feeling suicidal but don't know what to do

John, I very much hope that this does not end your life!! Please go immediately to your GP or A&E to tell them you are suicidal and have made a real attempt, you need to be with people to at least be safe! It may seem impossible and hopeless to go and do that, but surely the alternative is no better? If you feel in hell, then you will feel in hell wherever you are or whatever you're doing. So I'm telling you now, at this point, not going to a doctor/hospital is not even an option anymore. You are the sky and depression is a cloud. The cloud can't exist without the sky, but the sky CAN and DOES exist without the cloud. Deep depression cannot last forever, it's simply not possible. If you have someone to go with you, that would be great - if you don't, that's also fine. Get to a professional now, say you cannot be alone right now because you are a danger to yourself, they will prescribe you antidepressants most likely, it seems you already have a prescription for mirtazapine but there are so many different medications out there, this one potentially is NOT the one for you. Get an appointment with a psychotherapist - I'm not sure CBT is the best approach for those with severe depression but psychotherapy has helped so many people who have been at a suicidal point like you. We are so lucky in the UK, arent't we? To have free healthcare, free hospital stays and GP visits! Trained therapists, whatever you think they think of you, want to get you better and really do care. They need to have a humanistic reason for entering the profession. People care about you. I care about you. For now, get yourself out of a situation where you are alone, make sure the medical professionals know that if you are sent home, you will be a risk to yourself. Time can kill depression, or at least injure it So can talking to someone who understands our minds and can help you make sense of why you feel so low (besides chemical reasons - medication can and usually does help take care of the chemical causes of depression) and how you can change your thoughts which will change how you feel. I promise that. Right now you should not think about work or study or responsibilities, if these worry you a doctor can give you a letter to send to whoever needs to receive it, mental illness is now recognised universally as a disability, so you should not worry about not being able to cope with the responsibilities of life right now. One day, you will be able to cope. This time in your life will feel very alien to you. So for now you must only think about YOURSELF and recovery. If you feel you are alone in life, without family, friends or a partner, this does not matter. I know having people around is a comfort, but thinking negative thoughts of loneliness will not help you. I know it's very hard

not to think like this, but you can at least try to distract yourself from this. Because you will meet people while you are recovering, and really great people who will be in your life for a long time. Through therapy groups (people who know how you feel), community events and volunteer work. You will meet the nicest and most supportive people who you can be with physically, or just talk to when you feel bad (which will happen less frequently  and less severely in the future, believe me). People can be so beautiful. And talking to people, professional or not, is an amazing help. It gets you out of your cycle of dark thoughts, even if it's just a few seconds of distraction when you're not feeling hopeless and your mind is able to think about something else that is if not positive, not negative! Please don't leave us yet, you already know you have at least one person who really truly cares that you are alive and get better! Me! I know how it feels. Last Tuesday, I was suicidal for a period. I felt better in the evening. Then again on Wednesday. Again I felt better in the evening. Every day since then has been less dark. I haven't even started my psychotherapy yet and the meds have already laid the groundwork for feeling better. I see my therapist for the first time on Wednesday.  I am on 100mg of sertraline. The trigger of my deep depressive episode this time (it also happened 2 years ago and since then i have experienced nearly a whole year of both contentment and real happiness) was going away from home, and particularly doing that about 5 days after I stopped taking my 50mg prescription of sertraline, because I thought I didnt need it. I did.

I really hope you are ok and that you read this and take these steps. ??

I just got this message in my inbox.

John I'm hoping and praying you are OK.   I hope you managed or someone else managed to get you to hospital on time and that you are now being properly looked after.

This is terrible that you feel so bad and have done this.  I wish I could help or get you help but I don't know where you are.

Please reply to us here.

Im very worried too, i really hope this attempt didnt work x

I know, I only just read the message.   I wish I had on Monday night.   Please reply John.  We are worried.

John? Are you there? 🕊