Feeling suicidal

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I've been taking mirtrazapine for nearly two months. I was feeling okay at first; my anxiety and low moods were better.However, for the last few weeks I can't escape the feeling of wanting to be dead. I find myself crying and wanting to be with my grandparents. I have thought about taking an overdose of the medication,browsed suicide methods and can't cope anymore.

I've got two children and can't cope with it anymore. They're 16 and 11. I asked my eldests dad a few months ago if he would let them live with him and he wasn't interested. I just can't cope anymore. I'm constantly wishing I was dead as my life has no purpose. My GP isn't the most understanding and has a pull yourself together attitude. 

A lot has happened over the last few years and one of my children is in LA care. I just can't do it anymore. I haven't got any immediate family and even getting up for work is proving a struggle.

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello Aly, 

    Can I ask what dose you are taking? 

    I'll promise you this much, life will get better if you find a doctor who understands and is supportive. Please can you look at the option of moving doctors and perhaps getting referred to a psychiatrist for therapy?

    I've been in a pretty bad state myself, and have been able to come out the other side, I know you can too you just have to trust me on this. 

    If you're on 15mg, please ask your doctor about moving up to 30mg. 

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  • Posted

    Please change your doctor! I'm mirtazapine mainly for anxiety, although it's stopped working for me lately and there are better medications to help with your situation, I know that! Please just don't go back to the same doctor anymore. There is help for you out there! You're not alone in this!
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    • Posted

      Hi 1980,

      You mention it has stopped working for you? Have you been able to find a better med that suits your needs? 

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    • Posted

      Today I spoke to my friend's dad who is a psychiatrist and he said to ask my gp for clonazepam (good for the quick results) or prozac. I'm going tomorrow and will see what I can get. I'm sure all of them have pros and cons but I was told today that it's very individual (gp should monitor!), not ideal to change them often but it may take a while to find the most suitable for you. 
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    • Posted

      That's really interesting 1980,

      One is a benzodizapine the other is an ssri, both with their own set of aide effects. 

      Like you said, it is down to trial and error and what might treat depression in one, can trigger the opposite effect on another. The many paradoxes of mental health. 

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  • Posted

    i feel similiar,these tablets give me a great sleep but seen to put me aat a new dimmension of depression on bad days feeling suicidal.iv been on 15mg for about 3 months during this time i tried upping to 3omg, same helped first few days then felt worse so went back to 15mg, thinking of stopping
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  • Posted

    Hi Ally,

    Mertz actually comes with a black box suicide warning in the states! It's not the only anti many do. I have been tapering off Mertz for the last 5 weeks, tapering from 30mg and presently at 8mg, it's a horrid med to get off from for many people. When I was on 39mg I too thought of suicide many times, I even told my wife to watch me. Since reducing my dose thoughts have got much better, although the withdrawel affects are very bad even with tapering. What Mg are you on? Did you get the suicide thoughts before taking Mertz? If after or your thoughts got worse after taking it then I recommend you come if it, consult your Dr, even a hard nosed one can't ignore suicidal thoughts as it looks like you need help now.  Do a search for a site by Douglas Bloch, it probably saved my life! He has many good supporting things to help. One good thing he says is; when going through hell ... Keep going, don't stop. Ally if it gets too much call somebody and just tell them, even the Samaratins. Douglas talks about giving yourself a life raft, even to the end of the day, then the next day give yourself another, as your problem will pass, as everything passes in time. Be strong for your kiddies and yourself as one day you will look back on these times as things of the past. Be strong and take care Ally, you know you can do it. Warmest regards, Norman

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    • Posted

      Hi Norman,

      i am on 15mg...I cant take being all over the place. I feel powerless and not in control of my own emotions. Today i feel a little better bit i know that feeling won't last very long.

      i will check out the site. Thank you for your kind words. Ally

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  • Posted

    Hi Ally,

    15mg is quite low, If your still having suicidle thoughts I wouldnt go increasing it. But If your feelings are all over the place then it looks like you need something to help stabilise you, but check this out with your Dr, and if your unhappy with your Dr then find another who has more time and understanding for you.  I know its easier said than done, but you owe it to yourself to find a good Dr.  I'm also taking CBT therapy which has helped me, and I know from the website many others, evenh self help like CBT for Dummies which is cheap on Amazon.  Often knowing how to feel about a particular situation can help loads!  We often get tangled up in our minds with incorrect assumptions on situations, or need a better way of understanding problems and working them out, CBT shows us this.

    Just remember your no on your own their, many people are on this forum to help, I'm sure you will soon be helping others yourself!

    Take care

    Norman

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  • Posted

    I went to the GP this morning and she has put me on setraline 50mg. I have to stop taking the other meds for 3 days before i start them. Bit worried about how I'm going to feel as i thought you aren't supposed to just stop taking them. Fingers crossed these help.
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    • Posted

      Hi Ally,

      Well done for sorting out something with your Dr.  Its not a good idea to just stop Mirtz, better to decreasae slowly, did your Dr mention this?  Do you have enough tabs to taper with?  I'm sure you want to start the setraline asap, but be aware of withdrawel symptems!  But not everybody gets them.

      Good luck, remember to eat well, and for sleep probs try a banana or warm oat meal (warm milk) with honey before bed.

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    • Posted

      Hi Norman,

      the GP said,to stop taking the mirtz immediately so it can leave my system then start the setraline in four days time.

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