Finding life hard

Posted , 6 users are following.

hi, I am Veronica and I am finding life a struggle at the moment. 

I am 73 years old. My brother has just shot himself after my daughter reopened a case against him for child abuse. No one let us know, the police rang my daughter and dais they couldn't continue as the person she was accusing was dead! 

On top of all of this she is my only child as my son committed suicide and he was abused by my brother too.

my daughter got married yesterday and only had her two sons there. I have to see her photograph on Facebook and it breaks my heart. I used to be very close to my brother until I got to know about the abuse but didn't speat to him for 20 years once I found out. My partner of 10 years has changed, I think all this disruption with my family has turned him against me as his family is almost perfect. 

His daughter is a teacher and his son has his own business. I am lost as to what to do, we own a lovely bungalow and at this age find it very difficult to move out.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    dear Vonnie,

    thats a very sad tale to hear from you.  People don't talk about abuse because it was a taboo subject.  But well done for opening up and clearing the air a bit.  Talk to your partener honestly and see where it goes.  Hopefully he will respect you and be OK about this.   Hope things improve and that you talk about it.

    Richard

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  • Posted

    I agree Vonnie this is a very sad tale.  Do I understand that you and your daughter are estranged because of what your brother did?  If not what did caused it do you think?  Didn't you agree with her reopening the case against your brother?  

    I can't believe your partner has turned against you because of this as it isn't your fault is it?   Have you had a chat with him why he is acting like this?  And no one's family is 'almost perfect' by the way.  x

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    • Posted

      Hello. No we are not estranged and I did agree to her reopening the case against him! She has suffered depression and is still on pills. 

      I looked after her eldest son because of her depression for 3 years before he went to university. Supposedly her partner is shy and didn't want anyone there only wttness. She rang me after the wedding but today I am so upset, she has been very overweight for years but now she is with Steve she had a better standard of life and has lost over two stone in weight. I have supported her all of the years, took her shopping and to the doctors every week but now she lives away and never comes to see me and doesn't seem to want to meet up either.

      i am heartbroken that I cannot see the new slimmer happier Cathy. 

      Now my brother is dead she says she feels free for the first time sinse she was 6 years old and says her main reason for reopening the case on the back of the Jimmy Savil and Rolph Harris cases was to stop other children been abused.

      my family life is having a big effect on my relationship as my partner never wanted my Grandson to live with us but I had no option as he was threatening to kill himself and after my son killing himself I had to have him!

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  • Posted

    how about some family counselling?

    Richard

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    • Posted

      I don't know has my daughter would never visit when there was anyone here, She used to be very beautiful but with the depression and sadness she put on weight and was embarrassed to let the family see her as she was. She has just married her solemate who is the same as her and they never visit anyone. They have just bought a Villa in Spain and are going to live there when they have sold their house! I will never see her then as I don't fly anymore.
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  • Posted

    Hi Vonnie, I am so very sorry to hear of your sad story and how it is affecting your life. I do have some understanding of suicide has my husband and nephew commited suicide. You must feel so alone and unsupported with all this to bear and you have lost so much. I feel your partner is too close to help you as he may feel helpless, thou this doesn't help you. No one can feel your pain like you do. I would see your GP and seek counselling and talking therapies. Keep with this forum has people here can be very supportive and listen. If you would like to pm me i can talk to you more. Hugs Elizabeth 
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    • Posted

      Oh thank you all! It is such a help that people understand, I have never joined a forum before and it is a massive help to have people understand! 

      I too was abused when I was a child by my big brother so have been mixed up all of my life! Is all such a mess!! 

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