feeling lost

Posted , 12 users are following.

This such a great help reading all these .I am 56 and feel so lost at times. I can wake up fine then within a hour feel so flat and down like I have been taken over by some kind of monster. I try and keep busy and still work but struggle to balance everything to be honest. I am a wife and mother who seems to have lost the way .I feel fat and bloated most of the time tired don't sleep well and have one ache or pain after another. I no longer feel sexy and I find my husband who is a bit older makes no effort with me at all .I so want to be loved and feel special again .All I do is try my damm hardest to Please others. Omg I sound like a right miserable bitch but I am really a kind positive person who is thete for all but I am fed up of doing all and getting nothing back.

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  • Posted

    Hi wen

    First of all I would like to start by sending you a big hug.

    I can so relate to how you feel.

    I too am people's go to person and try my best to keep it altogether and if I dare say can I have a hand they all look at me as if I have spoken a different language followed by - you usually do it with no help?? Lol

    I say lol with tongue in cheek.

    I sat my husband down the other day to say that I feel we are just sharing a space - we do nothing, not even converse with each other - to be told - you always look p*ssed off xx it feels like a no win and trust me I have to be feeling really strong to even say anything!!!!

    Do you have any hobbies or shared interests with your husband?

    I am going to suggest a date night for myself and husband and give it a try.

    Worse case scenario one of us will be sitting alone for a long time if conversation runs out xx

    Take care

    Sazzie

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  • Posted

    I have replied but it's being moderated.

    Not entirely sure why. x

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  • Posted

    Hi wen, I know how you feel exactly, but you're not really lost, it's just your hormones losing their balance and in turn makes you think you're lost. The feeling of being love and needy are also a part of this emotional roller coaster ride we're taken on for a bit. For the first in my life, I had to become selfish, actually wanting only things for me and not sharing them with anyone, I had to do that to make myself feel special if no one else was going to do that for me. Maybe it's time you look out for yourself, don't try so hard to please others if you feel you're not getting anything in return for all your efforts. Be kind with  yourself, this is your time to embrace the change on your terms. Be well. 

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  • Posted

    Sit him down and tell him how your feeling, being your husband he should listen, understand and make more of an effort
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  • Posted

    Been there, done that, taking the tablets for it!rolleyes Seriously, wen, you are in good company.

    I am lucky my old man still finds me attractive - though God knows why. Had a bitch of a day today (we both did) but he bought me a bottle of my fav wine to cheer me up - it did!

    I am a mass of aches and pains, BUT by cutting out sugar, highly processed foods, most bread and pastries and eating more fresh veg and grass-fed meat, I have lost weight and no longer feel like a beached whale.

    Today I had a (much justified (long story)) pity party and too much Shiraz, but I know I am heading in the right direction.

    Take care of yourself and treat yourself to something like a massage or facial. Something personal, just for you. It's amazing what that can do for you.

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    • Posted

      Good for you girl! What a lovely hubby you have - he knows how to cheer you up with a lovely bottle of your fave wine - what a sweetie. I had a colonoscopy yesterday, so missed my fave saturday evening bottle of wine & tv, as too sleepy from the sedation - just crashed out. May treat myself to a glass or 2 tonight & watch the football with my hubby if I feel a bit more upto it later. xx

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  • Posted

    I know how you feel..I feel like it to..kids grown up ..so feel like I have lost my way..hubby no interest thinks Im OK. .
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  • Posted

    Hi Wen, someone very wise once said we have to learn to love ourselves. You dont sound like a miserable bitch at all. Its very hard when you are working and being a wife and mum to remember you are also an important person and to look after yourself. I only joined this group a few days ago and the kind words and help so far has already made me feel a little better today. I am sure your husband loves you far more than he shows - thats men for you not very good with the support side of things. Look after yourself and do something just for you.xx Take care  
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  • Posted

    Wen, like a lot of ladies have said on here, you do need to learn to love yourself and make some time for yourself. I sometimes have days when everything seems to go wrong; like work, raising a teenage daughter, feeling unattractive, dealing with health anxieties.

    But, it is important to think of the positives in your life, and make a concerted effort to deal with the negatives. Eating well is the first step, doing something you enjoy, joining a group (I volunteer), making contact with good friends. Music and time out are also helpful when feeling down. Driving to work, I always play my favourite songs, which really lift my mood.

