Feeling extremely depressed and suicidal

Posted , 4 users are following.

I've suffered from health anxiety for a few months now. Sometimes I feel like I'm on top of it but really it's just under the surface and it always comes back. The longest ice gone without it is 2 weeks.

It's getting so bad that I feel depressed. I'm absolutely terrified of death and dying because it's the unknown, some people say that because it's the unknown, it's nothing to be frightened off because I will be none the wiser but I don't find that comforting. I'm not religious so I don't believe in an after life. I've never seen a ghost and don't know if I believe in them. I would like to think that when I die that I will be reunited with my family, my grandma. But I don't know that. And it frightens the hell out of me.

I am constantly convinced that I will have a stroke, heart attack or bleed on my brain. I smoke. I don't smoke many a day, I've cut down massively because every cigarette I smoke I think 'what if this cigarette will be the one to clog up my arteries and I will have a stroke?'

The anxiety symptoms are awful and they are similar symptoms to a lot of serious illnesses so I am always worrying and can never accept that it is anxiety. I am basically just waiting to die and this is a life that I do not want to lead. I really don't see the point in my life. I am thinking that maybe death would be a better option, even though I'm terrified of it, it can't be worse than how I feel right now?

I have a lot of medication in my house and stopping myself from taking it is really hard. I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm trapped in my awful mind and I want out. I can't see any other way out.

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Justine it's clear you need to see a doctor and get some medication.  I felt just like you 6 months ago.  I was caught in this trap of at first feeling constantly anxious and scared with tons of physical symptoms and fear.  As the months went by full on depression set in.  I'm married iwth kids but it got to the point I could not communicate with anyone.  I felt numb to any normal feelings, I was just trapped in my own head feeling intense fear or this just horrible detachment from my life and reality.  I gave in eventually after 6 months and went to my GP who prescribed Citalopram.  I felt really let down by myself and dissapointed I couldn't beat it on my own, I should add I was also seeing a therapist at the time, still no relief.  Best thing I ever did getting the help.  6 months on and I feel brilliant.  I was also at your level of thinking no life was better than this life.  There is always light at the end of the tunnel so please don't give up.
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    • Posted

      I've been to my GP, she's gave me Citalopram and the side effects and how it made me feel pushed me over the edge and I stopped taking it. Since then she has given me sertraline and mirtazapine but I can't bring myself to take them. I'm terrified of medication. I can't even take painkillers anymore because I'm terrified of what they will do to me. Haven't been back to my GP since because they tried to help me and I ignored them and I feel that I just wasted her time sad

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    • Posted

      You haven't wasited her time.  Unfortunately the side effects of any anti depressants at first are increased anxiety.  I had the same issue.  You have to push through.  I felt bloody awful for 2 weeks, the only thing I could do to stop it was walk and walk and walk.  I must have covered every street and road within a 5 mile radius over and over and over.  I was hot and cold, shaking, shivering, struggling to breath for a couple of weeks.  The worst was the insomina.  But my point is I have got there.  I STILL don't like taking painkillers and won't do unless I'm seriously in pain.  My hustand during my insomnia phase persuaded me to take a nytol and I just plain panicked after taking it and got less sleep than I normally would.  Please bite the bullet and see it through because the longterm effects are worth the short therm stuff.
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  • Posted

    It does, get easier in time. I been with anxiety for 7 months. I know the feeling of fearing of dying. But it does get easier.
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  • Posted

    Hi Justine,

    You should call your doctor or go to the Emergency Room and tell them that you are extremely depressed and suicidal. They are professionals and can help you get back to feeling better.

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    • Posted

      I have no money what so ever to get there and back sad I don't live close to a hospital. Plus last time I went to ER feeling suicidal I was left to wait 3 hours just to be told to talk to my GP. I was made to feel unimportant and invisible. There's just no help out there for me. sad I've asked my GP to refer me for therapy and coubselling but they say I'm too young so they won't sad
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    • Posted

      You have a long life ahead of you. I have suffered from anxiety for years. I felt much better on medication. Sometimes it is trial and error for which medication will work best for you. Don't give up. I know you said you do not have any spiritual beliefs all I can tell you is from my personal experience and that is when I had bad days, my faith has got me through. I believe we all go through tough times in our lives but the strenghth of pulling ourselves out make us stronger each time. You are loved!
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    • Posted

      I have just started my medication tonight, was very reluctant to take it but I'm gonna give it a good go.

      Anxiety is strange, some days I feel really weak and like I'm a failure and feel depressed and then some days when I manage to overcome it I feel strong and pleased with myself.

      Just gotta take each day as it comes I suppose x

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  • Posted

    Hi Justin's you really should see a don't sound like you have anxiety and this always heightens fears stay strong live really is worth living
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