Feeling defeated

Posted , 9 users are following.

I've been on my own for 5 weeks now. I feel so depressed and lonley.

My family have there own life's. I have no friends.

At 49 I feel like I'm left on a shelf.

My anxiety has improved. My depression has got worst. I hate having suicidal thought.

I'm not sure how I get up in the mornings.

My ex is a functional alcoholic. Who was kind and loving. Just woke up one day and said he didn't love me and left, abandoning his daughter .

He phoned promising to put money into my account to help pay with the rent but didn't bother.

I'm broken. I think he does love me but drinking over 20 years has damaged his judgement.

Dying right now is a good thought

2 likes, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey sandy, I know the lonely feeling and at 46 I have really no friends . It's always hard when you break up with someone and especially when you been with them so long. And that takes time , your concern now is to concentrate on you and your daughter.

    And having your daughter will help you pull threw this , your having a tough time at the moment you will get out of that dark tunnel.

    I had many melt downs over the last few months and me anti depressent have gone up.

    Your first thing is to get yourself to the doctor and get the right medication to help you threw this tough time .

    Please don't do anything silly , we all on this forum have them bad thoughts . Your time now is you your ex is being selfish but I guess drinking does that to people .

    Take each day as it come's please go see your doctor .

    And I help you threw like many of us will don't feel alone just message and I always reply .

    That tunnel won't be dark all the time , am here for you xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Donna

      Thank you

      I am on antidepressant and waiting for CBT. It's the loneliness that's killing me. Coming home from work and just sitting here alone untill I go to bed and doing the same thing the next morning.

      I work alone as a carer. My daughter is a teenager so she's at school then out with her friends.

      I just want a friend anyone right now. Just to have a coffee with or to talk to

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    • Posted

      I really do get that sandy , I moved up north 3 years ago and it's been very lonely for me . I don't have really anyone either .

      Am really trying think myself what I can do to change it meself.... try and stay strong hun it will get better . Not sure we're you live if I lived were u did I go for a coffee

      All I can do is try and be a support for you now and to let you know you have a friend on here .

      Mybe we can help each other , talking to others help really does . One good thing is your still working that gets you out the house .

      Mybe take up a hobbie , I keep thinking this is what I should do . Xx

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    • Posted

      Hi sandy ,I'm sorry that you are feeling so lonely just now , I was lucky when my marriage broke down I had my children and my job which was with a lot off people, I never used to socialise with anyone and lost most off my friends when I was married as it was him who basically controlled me, I didn't realise how much mental trauma he put me through until he was no longer there , my children were younger as well so I had to put on a brave face for them , and then cry myself to sleep, 

      i was able to start living again and was luck that I had people from work to go  out with but I did end up on antidepressants as well, 

      this was years ago now but I know that even when you have people around you, you can still be very lonely, I'm in a different situation now where I'm housebound through ill health and my children are grown up, I have a partner but mist of the time I sit in my room alone I even find it difficult to concentrate on the tv, I have started using this site which is a little help but not the sane as actually communicating with another person, 

      please take care , I know that you are on antidepressants but if they are not helping maybe you could see your gp,

      what about neighbours do you think you could maybe speak to them , it would be a start, 


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  • Posted

    I am so sorry Sandy, feeling lonely is miserable.  Have you thought about calling Samaritans.  You don't have to be suicidal to call them, and sometimes you just need a sympathetic ear.  

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  • Posted

    Hi Sandy,

    Sorry to hear about your situation! As someone else has mentioned, have you thought about ringing the Samaritans?  Or maybe your local Crisis Team?  I think I would also be making an appointment to go back and speak to your GP and see what additional /extra support they could help with?  

    I know it's hard, but what about maybe paying a visit to your local library? You might find some groups local to you that you could go to?  Maybe a book club or a walking group?  Or there may be a local craft group nearby?  You could also consider doing a night class at your local college / high school?  These are all good ways of starting to make new friends. When I relocated to a new area many years ago, I was out of work and had no family close by.  I started two night classes, that got me out of my flat 2 evenings a week, and from there I started to make new friends.  It's not easy, but sometimes, just by taking that first step, you get the power back and start to regain control of your life!

    Good luck!

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  • Posted

    Just take one day at a time. The suicidal thoughts are just that. They are a warning sign that you are in emotional pain. I get where you are in your experince with you ex. I cant cope without the buz of alcohol.

    With the suicidal thoughts then the best thing is not to engage them. Focus your thinking on something good in your life or take up a hobby or some form of exercise to provide your self with a means of feeling good. You need a foundation of something good thats regular and dependable for you to build on.

    Its important for you right now not to trust him untill he is free from his dependancy on alcohol. sorry but thats the way it is. You face a spiritual battle. Dependancy on alcohol is part of that game. I have faced these dynamics myself and its not pleasant and people wont necessarily understand you.

    So its a good thing that he has gone. Achnowledge where you are and dont feel bad about it or condemned about. you are where you are.

    You need to get out and do some exercise and work of some of this bitterness and anger that you feel or you condition may get worse. you have to give you emotions a forum to be expressed so after that you will grow out of your suicidal thinking.

    if it helps then start a dialogue with me. Its all possible. I am here to help.

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  • Posted


    If you are such a low ebb and considering Suicide call the NHS Information Line and ask for help, they will triage and try and help you.

    Drink can be a cruel thing, and it can really disrupt a loving family.

    Talk to your GP it seems your Husband will not be back and in a way it is most probably for the best.

    Try and move on, your daughter needs your love and attention


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