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Hi ladies, I think the one subject which has obsessed my mind lately is how much I worry about how I won't be able to cope when parents for example pass on in life. On how I could have achieved more in my life and how guilty I feel about any hurt I've caused family members. Does anyone else had these thoughts since the menopause I mean? Donna x
2 likes, 34 replies
Amalie13 Donna23316
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kelly55079 Donna23316
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Yes, I worry about my parents.. Dad is 80 BUT do not see him at this age.. Its just so sad that he is 80!! Why can't he be 55 or 60 again? My mom is close to 80 and doing well but still I get sad when I think about them not being here!! They are slowly cleaning out their house and every now and then dad tells me what he wants when he dies.. One time, I was bawling like a baby!! But now I just hold it together and change the subject quickly. And yes, I could've achieved more in my life too. And seeing all my nieces and nephews striving for all this degrees and positions making great $$$--I should be happy but it gets me down because I should've done that!! I just feel stupid at times..
juanita93228 kelly55079
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I agree, when I started out I wanted to be a doctor. I took one biology class in college and the professor was not very good(I realize now it was her not me)so I didn't like the class and based on that one class I decided I didn't want to go into medicine. I have a Master's Degree, but it's not in something where you make big bucks(what was I thinking?). But, I'm glad I have it.
Amalie13 kelly55079
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Kelly......I have the SAME thoughts. It pains me to think my mom is going to be 78. My father (who I was not close to) passed suddenly about three years ago. How did we all become this age? So along with the fear, anxiety, and depression, we are also juggling changing roles. Suddenly, we are the "adults" (which is especially apparent in my situation, since we do not have children). At times, I wish I could crawl into my mom's lap......as a younger person......and have her assure me that things will be ok. At this point, I hide my perimenopause issues from her......since I do not want to create worry. And yes, seeing young 20 somthings with their whole lives ahead of them makes me weepy. I never expected this phase to be so difficult.
Finny2018 Amalie13
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Amalie - this post so resonated with me! I am reflecting on my post the other day that I said I want my mommy, too, in reply to another post! I want to go back in time since I had no idea this perimenopause could bring with it hormones times 1000 and make me teary, and worry, and feel so fragile - I want to go back to before this time!
When you mentioned the twenty somethings - I vividly remember being in a restaurant bathroom about 25 years ago putting on some lipstick. The gal 3 sinks down was beautiful - I would say she was in her late 40's early 50's. I remember her pausing and looking at me. She looked like she was starting to cry. She said "enjoy these times". I didn't ask her why. Maybe she was just having a rough time. Or maybe, like me now, she was having a rough time with menopause. But I remembered that the other day - and it is so applicable now. I don't want to have any regret - I have been so passionate and thankful in my life! I can't say I didn't appreciate it all that I have - but now it's realizing it with such a different perspective.
amanda59745 Donna23316
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Donna23316 amanda59745
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Thanks for your reply Amanda. I already have depression and anxiety. Have done for many years. Its as though my depression flared up again since the menopause. I think my tend to think quite morbidly at the best of times. Past couple of days I've had a bug or virus, and I'm just in tears all the time. Just feel down, probably run down. I can always rely on myself to put myself down and wish and hope that I could become emotionally stronger but I just Can't. Oh well...Donna xxx
mauiblue Donna23316
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I worry a LOT as well, to the point where i remind myself how negative an nonproductive it is and hard on me. to be in your head just worrying for nothing..makes absolutely no sense to me in my rational mind.
But there i am, lying in bed thinking about all of the what ifs could ifs how ifs, why ifss..uh oh i did that, uh oh he ssaid that to me, Oh no i forgot todo this, oh no what are my boys going to do if i die?
Really just nonsense. We dont have control over any any of it at all.
We can only do our best every day..
