Feeling flat

Oh please don't call yourself Failure.  That is so not true.  People with depression are not failures,they just have an illness which many other people have.  What you are feeling is very common with depression.  We lose so much, it takes away so much. 

Not easy to appear OK when inside you are crying, I know that from experience.  I think you will find that all of us here have the same feeling you do, because that is part of this illness. I do hope you are getting support.

Keep posing, and you will see what lovely people they are here, and how caring about each other.  We all know what it is to have depression., 

Yes 'Failure' I have gone through the same things. Back in 1991 I had brain surgery to remove a benign tumor. Within a week after the surgery I developed severe depression. I ended up atempting suicide a few times. The reason for the depression was because the tumor was in the right frontal lobe of my brain. That's the part of the brain that keeps the chemicals in the brain in balance. My brain will never recover. I will be stuck with bi-polar illness for the rest of my life.

 But thanks to a great psychiatrist, I was able to overcome the depression. She put me on the right cocktail of medications to keep my depression at bay. To this day, I don't suffer from severe depression any more. All I have to deal with is the hypomania. I do have some slight symptoms of depression though. I lack motivation. My desk and my apartment are a mess. I can't get to bed at a decent time any more. I'm quite simply hyper. It's not unusual for me to stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning working on the computer either reading forums or FaceBook. I often over spend. I too easily get sucked into Internet scams that rip me off for hundreds of dollars. My credit card debt is over $3,500. All my credit cards are cut up now. Luckily I am in a Debt Management Program where I pay a debt counsellor $155/month to pay off the credit cards. Another bonus is that the program has made a deal with the banks to reduce my high anual interest rate. The reduced rate is between 0 and 3% per year. So this way any money sent to the cards goes to pay off the balance not the interest. What a blessing. It beats going into bankruptcy.

 Sadly enough, a year after my operation, my sister who was suffering from post partum depression from the birth of her second child, she took her life. So my parents were very concerned about the mental health problems in our family. So they joined the Family and Friends Group of the Mood Disorders Association. in our city. They lasted there 5 years and became very supportive towards me. They passed the info they learned to my siblings who all in all supported me both emotionally and financially. My sister in Calgary pays my brother for my monthly bus pass. My brother takes me shopping at the local discount food store and pays the bill. My Dad pays for my dental appointments at the University Dental college... including cleanings, gold crowns, root canals and gold bridges. It's cheaper to go to the Dental college. He's on a great pension. Even my daughter helps support me and buys me new clothes when she thinks my clothes are a little shabby. What a supportive family.

 If there is a Family and Friends or similar group in your area encourage your family members to join. The group I belong to is split into numerous groups... Bi-polar, Depression, Borderline Personanlity Group, Schizophrenia group and Family and Friends. They meet every Wdnesday evening for 2 hours. Not to mention other groups during the week. It is like a second family to me.

 Check and see if such groups exist in your community.

I used to do that while I was in work, and while I was working as a security guard I put on a fake smile everyday, I felt like I was invisible at most times and felt lifeless at times. As soon as I got home Id crash out on the sofa and fall asleep. Since then I've gotten better my real smile is coming back. I lost interest in everything I loved ie hobbies but now I feel it's time that I got back what I loved

I get that feeling all the time so u do understand but you are not alone I was taking citralopram for anxiety but when I came off it it changed my mood but I try to concentrate on the positives which is alot easier to say than do but your not alone.