for better or worse

Waterman thank you so much? Someone who finally gets it? I have a problem when it comes to seeing other peoples misery and torment. I suppose I need help,apparently to some people being caring and worrying about others and what's going on in the world is some sort of disease that needs curing so I too can be a selfish self righteous self orientated individual and as long as I,m alright Jack? I don't live by the sea but if wanted to I certainly could. I've only saw one episode of only way is Essex and to be honest it made me ill. As for some comments made in some replies I must admit one or two where half decent advice but if wanting to lose weight, who better than a larger so called burger eater to give advice? They can tell you what not to do? If a drug addict who better to advise than someone who has been on drugs? Someone who's read afew books on the subject? (I think not) being judgmental is an awful trait when looking at others? Myself I,m in pretty good shape, got a small but my own gym in my basement. I look pretty healthy, if I wrote down the financial figures I've given away to help others, "not charities" but people. The figures would look like rather long phone numbers. Yes, got to say it, I don't want that side of my life changing, I don't want to be so selfish and judgemental and dream I have good advice on things I know absolutely nothing about? So thanks again waterman. I appreciate your reply.

Living by the sea is great and it is great you have the choice. As for the programme about the Essex people, it makes people who live her laugh. When my partner wanted me to move to the seaside in Essex I told him I did not want to lower our standards and end up living in a slum, or where there are lots of bored housewives or lazy dole scroungers or the mentally ill, and nor did he. But like he said you have the good bits and the bad bits same as you do in any town or city. My cleaner said to me the other day that she won't take any any work in THAT area where the lazy housewives and dole scroungers and chavs live, and I dont blame her. It took us a long time to find a house that was nice enough and big enough with a big enough garden.

Agree with you about the people who give advice after just reading a few books. Sadly a lot of people in forums do that. And then get mouthly if they read something that someone else has said that they do not approve of. Rather childish and says a lot more about them than the person they are commenting on. I think one of the problems here is that most of the people posting have nowhere else to be listened to. They are not professional people who can sell their opinions so they come here and voice here. Then they read what other people say and very often misunderstand it or get it into their head that it was unfair or whatever, when they are not even qualified to work that out.

It is good to realise you cannot give advice on something if you are not qualified in it but most of us are knowledgeable and qualified in something, particularly when we get to a certain age. I worked hard for my qualifications and am very glad I did. They gave me a good income, a lovely house and an opinion that counts.

There is an old saying that states, '' It is more blessed to give than receive''

Wow, Carmel, where to begin in response to your post? Infact I don't think I can, for the first time in a long long time I am totally lost for words.what I will say is that I have read some of your posts and you seem like a real compassionate and caring person. Can't say much more than that, except maybe have you ever heard of Booker T Washington?she was a lady from the civil rights movement in America? One of her many famous sayings is (I will let no man drag me down so low as to make me hate him) I can look in the mirror every morning and the face that looks back is happy and content with what it sees, my own achievements in life which there are many, pale in comparison to what I know I can still achieve. 

Hi Nightowl. Thanks for that. Yes I am a compassionate person, also very fair and honest, but I think you are too. Never heard of Booker but maybe this is because I live in the UK. When I research and read it tends to be about health and psychology and nutrition etc rather than fiction or politics or religion or world affairs.

You know I used to watch the news and read newspapers and then get very upset. A few months ago I caught a video online quite by chance and then wished I had not seen it. It was a video of young army recruits laying goats down on tables - the goats would lay there shaking and petrified - the army recruits stood there laughing and laughing at how much fun it was - and then one by one cut off the goats legs with secateurs. Saying this was part of their training. I had nightmares and got so angry for a long time. Even if it was part of their training (whichmade no sense to me anyway) why did they have to laugh aqnd enjoy it? I love animals and hate any form of cruelty. The famous psychiatrist Raj Persaud says when it comes to worrying give 30 mins to each problem or decision and spend it working out what you can do to make it better. Beyond 30 mins is a waste of time. And if it is something you cannot do ANYTHING about don;t even start to think about it. It does not mean that you are mean or selfish or hard it is for self preservation and to stp yourself wasting a lot of emotional energy and time.

Hi Carmel, I've only just got back in after deciding to make a few changes in my life and hopefully begin a new chapter? Painful as it seems I know it's for the best. Anyway thanks for your reply, awful things go on in this world hun, I've witnessed quite afew first hand but beyond our control to interfere. I wrote a post b4 about selling up and mo ing to an island somewhere but reality has now set in? It would be nice fir a while but eventually it would do my head in? Lol. Instead I think I'll book a fortnights hol in sharm or somewhere, take a good book and collect my thoughts away from it all? Won't be for a mnth or two but things have got to change and it's only myself who can change things. Now that I've took the 1st step I,m confident that by the end of this week I will be at full gallop. I,'ll still keep to myself but at least my decision making process will be out there in full gear? Thanks for everything?

Hi Night owl. No need to thank me, its a pleasure to know you on here. Hope you are happy.