    It is not easy to see your body shape change and feel less attractive, but with care and attention, with your hair, diet and clothes and a smile, you can still turn heads!

    Remember, you are special. 😉

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  • Posted

    Hi Wen, having read your post I was keen to reply. I know exactly how you feel, I to feel the same. Both of my children are of hand now. And We have just become proud grandparents then the menupause kicks in and completely stops me in my tracks. Painful joints in the morning especially in my hands I cannot even hold the baby. I also feel my husband does not understand what I am going through he tries to but quickly brushes it of. So just feeling really low which is so unlike me. This site is great with so many other ladies going through with the same thing. I have got up the sun is shining and going for a nice long walk to clear my head. Keep positive.

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  • Posted

    Hi wen. You're not on your own at all. I'm 50 years old and I've felt terrible for a long time. I'm now doing something about my weight because I'd stopped feeling feminine and it's perked my up mentally, although I'm a worrier about my health.

    My sex drive has returned I'm glad to say. I have realised how long it's been since I had one. My husband got ill in 2011 and we haven't had sex since then so you can imagine the dilemma. He's got a condition that affects his nerve endings so sex was an issue and we just left it and got on with things. Anyway, I'd got where I had to talk to him about this. I'd realised that we had become man and wife but not a couple anymore. I love him to pieces and will have been married 29 years this August.

    So I told him how I felt, slowly so not to pressure him and I'm so grateful he's come around to how I feel and what we need to do. It won't be easy but I feel so much better for that already. Maybe your husband is just leaving you alone so he doesn't upset you? Sometimes the lack of desire is far from it. My advice is to start slow. We're going back to basics and taking it from there and it's pretty exciting actually.

    I hope that you can do something similar. Try to find something that boosts how you feel and gives you your much needed confidence back but please chat to your husband. Fingers crossed you can get this sorted soon and you start to feel feminine again and happy in yourself. Good luck xx.

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  • Posted

    I cant thank you all enough for your kind words and support it makes me feel I am not alone. I have tried today to talk to my husband and it's helped a little. I know it's a lot to do with how I am feeling in myself it's just such a dark heavy cloud weighing me down hopefully it will pass. I guess after nearly 30 years of marrage it takes a bit of work. My trouble is my desire for a physical relationship has gone and I hate it .I am always tired due to very poor sleep and I know I should make it happen but that to me is not how it should be .

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    • Posted

      Mine had disappeared too wen, I think your feelings right now could be holding it back. When we feel low, our libido and sex drive are the last things on our minds. Don't overthink it my dear, and concentrate on your mental well being and boosting yourself. It will help, I'm sure of it. Our sex life became a chore before my husband got ill and this is one thing I discussed with him. It's like being a younger woman again, shyness included, but I feel better for trying something. I really hope it works for you too xx.

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  • Posted

    Wen, i think there are alot of us girls going through peri/meno that feel the same in many of the same respects as you - you're not on your own hun. Just remember it's not the real you - its mother bloody nature. i am a natural people pleaser too - nothing makes me more motivated & happy than me pleasing other people or seeing them happy. If you are that sort of person i think it makes peri/meno problems harder to deal with as you feel tired & demotivated more. I have found hrt helped my mental symptoms greatly since 1/4/16, but am ill with other matters at present(dragging me down a bit), but i honestly think if i hadnt started the hrt when i did, i would not be coping at all mentally now. Have you tried/Are you able to try hrt? xxx

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    • Posted

      Thank you for the kind words. I am a people pleaser and as u say we love to make others happy. I hate feeling low as I am normally the strong positive one who motivates everyone. I haven't tried hrt but I am on a mild antidepressant which helps. It's the physical aches and pains as well as the emotional roller coaster I find myself on .I hope u start to feel better soon also. All girls together.

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    • Posted

      Thankyou for your good wishes Wen. if you continue to feel lousy even with anti depressants, please try & consider hrt in consult with a specialist gynae or meno gp at your local surgery(my gp is one) or a meno nurse. The hrt regimen I've been on since april has helped me immensly particularly with the mental symptoms & headaches & also eliminated 2yrs of very irreg bleeding, & sleep much much better. still have night sweats, but can cope with that now other symptoms are better. i am on estrogel nightly(lowest dose) & utrogestan tablets = 200mg nightly from days 15-26 of a 28day cycle, & this works great for me. it is a low risk/low dose regimen (my meno gp told me). xxx

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