No plans here for me, just a day to day experience, i enjoy my boys smile, their jokes, their asking me for help, im here for them, and when i get better i will be there for me too..its all i got
so yes im with you Donna
x0x0x
Finny2018 Donna23316
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Donna,
Yes. Since starting this menopause thing - I am experiencing all new emotions that were never there before! It's been SO hard. I am reminiscing on when my Dad was alive and crying and missing him and wanting to tell him I'm so sorry if I caused him hurt etc. Then I've been worrying non stop - health, the future, my kids, my husband. This all felt like it came out of nowhere for me. Not sure what others have experienced - but along with a LOT of physical meno symptoms - these new worries are so hard. My husband keeps reminding me it's my hormones as he can see I'm talking about things and worrying about things - and this is all new. Then my latest is - the worry of; is this my new normal? Am I going to come out of this stage at some point?????
juanita93228 Finny2018
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Oh, Finny I can sympathize with you. I've had some meno symptoms, but by far the worst has been the depression, health anxiety, and the worrying about things that I have no reason to worry about. The Bible clearly tells us not to worry because it will not add one day to your life. Then I worry about shortening my life. Lol! The emotional part of this transition is almost harder than the physical part. I've been dealing with this for about 7 months, it started around January for me. I was always a bit of a worrier and so was my mother. I think most women are natural born worriers, but it seems in menopause the worry is ramped up to an absolutely ridiculous stage! I read somewhere where 87 percent of the stuff we worry about never happens! Then I worry about the 13 percent lol! I'm praying to get past this stage. Remember Finny we made it past the other symptoms. ((((hugs))))
Finny2018 juanita93228
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Juanita,
Thank you. I have had to cling so tightly to my faith and have been listening to a lot of worship music and meditating on scripture. The hormones are all over the place - periods coming at totally different times is wreaking havoc on what was once a very predictable thing in my life along with the moods that would come for just a few days consistently every month before my period.
Since June - all of that has ramped up to a level I've never experienced. I am learning so much in this valley. I have a love and a compassion towards people who have suffered with depression or anxiety...now, for the first time at 49 going on 50 - I have a peek into something that is so hard - something you have no control over at all - I can't control the lack of hormones and what it causes to my physical and emotional part of my body.
Today I am back to "tough it out" - try to do it without hormones, bhrt, creams, AD etc. And then tomorrow I will probably feel opposite of that. Today I have a very heavy period - 16 days late. Want to crawl in bed and watch movies but can't. Thanks for your post - it's good to know we can help one another with an encouraging note. (((((HUGS))))))
Donna23316 Finny2018
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Yes! I hope so! Lots of changes are going on literally within us. One of the major changes is hormonal which directed affects your mood. Hence the mood swings. I just want you to know that you are definitely not alone with this. I get so down on myself that it's a psychological battle, most days I'd say. It's not as though I'm "catatonic, I can still laugh but my mood is predominantly low. Scratch the surface, and I'm sad underneath. I would liken it to being permanently due on! At least when I came on I felt better. Now I have no periods and no respite. We will be OK. Message me anytime, and privately I I'd you like. Donna xxx
Amalie13 Donna23316
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I am trying to meditate and live in the "Now".... which can be very helpful. There are some fantastic books that combine Buddhism and other Eastern schools of thought, which make perfect sense. You will see that most of us have these feelings, at one time or the other. For me, some days are better than others. This has been an especially trying time. I seem to cycle by the month.....having 2 or three "good" (better months)......only to crash at a later date. And as we all know, it is difficult to *crawl* out of a hole. It is also helpful to remember that our emotions change like the weather. Nothing is permanent. And our thoughts are not facts. We just have to ride out the store.
Finny2018 Amalie13
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Amalie,
Your experience sounds a little like mine. I can have several "good" months and then it seems I will have a month where I crash with a ton of symptoms during that particular cycle. I did read that with this some women do indeed experience it in large waves and then can be "good" again for a while. It makes it difficult to make future plans as I don't know how I am going to feel based on this last year of Peri! And yes - our thoughts are not facts!
Amalie13 Finny2018
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Donna23316 Amalie13
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Omg Amalie, you are I and I am you! The resemblance is striking. I hate making plans for the same reason you stated. I don't know how I will feel on the day. Everything has to be spur of the moment, spontaneous. It's because of the anxiety. It really is a hindrance at times but I hate feeling as though I have to do something. It's a nightmare. I never used to think like this. And I don't know why I suffer from "Gad". It just wish that i didn't! Donna x
lori93950 Donna23316
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