Feeling down

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi guys. I'm 28 years old living in my parents loft. My dads got a lot wrong with him medically but after a small argument 3 month ago I haven't spoken to him since and actively avoid him. My mother still looks after me but is now questioning me generally, mainly because she is worried about me, I don't think im the son she expected at this age, not that she is disappointed but just wants to help. I have tried a few times now to tell her everything that I'm going to tell you but have never managed to even scratch the surface really.

I set up my own plumbing company 4 years ago and it was hard work and still is but it's getting better with better customers and more money. I've been in a relationship with a girl who absolutely adores me but I can't seem to give her what she needs but even then she stays. I have been feeling crappy for a while now and have thought about how the world would simply move on if I wasn't here anymore. I've been a weed smoker for many years now but am now drinking more than smoking. Drinking a couple of large bottles of whisky a week mainly to help me get to sleep. When I'm around friends or customers I'm fine or at least pretending to be. I know I work too much about what other people think, even people I don't know on the street. I'm constantly scared about getting into any sort of confrontation, even though I'm 6 ft 1" tall and built pretty weLloyd I haven't got a clue what to do in a fight. Always worried that any small argument would turn into a full on fight and I would lose and then lose any respect that anyone has for me. Last night I went and sat on a barrier on the edge of the motorway for a while just thinking of ways to get myself out of this hole and the only option seemed to be to take 4 steps into the slow lane but at 2 am my mum called and asked where I was and I came home. I don't want 4 to commit suicide and honestly don't think I would but right now I can't see another option.

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  • Posted

    Hi dean. You sound like yr definately suffering depression possibly some anxiety. Also the weed n whisky will maybe calm u on the day but will be making yr probs worse the next if u see wat i mean... alchohols a depressant & the cannabis can cause the worry & paranoia ie; could fights or confrontation happen. That mixed with depression will b makin u feel as rotten as u do. Sounds like u have a great mum & partner. & maybe things will improve with yr dad if thats wat u want in time?? Definately make an appt to see yr dr asap. U shudnt need whisky to get to sleep & the feelings of being scared etc u could talk abt, To a dr rather than family its easier. Good luck & hugs. Please kp us posted so glad yr mum called u when she did ?? xxx seek help. All here for you. X mandy.x

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  • Posted

    You want to tell your Mum everything but cannot - how about if you wrote her a letter explaining how you , feel , that you don't understand why you feel like you do - many of us myself included don't understand why we feel like we do , i have family , friends like you but still i feel low , please try an see your doctor to see what can be done , any therapy as you are experiencing clear signs of depression , you have done really well in getting this far , not many people can build up a company in their 20's - you should be really proud of yourself , sounds like you have a lovely girlfriend so maybe you could explain everyhing to her on how you are feeling , maybe she could accompany you to see your doctor , you are young , have so much more in life , in the world to explore , maybe children of your own one day , maybe cut down to just 2 small Whiskey's at bedtime , i don't know about weed as never had it myself nor know anyone who has taken it but maybe try an wean yourself off it as it can add to your depression , please take care an know you are not alone xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Dean - sorry to read of your situation. First, weed and alcohol are bandaid solutions that may dull the senses to the reality of what you are feeling but will do nohting to address or heal the matters at hand. I know, i used them for a coulpe of decades in order to numb and function in a highly social and glittering life style. Like you, I had a face for the world and the reality seething underneath. You, on the other hand, have achieved more than i did - your own business, a girlfriend who loves you and parents that care. I am wondering if there is a rage underneath that you are afraid to acknowlege, that you are scared will surface if there is a violent confrontation in the street, that may be so explosive you fear what will happen if it is unleashed. If so, can you ascertain the root of it? Something in childhood, perhaps? Dean, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and I believe it is the duty of the sufferer to explore every avenue - no matter how difficult - before resigning from life and leaving heartache where you once lived.

    I agre totally with the points made by Amanda and Maria in the posts above. It is time for you to take action to address what you are feeling. Make an appointment with your doctor, explain what you are feeling and ask for help. You may be reffered to a psychiatrist for meds evaluation, or the doc might just prescribe something on  the spot. The meds are to address the feelings and will take 3-8 weeks to work, but they are not an answer to what lies within. They are a tool to help balance you so you can engage and address the underlying issues. For this you will need the services of a counsellor or psychologist. It will be confronting and difficult at first - the meaningful things usually are - but you will soon establish a connection with your counsellor and be able to open up. Further, when you have taken steps and immersed yourself in finding a healthy balance to your thoughts, you will feel empowered and that will reflect in the new you. 

    You are fortunate to have a project to focus on - your work and well as yourself. You are lucky to have a partner beside you to help you through. You are lucky to have a mother who wants the best for you. You should patch things up with Dad - after all, you said it was a small argument three months ago - and make allowances for his condition and the helpelssness he is feeling. And lastly, you will have to give up the pot and the booze to reveal yourself. Best of luck to you, Dean. We are always here to talk to.

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