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Hi, things are starting to take a bit of a turn for the worse. Not sure what I really want advice about. Just needing to get some feelings jotted down really.
So I am presently not on any anti-depressants. I was on citalopram for 18 months or so, at highest dose, but it wasn't working. It was the third pill I had tried. I have fibromyalgia on top of long term existing depression and anxiety so the doc switched me to cymbalta. That was hell so have been weaned off of it. Well I had what I can only describe as a type of hypomanic episode shortly after stopping it. It was a complete turn around in energy levels (though still not great due to the fibro I think!), my depression cleared and my mood and outlook and plans etc went up and up. Then that stopped practically overnight. My mood dropped,my energy dropped and an uncontrollable rage sprang up. I do get fairly irritable at times anyway as life is pretty hard going and fatigue doesn't help, but this anger has been really horrible. It has died down a bit now but I am still fairly on the edge a lot of the time. I am so easy going by nature that I just hate myself all the more when I get angry or irritated. And I have been really pretty horrible at times these past couple weeks or so. Really horrible. But the 'thoughts' have been getting stronger again. They went away too the other week but seem to have come back with a vengeance. To be perfectly honest I don't know if I trust myself or not. I've been getting a little bit reckless. Nothing very drastic at all, but it's a bit self-hating/non-caring. It's the fact that I'm so up and down that is worrying me. I can't predict my moods at all right now. I know I should probably go back to the GP but the thought of trial and error again with other drugs just sinks me lower. I see the psychologist again this week but I don't think she has a grasp on how much I am srtuggling, as I know I smile too much, even when I feel like doing you know what.
Sorry, I honestly don't know what I'm wanting anyone to say. I sort of know what I should do, but I'm so scared and tired. I really feel like giving up right now.
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