Posted , 5 users are following.
I’ve gotten into a very serious argument that I wish not to talk about. This has been affecting me in multiple ways. I now rarely exercise, sleep, or eat. I drink a lot of water and I lay in bed thinking about thoughts. I’m 14 years old, attending a high school. I don’t talk to my friends as often as I used to before I got into the argument. There are kids that always tick me off, and kids who always ignore me. Whenever I say something, example, the wrong answer to a question, I become a laughing stock, and I always tear up secretly afterwards. I feel worthless, I stare out at my window for hours, thinking “Everything is going to be fine”. I always say that, never comes true. Never. Never. I always say that I can make it through the day. Never. I try to give people a smile, and a “have a great day”, and I’m thinking in my mind “help”. I don’t know what to do. Never know. I feel stupid, I always get angry at myself. It’s as if I’m another person. Whenever I look at a knife, I always think “Answer?” I don’t know what it is, but a knife always gives me thoughts of Suicide. Although shooting up the school, or shooting myself never came up on me head, god please don’t make that happen, but I do tend to think of weird things in my head when I take a brief look at a eight inch blade with a handle on it. I’ve never been bullied in my life, except with this one kid whose always insulting me. I don’t know what the hell happened. I used to be strong, smart, and friendly. Now I rarely talk to people, I always smile, breathe slowly, think of unusual stuff frequently, look at a mirror, only to see a stranger, stare out my window for hours. I do other things though. I play video games, Grand theft auto 5, Black ops 3, Garry’s mod, halo 4, Advanced Warfare... if that is relevant anyways. I feel really depressed whenever I do fun activities, even. I always try to kill people in gta. Oh, this one time, person in a hydra killed me like 10 times, and I threw my controller at the door, breaking my controller, busting my door, and cutting myself in the arm, a piece of sharp tipped wood flung over to me, and then you know the rest. I cuss often, every day in fact. I always sleep with my pet Chihuahua, thinking that I have someone with me. Please help, before it’s too late.
3 likes, 9 replies