Feeling like ive lost my happy old self and my mind :'( feedback and reassurance needes

Posted , 4 users are following.

I'm a 19 years old girl. I havent been active here since the last 2 weeks because I thought I had recovered from anxiety

Initially, I got into this rut due to my 2 year long emotionally abusive bf ( who even now refuses to believe he was a douche to me) I was manipulated and abused verbally and emotionally to the point I'd cry every night.

I got my first panic attack randomly while I was watching tv. 

My throat started closing up and I started getting palpitations and all that jazz. 

it got sooo bad that i was struggling to sleep and even function.

I realized I had to end it and get back on track with my life. I dumped him 3 months ago.

 

Since then ive reallly lost myself. 

I felt unreal.. sometimes I had constant negative thoughts that wouldn't budge a bit and get off of my mind and I was constantly having a tight head ( temples hurt) then I started feeling something was wrong with my brain..I basically went through alot of crap got help and I recovered. I've been happy, relaxed, cheerful , ive been out shopping and I was so happy to be my normal self.My ecg and echo reports  came back normal and since then I havent been having panic attacks. 

No chest aches, palpitations nothing. 

But since yesterday I've been feeling really low. 

Like everything around me isnt real. 

My mind is constantly telling me im goin crazy. 

I've also gotten in touch with him and I feel stupid because I was completely different after recovery I turned into a bitch. I wanted to slaugher his willy wolly and I was so positive thinking I'll get a better guy who'd treat me right ill enjoy life.

But now since two days im crying myself to sleep thinking of our good times and how he hurt me. I am not getting back with him but still I feel really messed up in my head. sad 

I am really religious and I question God about what the hell is going on in my life. I just wanna be the old happy vivacious gurl I was before all this drama came into my life. 

I look in the mirror and think yes I feel different im not like others I'm stupid how am I gonna handle the future and just worrying extensively that=14px Im gonna end up being crazy. 

even as im writing this I feel really tired and not like myself no motivation AT ALL.

Its freakin me out. 

At the back of my mind I know my mind is playing games and the over thinking brought this up because I've had this feeling before (even stronger) but after some counseling and spending time with family and friends it gradually went away i didnt even realize it, but now its like  gotten back  sad even when I'm watching tv im lost in these thoughts.  

I cant seem to stop worrying and pushing these thoughts away. 

I keep thinking im very dumb. 

It's kinda weird because I was perfectly fine 2 days back. 

I was singing, cleaning up the house , laughing and shopping!

Now I keep thinking im going insane and  its gotten worse

I keep overthinking and overanalysing everything about myself the way I act, the way I walk. 

I've convinced myself im going crazy and these little voices in my head keep saying I am.

Its like grr... >rolleyes so annoying I also think i did this to myself by constantly overthinking on this.

The weird thing is im not getting panic attacks,

Lump in throat , pain in heart... I think my anxiety has found another thing (my mind) to bother me about. :'( I am feeling so tired and all I wanna do is sleep. 

Please tell me this shall pass and in not the only one. 

sad 

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Firstly, you are absolutely not the only one. Anxiety can and does bring all these things, it makes us focus on ourselves so much. The lump in the throat is such a common physical symptom, I have it often. These things do pass,but you do need help to get there, be it with meds or therapy. Self treatment can get you only so far. I choose the therapy route, others choose meds. But don't be too disheartened, these things do come and they go, there is help out there - please don't be afraid to ask for it
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    • Posted

      Hi sue, well I wouldn't recommend CBT, for me its always been totally pointless. I wanted to deal with the issues at the source, and CBT is not suited for dealing with the past. I would always recommend CAT which is cognitive analytical therapy, it allows the past as well as the present to be dealt with more effectively I think
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    • Posted

      Thanks for this. I should have remembered, you've recommended CAT before . must look the notes I made. I agree with you, you do need to look at the past as well as the here and now. Who would deliver the CAT- clinical psychologist,psychotherapist, psychiatrist or trained therapist? 

      I expect you have to be open to the therapy don't you? Otherwise you might sabotage it. Sorry about all the questions but you've obviously done a lot of research. Just trying to pick your brains. 

       

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    • Posted

      Lol no problems, ask away. No research at all, just many years if getting things wrong and trying to get them right.

      Oh indeed you have to want it, absolutely no point if you don't want to do it.

      Yea a psychotherapist delivered it for me

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    • Posted

      All on the nhs, I would prefer private but could never afford it. Sessions I've no idea, it's generally spread over quite long periods,  2 years has been my longest single period 
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