Feel suicidal

Posted , 8 users are following.

Hi everyone, 

Posting cus I feel desperate. I haven't felt this low since my mum's death. I am so ill I can barely move, I am filled with pain & rage & drinking alcohol continuously. I feel I can no longer care for my two young boys who are suffering because of this. I feel like swallowing every pill I have just like my mum did this time 3 years ago. She killed herself Easter weekend. I have no one to turn to for help, no family at all, no partner and one friend who's daughter is in hospital so I can't even talk to her. I feel utterly hopeless and afraid. I can barely make it into the kitchen to make my kids a sandwich. I don't know what to do my mind is a mess. 

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  • Posted


    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help. 

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen. 

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need. 

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help. 

    If you are based outside of the UK. 

    The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.

    Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

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  • Posted

    I am drinking continuously too, trying to blot out the pain every day. I know how it feels to be alone, please don't feel on your own. Keep talking on here 

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  • Posted


    The anniversary of a loved one's death is brutal. Especially bad since it falls on this holiday.

    You are going through a very hard time, but the good news is you want help and because of that there is a lot of hope.

    The rode ahead of you wont be easy. But, you have reasons to live, your children for one.

    You sound very overwhelmed and alone. Try not to let the panic and racing thoughts flood in your mind. Take each day minute by minute and be proactive towards treating yourself.

    Small steps.  Go online and find a counseler you can see in person.

    Dont BE isolated. Get out of your house, even for an hour a day. Make contact with other people, as small and trivial as it might be interacting with someone at a shop, it is a start.

    Being alone with your thoughts at the moment is not good.

    You need to make sure you start eating well, healthy.  Don't underestimate the affect food has on our moods and mental health.

    Get at 30 minutes of cardio exercise a day.

    Even you are spirtual, please go to church, join a group there.

    You can get out of this, please just try small steps that will ultimately become your routine.

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  • Posted

    Hi hun

    First of all I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug coz you sound so low.

    I understand how you feel though as I'm going through a dip at the moment and I'm a single mum to a little girl. She demands a lot of attention and i feel guilty because I don't have the energy for her. When I am like this I do the bear minimum.. lunch, bath etc and I'll set up something for her to watch while I try to rest. If u can.. try make them that sandwhich and put something on for them to watch then lay down on couch try to rest. It's so hard, especially when it's an anniversary of a loved ones death. My dad died 10 year ago and i still feel it.

    It sounds like u need to talk to some one. I understand most places are shut with it being Easter but you need a drs appointment asap. Can u phone your gp first thing maybe. Are u on any medication for depression? Might be time for a review.

    As for you're kids.. Is there a holiday club or anything u can bòok the kids into even just for a couple of hours so u can do something for you.. run a hot bath, try and watch a movie.. anything to distract really.

    I've been there with the sui****l thoughts and it's horrible.. but think of how I feel now your mum is gone and what it's done to you.... You do not want the same for your precious kids.

    Feel free to message me anytime. I'm thinking of you from one depressed mum to another. ((Hugs))

    Lisa x

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  • Posted

    Maybe you should call 111 the out of hours helpline, tell them how you are feeling and they’ll be able to help you. Think of your children, they need their mother. You will come out of this, it might not feel like it at the moment but you will x
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  • Posted

    You sound like you are under a lot of pressure.

    Is there anyway at all that you can seek professional help?

    Are there any programs there for assistance for you and your children.

    You sound like you are still grieving your moms death. Bereavement counciling would help with that.

    If you feel like you are going to harm yourself please get help now.

    You need to vent all of your feelings. You can do that here or in a therapy group or a one on one therapy.

    You are only one person. You can only do so much At a time.

    You need to feel better so that you can tend to your children they need you.

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  • Posted

    Hi I guess we have all used something as a crutch to get through tough times the important thing is you recognise that's exactly what it is.

    Drink itself is a depressant and therefore although it will eliminate bad feels at the time you are going to wake up feeling as empty as the bottle you drank from.

    We are all alone at times it's a cold lonely dark place however when your feeling this low the only way to go is up

    Personally my crutch is a razor never used to be however I have taken so many anti depressants over the years I'm just numb maybe in some way it's to feel something

    I mean ppl have just become faces if that makes sense I don't trust anyone I have huge issues with it so it would be hypocritical of me to say talk to someone however the answer is never to end your life maybe you could write notes or how you feel a dairy of thoughts so at least it felt like you have spoken to someone it may help you if you take it to the doctor's with you it's hard to recall how bad you were feeling at the time if you had notes the doctor may be able to help you much more conscrutivly

    You hang on in there hunni your not alone

    Ps there are over 6000 ppl on this forum that are right there with you you have 6000 friends here that want to support you

    Thinking of you x

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  • Posted

    28 days ago I wrote my first post on this forum to Ruby. I explained an amazing MIRACLE I experienced. If possible try to find that and please read it with an open mind knowing it is the absolute truth. I would be a viciously cruel person if it had not really happened to me. It could be your salvation as well as everyone else's. That being said, and as I stated in that post, I realize depression will always be a part of my life, but not on a daily basis as it was for 20+ years. I too experienced a bout this past weekend, but if you read my post you will know how I am dealing with it. Reading your post, I felt the pain in every word. Only we who go through this most horrible, debilitating illness can feel that in someone else's words. The rest of the unaffected population, including psychiatrists and therapists have no idea the anguish and unbearable pain we must endure. I am not completely alone, have a loving and trying to understand spouse but only one adult child, and she only causes more pain by not trying to understand, giving me the impression it's completely my fault, becoming angry and hostile with me. Does she think it's what I want, who knows? Who cares? I know. My point, whether you are physically alone or surrounded by caring people makes no difference. We are alone. That was how I felt, but no longer. I now am able, after a period of suffering to get relief. Our true, loving, forgiving and merciful God is there with us every moment of this unpleasant journey through the life we were born with, never asked for or wanted. Why are we chosen for this tortuous journey, we will never know. But he does, with his reasons. If we truly allow ourselves to live with him in our heart he will plant peace there where he lives within us. This life grows weeds in our hearts (our depression) but his light shining there with his peace, the weeds eventually shrivel. We don't understand why but he send trials in our life for a reason. But when we trust in him in the midst of those troubles his peace flourishes and the weeds die away. If we thank him for those troublesome situations the peace he provides far outweigh the trials we endure. I know this to be true. I am still on medication and will probably be for the rest of my life. It helps some, but without my faith I probably would have already committed one of the worst sins, taking my life. I now know I will still experience depression, but have the most powerful weapon I could have to fight it off. You are in my prayers, please hear what Iam saying and receive a life you will be able to endure. I believe our suffering was given to us for a reason, one day we will be rewarded far more than others for using his powers to get us through. What better way to prove our faith and help others.

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  • Posted

    hi, you are not alone. we can all identify and emphasize with your pain.

    Please keep trying

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