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Feeling quite stupid

Posted , 9 users are following.

leelee1022
leelee1022

I decided to go out on my front porch to get some fresh air, big mistake. Did fine going out, but coming back in was a different story. I caught one of my crutches and down I went. I skinned the knee on my good leg and got a bump on my head, but most of all I hurt my pride. I was so angry and disappointed in myself that I cried. I hate this! I hate feeling needy and not in control of my own life.

0 likes, 27 replies

27 Replies

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  • mary_73095
    mary_73095 leelee1022

    Posted

    Oh no I am so sorry is really tough isn't that lack of control. Can I commend you though for trying though I am too anxious to try my outside steps 🤕
    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 mary_73095

      Posted

      Thanks Mary, but I doubt if I try it again for awhile. It was 70 and sunny here today and I just wanted to enjoy it for a little while.

      I think the lack of control is one of the hardest parts. I have always been the one who has done everything for everyone and now I feel so helpless.

    • mary_73095
      mary_73095 leelee1022

      Posted

      It's such a big change for you isn't . Can you reframe and focus on what you can control. Helplessness can feel overwhelming what can you do to help you feel less helpless?

      I don't have the answers but I am feeling very similar to you and I am only two weeks postop.

      I am practising gratitude ...Writing down what I'm grateful for and that has helped with the despair.

    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 mary_73095

      Posted

      Thank you Mary, it is a big change. I am 9 weeks from break and 8 weeks post op, but still non weight bearing and still in a cast. I have tried everything. I have kept a journal, I have done puzzles, playing games with my 11 year old but after a while frustration sets in.
    • mary_73095
      mary_73095 leelee1022

      Posted

      Oh it's been such a long haul for you sorry if my response was a bit trite it's just so hard and I just wish you well and that you find a way to get through this x
    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 mary_73095

      Posted

      Mary you were not trite at all. This is a long journey and only the people who are going through or have gone through it understand. I thank God everyday that I have found people that understand the struggle. Hope your recovery goes quickly.
  • MDW
    MDW leelee1022

    Posted

    Wow, thank you for sharing in such a simple way the frustration and challenges of navigating ankle problems.  I had a Zimmer artificial ankle surgery in Jan and have returned to the crutches after what felt like a quick recovery - possible stress fracture.  What make s this all so difficult are the little things that I can't seem to do now.  Trying to live a normal life, but in no way prepared for it.  The occasional embarrassing falls, bumping into to people and objects.  I feel so powerless at times and everyone keeps reminding me to surrender...Not sure I can or this will never heal!
    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 MDW

      Posted

      I think the frustrations and challenges are the hardest part. Nothing can prepare you for what this is like mentally. My son keeps asking me how long til I can walk or when I am going to be me again and I don't have an answer.
  • MsCamboot
    MsCamboot leelee1022

    Posted

    Hi lee.

    Aww don't feel stupid. I too have fallen but I really hurt myself and had to call my daughter to take me for another X-ray. Don't worry about your pride or what others think, at least you are trying. I'm sorry this upset you. I too have broken down at times. You are not alone. I know it's hard to brush yourself off and carry on. You are not alone and I know exactly how you feel. It's all so depressing at times. You will get there. 🙂

    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 MsCamboot

      Posted

      Thank you for the encouragement. I think I am just getting anxious and a little frustrated. It feels like it has been forever and I want my life back. I am not a very patient person, yes I admitted it lol, so having to wait to heal is hard. I just keep telling myself that someday I will look back on this and hopefully think that it wasn't that bad.
  • dogsandjogs
    dogsandjogs leelee1022

    Posted

    I am so sorry!  I never used crutches. I have a walker - so much easier.I see by the other posts that nobody mentions them. They are so handy - mine has a seat with storage underneath  Of course they are not convenient with steps  unless you have just on e   Then you can lift the walker.
    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 dogsandjogs

      Posted

      My father in law has one that he used when he had hip replacement. He has offered it to me maybe I should take him up on it. I don't know how it would work on steps, but crutches didn't work well either.
    • MsCamboot
      MsCamboot leelee1022

      Posted

      Hi Lee.

