Feeling positive.

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Morning! Im feeling very positive today.After going to the docs yesterday i sat down last night and thought to myself....i was going to go in there and tell him i wanted to come off them as they were doing nothing,But as he pointed out to me i havnt had a panic attack for 3 weeks now(touch wood!)thats why i went on these tablets.Yes i thought,i was having one every week sometimes 2 on a bad week.I also had trouble driving but have been ok (touching wood again)Im still a bit anxious but not as much as i was.So after nearly 5 weeks they must be doing something.I asked him why im still anxious and his reply was,your anxious about being anxious..so right!felt a bit silly really. :roll: Anyway im off to see my mum today and take her shopping,5 weeks ago i couldnt even go out the house,And im not worring about it.Today is a new day and i am going to be me again...ive decided im not going to let the bad days get me down,everyone has bad days.I will get through this....Hell yes!!! :lol:

I am going to have a good day today.... :lol:

Melbi,hope you had the best nights sleep ever...x

Take care everyone........ kim.xx

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17 Replies

  • Posted

    Morning Kim

    Well done you :D We are all right behind you. I remember those good days so well while taking citalopram - enjoy them and do all the things you want to do.

    I'm going to spend the day at my mums today :shock:

    I might even suggest we have a walk into Town or something :shock: :shock: :shock:

    Enjoy your day Kim - you deserve to be happy and relaxed.


    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    So good to hear you being positive Kimoli.

    You're right to let the bad days just wash over you and take their course. A bad day doesn't mean you're not getting better - just count how many good times you have in comparison.

    Pleased you're trusting your Dr and opening up to him about how you feel. He needs you to talk to him so that he can help.

    Enjoy your (good) day at your Mum's - give her a hug and tell her how much you value her support.

    Come back and let us know how it went.

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  • Posted

    :D Hi all,thanks for replying.ive had a really good day at my mums.We went to town and then for lunch and i was fine..im so pleased with myself.even my mum said i havnt looked this happy for ages.She kept asking if i had had enough up town but i was ok.before it would be rush to the shops and back to the car,but today we just wandered round just looking!I hope this is the way up now i really do.If i stay this positive i know i wil do it.


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  • Posted

    Hi all

    Well my appointment went well and the doctor agreed that I can return to work next Thursday so felt really positive and pleased with myself


    I phoned work and spoke to my boss! Now I feel negative and anxious - resulting in a raging headache and back in bed feeling hopeless.

    Basically, he arranged for me to have my return to work interview next Thursday and advised me to take a union rep with me or someone else should I wish to. When I said I didn't think I would need anyone with me he mentioned how we 'parted' on not so friendly terms (this is the night out we had and had all consumed a rather large amount of alcohol - him included). He went on to say things needed to be sorted with regards this at the interview!?! Since when has events of a social nature been used in such a way? If I remember rightly, one boss shouted in my face that night that I was sacked, that person was also under the influence of alchol at the time.

    Am I now going to be penalised for an argument that broke out between a few of us that night?

    He also mentioned that he would want the occupational health to also interview me (this is understandable considering the nature of my absence) and asked if I wanted to organise that or should he. My GP informed me that should my employer wish for the occupational health to do their own interview/medical that this would be up to my employer to organise and they would be held responsible for any charges incurred by them. I am now feeling all confused and negative and wish I didn't even have a job to go back to so it would save me all this stress and worry.

    I am becoming more and more tempted to spend this next week looking for alternative employment. anything just to help me rid of this anxiety and stress.

    Thankfully, I have met some person who knows the ins and outs of employment rights and he did offer to write any letters or sit in on any interviews with me. I think I will be taking him up on this offer.

    PFFT! At least I am adult enough to understand and realise that a heated debate whilst drunk is something that would more than probably never happen under any other circumstances and therefore one that should be dismissed as ridiculous behaviour by all persons involved and best forgotten about. Unless my employer would like me to remember all the times when he has behaved inappropriately while drinking! :roll:

    Rant over!

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    hi melbi.

    what are your employers like..oh melbi you are such a strong and level headed lady. they are idiots..maybe you would be better off looking for a less stressful environment re; job......

    you dont need or deserve that traetment,,,remeber that hun..

    take care lv alyxxx

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  • Posted

    I just don't know!

    I gave 11 bloody hard years to them - work over and beyond the hours and expectations - I have a few major problems in my life all at once and can't cope and this is how they repay me.

    One thing is for sure - when I do go back I will only be doing the hours on my contract.

    I have even been damn bloody supportive to them when they have had difficulties in their lives!

    All take and no bloody give!

    I have never been late for work, always done by job and more - 200% committed.

    I feel I have been betrayed, used and damn well sh** on.

    What do I do next Thursday - go in there and apologise for having feelings? Apologise for being human? Apologise for getting ill?

    No! I will walk in there head held high and with pride, I won't apologise for things that have happened in my life that have been completely out of my control.

    I won't apologise for loving my children so much that when they need me I'm there for them.

    Nor will I apologise for becoming so worried about them and having to help them deal with their mistakes that I fell ill in the process.

    Had I not fallen ill - I wouldn't have really cared about my children and their lives.

    I can deal with my feelings of anger so much more than anxiety. Right now I am so damn angry with them that I want to ring them and tell them to stuff their job! But I love my job! Why should I allow them to make me feel so inadequate.

    Thank goodness for my secret supply of codiene - well it was either that or alcohol and knowing how I feel right now, alcohol is the last thing I should be using.

