back to work on phased return. I feel like all the strength I built up just disappeared the second I left home. I spent hours in tears, unable to do anything and ended up going back home. I thought I was ready but I'm clearly not.

How do you know when it's the right time? Will I ever feel normal again or is this it now?

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Your body has it's nown language which it communicates to you through the way you feel,

    If you feel unwell, but your mind tells you to get back to work it is probably your conscience talking and you are not really ready yet.

    When you feel ready, willing and able to do other things then your body is telling you that you are on the mend.  

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  • Posted

    One thing I have learnt is that taking time to get yourself healthy is way more valuable than getting back to what you think you should do.

    If you're aware of your problem and tendency to have these flair ups, why risk making it worse by forcing yourself to go back to work?

    You sound pretty self aware so listen to yourself and trust your judgement - only you know when you're able to cope,

    Sadly workplaces, whilst officially seeming to be understanding when it comes to mental health, can be very difficult places to recover.

    I personally agree that getting back to normal can help lift the fog but if the stress creeps back in again, you're right back to square one.

    Maybe set yourself a target - if you go back to work you need to build in coping mechanisms such as leaving earlier or agreeing a lighter workload. Hard as it is to have the conversation, it is an easy business case to prove when it essentially means you'll be more productive and need less time off.

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  • Posted

    I was off work for many months with depression.  I knew when I felt ready to go back.  It was very difficult after being in a psychiatric hospital.  Don't return un til you absolutely feel up to it. 

    I do hope your employers are sympathetic.  We just need time to feel strong enough to go back to work.  You will know when you are ready.  Don't rush it.  You don't know if this is it, as you say.  Just see how you go.

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  • Posted

    Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I've realised that I'm putting myself under too much pressure. In my head I had created a timeline that I felt I should stick to.

    I'm going to try and listen to my body more.

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