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I'm a 19 years old girl. I havent been active here since the last 2 weeks because I thought I had recovered from anxiety.
Initially, I got into this rut due to my 2 year long emotionally abusive bf ( who even now refuses to believe he was a douche to me) I was manipulated and abused verbally and emotionally to the point I'd cry every night.
I got my first panic attack randomly while I was watching tv.
My throat started closing up and I started getting palpitations and all that jazz.
it got sooo bad that i was struggling to sleep and even function.
I realized I had to end it and get back on track with my life. I dumped him 3 months ago.
Since then ive reallly lost myself.
I felt unreal.. sometimes I had constant negative thoughts that wouldn't budge a bit and get off of my mind and I was constantly having a tight head ( temples hurt) then I started feeling something was wrong with my brain..I basically went through alot of crap got help and I recovered. I've been happy, relaxed, cheerful , ive been out shopping and I was so happy to be my normal self.My ecg and echo reports came back normal and since then I havent been having panic attacks.
No chest aches, palpitations nothing.
But since yesterday I've been feeling really low.
Like everything around me isnt real.
My mind is constantly telling me im goin crazy.
I've also gotten in touch with him and I feel stupid because I was completely different after recovery I turned into a bitch. I wanted to slaugher his willy wolly and I was so positive thinking I'll get a better guy who'd treat me right ill enjoy life.
But now since two days im crying myself to sleep thinking of our good times and how he hurt me. I am not getting back with him but still I feel really messed up in my head.
I am really religious and I question God about what the hell is going on in my life. I just wanna be the old happy vivacious gurl I was before all this drama came into my life.
I look in the mirror and think yes I feel different im not like others I'm stupid how am I gonna handle the future and just worrying extensively that=14px Im gonna end up being crazy.
even as im writing this I feel really tired and not like myself no motivation AT ALL.
Its freakin me out.
At the back of my mind I know my mind is playing games and the over thinking brought this up because I've had this feeling before (even stronger) but after some counseling and spending time with family and friends it gradually went away i didnt even realize it, but now its like gotten back even when I'm watching tv im lost in these thoughts.
I cant seem to stop worrying and pushing these thoughts away.
I keep thinking im very dumb.
It's kinda weird because I was perfectly fine 2 days back.
I was singing, cleaning up the house , laughing and shopping!
Now I keep thinking im going insane and its gotten worse
I keep overthinking and overanalysing everything about myself the way I act, the way I walk.
I've convinced myself im going crazy and these little voices in my head keep saying I am.
Its like grr... > so annoying I also think i did this to myself by constantly overthinking on this.
The weird thing is im not getting panic attacks,
Lump in throat , pain in heart... I think my anxiety has found another thing (my mind) to bother me about. :'( I am feeling so tired and all I wanna do is sleep.
Please tell me this shall pass and in not the only one.
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