    In fact - if I don't feel any better within the next hour I will try some sleeping pills - I refuse to start feeling so ill again because of their inconsiderate attitude.

    Thank goodness my colleagues are in touch with me via email and text and standing right behind me on this.

    Melbi xxx

    My head throbs so much :cry:

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  • Posted

    Hi melbi

    Good news about you returning to work next week.

    I shouldn't worry about the \"return to work\" interview. You boss is proberly scared you are going to say it was his fault you were off sick and its down to the way he treated you.

    When you get in there ask if you can build up your hours to full time gradually and ask what they would suggest.

    I started on 4 hours a day for 2 weeks and then built it up hour by hour in 2 week blocks. It helps.

    As for regualar braks. so you can go outside and calm down or reassess any propblems you are having.

    You said you have worked there for 11 years, that doesn't mean anything these they. If its a big company then you are a number and thats all.

    I've realised now that I go in at 9, do one job at a time and then go home at 5. I get as much holiday in when I need it and use all my flex hours and don't do anything for them for free.

    It may sound straight forward and it is.

    You are there to work. You don't get any thanks when you stay late but they soon say something when youre late or sick.

    It only a job. not worth worrying about. Theres more out there. A bit like men.

    I'll stop running on now.

    Take care

    Julie xxxx

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  • Posted

    Hope you can read my previous comment.

    Didn't realise there were so many spelling mistakes.

    Anyway it will give you something to concentrate on.



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  • Posted

    [quote:6be7d0216a=\"Mrs J.\"]Hope you can read my previous comment.

    Didn't realise there were so many spelling mistakes.

    Anyway it will give you something to concentrate on.



    LOL Julie

    Thanks ever so much for that - you are right in everything you say. It will be difficult to do the job and stick to the hours but this is what I shall be doing if I am not happy at the outcome of the interview.

    As Occupational Health will be involved and interviewed be prior to my return to work interview interview I should have a reasonable idea of the situation. Thing is now though - I got so worked up and stressed about all this today that I'm now starting to doubt if I am really okay to return.

    My work is of a stressful nature - will I cope? I felt so good yesterday and not too bad this morning knowing I had to go and see the doctor but then was buzzing when he agreed to let me go back to work.

    It is like my employer doubts my doctors ability to assess me.

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Melbi. Good news with the doctor but bad news that your employer is putting the stress & anxiety back on you.

    Things that might help - and please don't think I'm teaching you to suck eggs:

    Occupational health - should be there to facilitate your return to work and look at any reasonable adjustments to your work load etc that will help your return. If you feel you need it, ask to return on a rehabilitation programme, gradually building up your hours. Be honest if there are aspects of your work that at present you will find hard to deal with. Any cost should be borne by the employer.

    If your boss wants to make a performance or disciplinary issue of what happened at a social event, they have to advise you that this is the case (in writing preferrably) prior to the meeting, what rights of representation you have and what the outcome of the meeting could be. I consider a legitimate response might be that, at the time, you had an undiagnosed stress/depression related condition for which you are now receiving treatment.

    Remember: No one can make you feel inferior unless you let them and you're way better than that!!

    Best regards.

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  • Posted

    Hi Stiltman - my shoulder of strength

    I am more than likely getting my knickers in a twist over nothing. I know its policy & procedure - Stupid me - I write enough policies for just about anything and everything now in this crazy society we live in.

    But I am nort quite sure where this matter of our night out is going! Yes, I did behave inappropriatley but then so did my 2 employers. He says his concern would be my fit to be in work (tricky position that I have) but the fact that I didn't 'lose it' during working hours or on works property and in fact was out as mates having a good time - originally!

    To me this suggest he is going to want to make sure I do not react in such a way at work. Well ermmm no I'm not - the drinking alcohol while feeling very tired and stressed wasnt consumed on work premises or in working time. Silly! That woulod never be the case and so no I would never have such a reaction while in work.

    Afterall, does he behave in work the same as he does when out with friends socialising?

    I wasn't using drugs of any kind - only alcohol - so I commited no crimes. I didn't draw attention to myself ina public place or anything.

    So this being brought up in a formal interview seems way too iffy to me.

    I had hummed and arrrrrrrrrred at the idea of going out - I was exhausted through working with limited sleep - my home life was at it's worst and so I wasn;t really in the right frame of mind - bt when I kept saying that day in work that I wasn't sure if I would be going out or not - everyone kept telling me it would do be the world of good.

    Okay, yes in a strange way it did! I had a few drinks and broke down! I didn't become the life and soul of the party - well okay I did earlier on in the evening b ut as I drank more I lost more control and then of course the tears came, then the arguing and insulting of others followed by more tears.

    Maybe that night I snapped (okay with the help of alcohol) probably saved me from becoming more ill because it is from that point on jst how desperate I was for help.

    Which I did first thing on the Monday morning which was a weeks holiday anyway so didnt miss work. How was I to know it woould run into weeks - possibly months now! I realised after that Friday night out that I needed medical help and I sought it. Did they deal with how they had behaved towards me that night?

    I'm having a good float around now on my sleeping pills :magic:

    Feeling much calmer and hopefully come tomorrow I will see the positive side of all this and be capable of carrying on getting stronger.

    Melbi xxx

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  • Posted

    Well here goes -

    Received my appointment for CBT this morning. Next Tuesday at 1pm.

    Monday and Tuesday I was thinking to myself that I no longer require this - mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Yesterday proved that I might still be in need of it!

    LOL ermmmmm Katy you should see the questionnaires I have to complete and take with me! :shock:

    Melbi xxx

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