      I used a Zimmer frame, so I hopped in the house and going up and down steps I sat and went up on and down on my bum. I know you can get a mobility scooter which you rest your leg on.

  • low-key
    low-key leelee1022

    Posted

    Lee, you must get it firm in your mind that this is just the beginning, and you will get stronger, and you will try things that you regret later, LOL I'm at 10 weeks since surgery. The hardest part for me was being confined to a nursing home as I had no one to help take care of me. (I'm 68 years old) I have lived alone since I was divorced. I made all the decisions, took care of everything and now was asking help to go pee! I've had 2 children and their births don't compare to the humiliation and embarassment of living in a nurseing home in the US.

    Back to your situation. Sounds like your not doing too badly. Steps are tricky no matter what you are using. Next time sit down at the top step or bottom one and do it one step at a time.

    I am lucky I have rented a duplex that has no steps, wide door frames and a sweet little patio out back. I'm now learning to walk again. I don't use my walker at home, only when I go out.

     Let me know how things are going for you.

     

    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 low-key

      Posted

      Thanks low-key, I will try that. It is nice to meet someone else from the US, where do you live?
    • low-key
      low-key leelee1022

      Posted

      Hey leelee! I'm from Missouri, just south of St Louis. Where are you from? My PT guy has really pushed me today. Swelling is a little better, however, I had a fracture blister that popped and now I'm praying it doesn't become infected. That is the worst thing that can happen to someone after ankle surgery.

      I think the variety of treatments comes from all the different types of injuries, and, of course, different surgeons, different countries.

      let me know how you're doing.

    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 low-key

      Posted

      Hi low-key, I am from Indiana just west of Evansville. We are practically neighbors. Glad your swelling is better, sorry pt was so rough. Keep an eye on your blister, dont need an infection. I have several under my cast, or I did when they changed it.

      I am doing OK, a little sore from my graceful fall yesterday.

    • low-key
      low-key leelee1022

      Posted

      You made me laugh! You're up late, I'm a night owl too. Watch old movies.

      Tomorrow will be better, sitting here, right now, I have no pain in my ankle. But, I have to get out of this chair and walk into my bedroom to go to bed and that will be painful, so I dread it. Once I settle in bed (always place a pillow long ways, between your knees, very important) the pain usually goes away and I sleep through the night.

    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 low-key

      Posted

      I worked nights before all of this, so I am usually up late.

      I have been getting swelling behind my knee, have you ever had that? I would love to sleep without having pain wake me up. I can't remember the last time I slept straight through the night. I sleep with my leg propped up, never thought about putting it between my knees.

    • low-key
      low-key leelee1022

      Posted

      Good morning leelee, Is your cast or boot too long? Does it get in the way of bending your leg? My cast was too long and I would bruise the back of my knee. I had to have the cast cut down in back which left a horribly rough edge that I had to constantly fuss with. But if you have swelling behind your knee it could be pressure from your cast. Don't let it go too long before mentioning it to your doc. Could be you have had your cast on too long. I knew it was time for me when the swelling had gone down in my leg and it was rubbing against the inside of the cast.

      I had a car accident, it took almost 3 weeks for the swelling to go down so they could operate, I had outside support with these rods through my ankle and into the outside of my leg until they could operate. That was Dec 30th 2015. So I'm only a little ahead of you. Comparissons are not so good, everyone heals differently. But I can understand why you are so anxious and frustrated.

       

    • leelee1022
      leelee1022 low-key

      Posted

      Good morning low-key, hope you slept well. No, my cast is a couple of inches from my knee, not near as high as my first one. I think I have been in a cast too long (9 weeks is a long time), but at my last appt I still had gaps between some of the bones. I am hoping when I go back in two weeks the gaps have closed and the cast can come off.

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