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I've suffered from health anxiety for a few months now. Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of it but really it's just under the surface and it always comes back. The longest ice gone without it is 2 weeks.
It's getting so bad that I feel depressed. I'm absolutely terrified of death and dying because it's the unknown, some people say that because it's the unknown, it's nothing to be frightened off because I will be none the wiser but I don't find that comforting. I'm not religious so I don't believe in an after life. I've never seen a ghost and don't know if I believe in them. I would like to think that when I die that I will be reunited with my family, my grandma. But I don't know that. And it frightens the hell out of me.
I am constantly convinced that I will have a stroke, heart attack or bleed on my brain. I smoke. I don't smoke many a day, I've cut down massively because every cigarette I smoke I think 'what if this cigarette will be the one to clog up my arteries and I will have a stroke?'
The anxiety symptoms are awful and they are similar symptoms to a lot of serious illnesses so I am always worrying and can never accept that it is anxiety. I am basically just waiting to die and this is a life that I do not want to lead. I really don't see the point in my life. I am thinking that maybe death would be a better option, even though I'm terrified of it, it can't be worse than how I feel right now?
I have a lot of medication in my house and stopping myself from taking it is really hard. I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm trapped in my awful mind and I want out. I can't see any other way out.
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