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Found out today!

Posted , 3 users are following.

sarah24246
sarah24246

Hi guys, I know there's a lot of first time sufferers posting on here but I just thought I'd post anyway and get some personal advice. Found out today that I've got herpes... cried a lot, felt fine a ready to face the world a few hours later and then had a few more breakdowns since. Currently in the breakdown stage and feeling pretty sorry for myself. I'm living abroad for the year and so I'm feeling pretty lonely away from my family (not that I'd be ready to tell my parents yet) and just a bit lost in general. I know it's not as bad as my mind is letting me think at the moment but it does slightly feel like the end of the world at this moment. The main thing bothering me right now is breeching the subject with potential partners... I'm 20 years old and I'm not particularly shy, I'm scared this is going to change me as a person having it at the back of my head constantly. I'm pretty scared of rejection as it is, let alone there being a valid reason for it. Any words of comfort/advice are welcome!

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • tom63533
    tom63533 sarah24246

    Posted

    Hi Sarah,

    Your reaction is completely understandable, if you read some of the comments on other threads you will notice a lot of people have had the same reaction. I keep fluctuating between angry and upset, but after talking to people on here it's got better. How many days have you had this for?

    I understand that you feel alone, I feel the same! The only people I have spoken to about this are the people in this forum, and I don't think I will ever tell anyone other than partners!

    Try and remember that it isn't the end of the world. I had some great advice saying that it sounds scarier than it is. If you refer to it as cold sores jt really sounds better 

    • sarah24246
      sarah24246 tom63533

      Posted

      Hey Tom,

      Yeah it makes me feel better knowing I'm not completely overreacting compared to other people!

      I started getting symptoms about 2 days ago so naturally rushed for an appt as soon as I could this morning. Cried on the doctor who told me it was completely normal (which it is I guess). It's just the knowledge that I'm going to be stuck with this for the rest of my life, and I'm only 20!

      I've only told my 2 closest girl friends but I understand you not wanting to mention it. Though tbh it helped knowing that there were people who knew my position even if they couldn't directly relate.

      This forum has definitely helped me see things a lot more clearly already though!

      I think I'm just going to have to give it a few days to sink in and decide how best to approach the situation. I'm just scared I won't want to/be able to talk to guys anymore which isn't the greatest notion when I should be dating...

      When did you find out?

    • tom63533
      tom63533 sarah24246

      Posted

      Hey Sarah,

      Yea it is very frustrating that you are only 20, I'm only 21! Just think how worse it could be though, that's what I have been trying to do!

      How did your friends react when you told them?

      I understand that concern, I'm the exact same. I keep thinking what girl is going to want to date a lad who has this... I've been thinking a lot about how that conversation will pan out and there was a suggestion on the thread I started which seemed useful! 

      A lot of people could have this though, odds are you will come across a guy who has it, but may not know!

      I found out Monday, but suspected earlier. I went the doctors this time last week and he Completly missed it, and I'm just about to go back now and hopefully get some advice - had no professional advice so far!

      I was very down on Tuesday about it. I had a date on Monday night with a girl who was staying at mine, nothing has happened with her and despite her advances I was very abrupt in saying no... Don't think I have done myself any favours but I managed to convince her to see me again and I'm going to try and have the conversation with her on Friday! 

    • sarah24246
      sarah24246 tom63533

      Posted

      That's true, could be a lot worse! I'm lucky it's the worst thing I've ever suffered from I guess, still a bit of a shock.

      Is there nobody close to you you would feel comfortable telling? 

      My friends knew something was up and I had my suspitions so they weren't shocked when I told them, just a bit clueless on the subject but tried to calm me down. Was just nice that they weren't bothered or grossed out or anything and just said it would all be fine basically! 

      I think I read that thread so will maybe take that advice myself should the ocassion arise! Though I think I need a bit more time to come to terms with it before I venture out any further...

      I keep telling myself how normal it is and it's helping me feel a bit better. Damn stigma just makes it hard to come to terms with!

      I hope you find the professional advice you're looking for. I wish my doctor had said more than 'looks like herpes' before giving me a prescription. Bit of professional comfort would have been nice. But talking to you is definitely helping smile

      Good luck with your conversation! Like everyone on here is saying, if she can't handle it she's not the one!

    • tom63533
      tom63533 sarah24246

      Posted

      I have my parents I suppose, but i've never been too comfortbale sharing things like this! My housemates are around but to be honest, I don't think i'm ready to share it yet!

      That's good they werent bothered, they shouldn't be!

      I would advise you to perhaps go back to the doctors. I have just got back now, and hewas brilliant about it. He said it was extremly common, and nothing to be concerned about. I have been on some anti viral tablets for 5 days (ends tomorow), although he has given me an extra course to completly get rid of it. He also said that it is not infectious other than when there are actual sores around. Although that seems to contradict some of the things I have heard, apparently you get pass it on at any time. 

    • sarah24246
      sarah24246 tom63533

      Posted

      It's good that you have your parents, that's the best kind of support!

      I think I'm going to save telling my parents for another time, need to come to terms with it properly myself first. Though I'm feeling a lot better about it this morning which is good. Trying not to let it define me!

      I might make another appointment then just for a chat and some professional support. Hmm that's strange because yeah I've read that any contact at any time can spread it which got me really scared... Essentially had me thinking my sex life is over until I find the one!

  • golddd
    golddd sarah24246

    Posted

    Hello

    I have simular situations like u, i am also 20 studying abroad, my parents know they are okey with it cuz this doesnt define me in any way. However about telling someone thats hard, even tho i am in good terms with the herpes i decided not to suffer cuz of this! I put my anger into good use- boxing it really helps!!! 

    I dont know how i am gonna tell a guy about it, and there is a potenial one so soon i have to tell him. I will be as strong and confident as i can be, if he rejects me cuz of that i will feel bad but it will pass. 

    I have those moments when i feel very down and probably i think about this everyday ..i hope it will pass.So dont be depressed so many people are dealing with what u are 

    • sarah24246
      sarah24246 golddd

      Posted

      Hey there,

      I'm glad your parents are ok with it. I feel like mine would be but until I am ok myself I think I will keep it to myself otherwise I'll just get upset. I definitely need to not let it get the better of me, self defense could be a good way to help with the emotions

      If you trust him then go for it. Better to know their views earlier rather than later. Good luck!

      So far since my diagnosis it hasn't left my mind once. I can't concentrate on work or anything other than not getting upset again. But hey I guess this stage will pass! Thanks smile

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