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Hello, I want to thank you guys so much for taking the time to read this. I will start off by saying that, I am very scared of these feelings. They feel very real to me, there are things going on in my mind that I will keep in, but I will say that it hurts me. My mind plays these scenarios that are very hurtful, cold, and sad. I believe the thoughts as if they are reality. I tell myself it is not, but a good percentage of me will not let me see and feel how unreal the scenarios are. It has gotten bad enough to where, some days I don't really smile, and my mom is the first to detect it. I love my mom, and she loves me a lot, but my mom is starting to, every now and again get mad at me for feeling depressed. It is true, I need to snap out of it, but it is not at all easy, I can snap out of it for a few minutes, but the scenarios and negative comments push through the next day. My mom does understand how I feel, I am still a teenager, but it is bad enough to where I bring it up frequently.
The feelings have looped around so much, and I have told people about it so much to the point to where I now feel guilty for feeling this way, and I am scared of becoming a leech (a person who stays the way they are, to feed off of what others give them in reply) or being seen as a leech.
I called my grandma and she offered support to this, saying she was the same when she was a teenager, and I shouldn't be ashamed.
Yesterday was good, even though I had those feelings I was able to find a good way to escape, and my mom was not upset.
What makes these feelings loop is, I am scared I will lose people and things because of this. Is this normal?
I love everyone, and I care for everyone.
I never want to lose my loved ones, and the things that I care about, especially since both have helped me when feeling this way.
Anyone else experience this vicious loop? I care about so many things, that I don't want to lose all of the things I care about.
I would like some prayers so that I can enjoy these things, and never lose them.
Thank you for reading.
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