Feeling really sad at the moment

Posted , 5 users are following.

I’ve gotten into a very serious argument that I wish not to talk about. This has been affecting me in multiple ways. I now rarely exercise, sleep, or eat. I drink a lot of water and I lay in bed thinking about thoughts. I’m 14 years old, attending a high school. I don’t talk to my friends as often as I used to before I got into the argument. There are kids that always tick me off, and kids who always ignore me. Whenever I say something, example, the wrong answer to a question, I become a laughing stock, and I always tear up secretly afterwards. I feel worthless, I stare out at my window for hours, thinking “Everything is going to be fine”. I always say that, never comes true. Never. Never. I always say that I can make it through the day. Never. I try to give people a smile, and a “have a great day”, and I’m thinking in my mind “help”. I don’t know what to do. Never know.  I feel stupid, I always get angry at myself. It’s as if I’m another person. Whenever I look at a knife, I always think “Answer?” I don’t know what it is, but a knife always gives me thoughts of Suicide. Although shooting up the school, or shooting myself never came up on me head, god please don’t make that happen, but I do tend to think of weird things in my head when I take a brief look at a eight inch blade with a handle on it. I’ve never been bullied in my life, except with this one kid whose always insulting me. I don’t know what the hell happened. I used to be strong, smart, and friendly. Now I rarely talk to people, I always smile, breathe slowly, think of unusual stuff frequently, look at a mirror, only to see a stranger, stare out my window for hours. I do other things though. I play video games, Grand theft auto 5, Black ops 3, Garry’s mod, halo 4, Advanced Warfare... if that is relevant anyways. I feel really depressed whenever I do fun activities, even. I always try to kill people in gta. Oh, this one time, person in a hydra killed me like 10 times, and I threw my controller at the door, breaking my controller, busting my door, and cutting myself in the arm, a piece of sharp tipped wood flung over to me, and then you know the rest. I cuss often, every day in fact. I always sleep with my pet Chihuahua, thinking that I have someone with me. Please help, before it’s too late.

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Du755

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

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    • Posted

      Thank you, at least this site has some quick easy help I can use to prevent what I’m going through. Always crying, thinking “what do I have to live for? No girlfriend, deceased father, angry mother, ignorant brother, friends who don’t listen to me? All I have is my pet.” And that’s how I really feel..
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  • Posted

    Oh sweetie, I don’t things are awful for you, but things can get better.  Would you be able to start with some therapy?  Therapy can help you with your thoughts and your feelings.  All the negative feeings you are having is the depression talking, not the real you.  

    Please seek out help.  Call the crisis line.  The suicide hotline is confidential, and doesn’t have to be for people who are suicidal, it is for people in emotional distress.  I am so sorry you are going through this, but you can get through.  Again, please reach out to someone.  If your parents are not understanding, talk to a school counselor.  {{{hugs and prayers}}} update us, and let us know how you are doing.

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  • Posted

    Babe you are soo young people can be sooo cruel and not even realize how they really make a person feel deep down inside.. besides video games find an activity that makes u happy video games and violent ones can sometimes make u angry I soo wish I could be there for u I'm at a lost for words I want to reach out but I don't know wat to say to make u feel better because I really don't know 100% wat u are going through .. but my love don't give up on yourself u deserve to live just like everyone else and know you are not alone I really hope u can feel better soon 🙂

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  • Posted

    hey,

    you are not alone and you have every right to live, to have a good life, you deserve respect and most of all you have the right to be you. you are ok the way you are and if you feel like you want to change anything in your life than this is your right too.

    it can be hard feeling unwelcome or not liked by people we want us to like but consider that we are social beings and this is why we want that. this way we get integrated into our community or at least this was the case in the past. yet modern society is becoming a more and more individualistic one. this is why it is important to have a network of true friends, that we can talk about anything and they never judge us or combine terms with our friendships. this hard time will pass definitely yet new challenges will appear in your life. but never let yourself confuse of what others may think of you and do just what you like. no one asked you to be born into this world and yet you have to live with that and accept the gift that you are free and can do what you want even if people may not like it no one has the right to judge.

    what concerns me, even though i don't know what the argument was about and why this has this lasting effect on you, is that you are not talking to anyone from your family or at least you did not write that you were.

    haven't you tried to talk to your mom or dad what is bothering you. i'm sure they listen and may have some advise or make you feel loved and welcome. and isn't family the most important thing in life? i know they can sometimes be tough or hard to stand but in the end they will always love you for who you are.

    you know you really don't have to go through that alone. if you find you can not talk to your parents you can always talk to someone you feel more comfortable, maybe a doctor, a nurse or anyone you feel will listen and may be of help. sometimes even strangers we meet on our way to school or work can have an impounding effect because they're unbiased and give us new insights.

    to me you make the impression of someone that has a bright and fair mind, is sensitive and empathic. don't be to hard on yourself and accept that you're a human being with all that comes with it, even when it sometimes feels uncomfortable. i like that you wrote about your pet chihuahua. even though he/she can't speak he/she can feel you and give you comfort. sometimes it's more important what is not said and just time spent together makes us happy.

    sincerely,

    d

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    • Posted

      hey Du755,

      that's not what i meant. i was just explaining that today's society (in general) is turning into a more individualistic one and that this might seem that the traits of humans as a social beings, as we've lived for thousands of years may leave us with our emotional needs unfulfilled. yet this is where everyone must be active in their own way and assure that our needs are met.

      i take it from your text that you feel lonely and you try to cope with this by having your chiuhauah at your side when you sleep. also when you write that you had an argument and now you don't talk to your friends as much as you used to it seems like you feel ashamed or not loved by your friends, which brings you down further as your need to not feel lonely and feel loved are not being met. the more you isolate yourself the more your needs will not be met so you need to break the cycle and experience that what you feel and think at the moment is not correlating to the reality. i'm not saying your feelings or thoughts aren't real. i'm just saying they are subjective, which is normal as we're human beings. but at times we tend to mistake them as the truth and tend to believe them and we get stuck in our own reality. almost everybody falls into this trap or even lives with it as we're not aware of that fact. but the longer you accept this to be your truth it will be. so it is up to you to reach out and experience that reality does not match. you have to become active and start changing things. i know this may seem hard and yes i know it is really hard but you should not expect for changes to come over night. start with small steps. maybe a phonecall to a helpline or a talk to your parents. when you do that you will notice that the world does not seem as dark as you may see it at this moment and that you are in a lot of control. you also have to be aware that once you started it will not just be a ride up but there will be times where you may feel exactly the same. this is totally normal as your behaviour can not change your neural pathways like the programming of a computer that once you've installed the update it will run in only the new direction. but everytime you choose to go the new road your new pathways will strengthen and the good thing is that your old ones will diminish over time if you don't use them anymore. it's like training a muscle. if you use it, it will strengthen and if you don't it weakens.

      another good thing is that at your age your brain is highly plastic and you have the best chance to turn things around for the good.

      so, what do you say?

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  • Posted

    I still do not know if I have clinical depression. I just need some help before that dagger gives me the help I want. Please, I can’t control myself, I don’t know, I just don’t f*****g know how to control myself anymore. F**k!
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