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feeling a burden.

Posted , 6 users are following.

emmamia
emmamia

Hi there I'm a 24 year old mum of 1. Have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was around 5 years of age. Has got progressively worse since loosing my mum march 2011 to cancer.

I have bad health anxiety and every slight synptom I terrify myself and imagine myself in worst case scenario- This  happens on many days. I feel my anxiety is out of control. My fear of getting Ill is so intense that I have bad contamination ocd. ( showering approx 3 times a day, hand and clothes washing ) and I'm feeling exhausted and lost with everything. My mood changes dramatically and rapidly through the day. From very happy and chilled, to extremely anxious and worried, to angry, and so on.

I have a lovely family , partner and a beautiful 19 month old daughter. But I feel terribly guilty constantly for having this anxiety / panic and grief. I don't know where to turn. 

I want to avoid tablets if I can. I just want to be more care free. And to enjoy all the amazing things I have. I want to be told everything will be ok. I'm guessing things got worse since loosing my mum. I'm just confused and terrified of letting my family down sad 

0 likes, 26 replies

26 Replies

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  • emmamia
    emmamia

    Posted

    Thankyou both so much. Really appreciate the quick response. Never knew these forums existed until an hour ago! I am so gkaf to have found them already!

    I'm sorry Cassie about the people you've lost! Its so hard isn't it. No one gives u a book on how to deal with death and how to grieve. Suppose it a different path for everybody though. I always have lymph nodes up too, so you're not alone there! ( doc says they're harmless )

      

     

  • emmamia
    emmamia

    Posted

    Sorry I hadn't finished! 

    Yes and also Cassie I would say to stay away from internet as you always diagnose yourself with something. If anything stick to nhs ones he he. Sending you lots of love and healing thought s though xxxxxx

  • emmamia
    emmamia

    Posted

    I forgot to mentioned. I nursed my mum through her cancer and the memories of her being extremely poorly are haunting me and I can't seem to remove those images and replace them with all the memories we had tovether . we were very much best friends xxx
  • willhinders
    willhinders emmamia

    Posted

    we all shoulder your burden love. were all in this togethar! your mind set is so similar to my own. i have a loving family live with my dad step mom sister and two younger brothers. im 22 and i dwell on serious illness every day. every symptom under the sun from chest and rib pain to diarreah and weak arms and legs. im self diagnosing myself with everything. i went to the doctors and he understand me and blood tested me for everything n all clear came through. and now im dwelling on lung cancer. i can be playing with my brothers sometimes and just imagine myself dying and being seriously ill and missing them growing up. all i can say to you now hun is you are not alone in these intrusive feelings okay. we have a tendancy to just dwell on the worst case scenario . remember our minds are powerful tools and can play tricks on us! 
    • emmamia
      emmamia willhinders

      Posted

      Thankyoi so much for replying. Sorry you feel similar to me. But there's comfort in knowing were jot the only ones.  I this k as you become older you become wiser and more aware and gain more friends family and love that's scary to lose. I found out yesterday that my grandad on my dads side has passed away ( he wasn't Ill) so I'm still in a shock and daze from that.

      I really hope you find better days on their way. And surround yourself with people you love and just remind yourelf of all the good things that surround you. And make more time for yourself and do the things that relax you and make you haooy. Love to you 

    • willhinders
      willhinders emmamia

      Posted

      wonderful reply such kind words smile signing up to this site tonight was a great idea! just nice to talk to people who dont throw the word hypochondriac around in jest when they find a mosquito bite. Sorry to hear about your grandad tho thats pretty heavy. same love to you free to chat anytime youre feeling down! 
    • willhinders
      willhinders emmamia

      Posted

      okay that is the creepiest seediest looking smiley face ever sorry about that lol take care!
    • emmamia
      emmamia willhinders

      Posted

      Thank you and you. I'm always here to talk. I love this site. Can't believe I've only just found it he he xxx
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