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Friends left me having panic attack in foreign country

Posted , 10 users are following.

kerry52519
kerry52519

Hi

Im am new to this group. This is my first post.

I got back from a hen do in spain yesterday morning and i have not been able stop thinking about what happened.

I started having panic attacks at 5am on sunday morning. I couldnt stop crying all day and panic attacks would happen about every hour. There were 6 other girls and we were walking to a restaurant and i had to cross the road and sit on a bench as i started panicking. I told them id catch up. I then got a text to say they had ordered dinner. I didnt get asked if i was ok or how long id be.

I feel so angry and like im not their true friend. Their excuse was they didnt know what to do as when they asked if i was ok before i didnt answer in more than 1 word. I explained i could hardly breath let alone talk. I dont know how to deal with this. I havnt moved off my sofa. I have 2 children to care for (1 in school. 1 18 month old)

Can i forgive my friends?

1 like, 27 replies

27 Replies

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  • g.90572
    g.90572 kerry52519

    Posted

    Did you text back after the text saying they had ordered dinner. They were taking their cues from you it seems or so they say. Good friends are hard to come by.
    • kerry52519
      kerry52519 g.90572

      Posted

      I just said id meet them back at hotel in that case. When they came back they acted like nothing was wrong. Until i broke down again. I just feel they are blaming me for being unsociable even though theres nothing i could have done about it. They were awear how i was feeling as i told them in the morning so its not like i just sat on my own for no reason
  • lee12629
    lee12629 kerry52519

    Posted

    Hi kerry. Friends,are they? I had a so called best friend for 30 years. Ive had some health problems and anxiety. First time I had a herniated disc,barely a call,no offers to help take me to docs etc. I took her in for a breast biopsy etc. Fast forward, I now have another substantial health problem,no call for ten days finally a text,didnt even ask how i was,she was blue caus it was raining out. Anyway,ive decided she isnt a true friend. If they arent there in times of trouble,you might want to rethink the friendship. Think thats where the term fair weather friend comes in. Sorry they didnt help you,especially when you werent even in your home country. I understand the anxiety attacks,glad you joined the forum. Xx
    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 lee12629

      Posted

      Yes , i know about Fair Weather Friend or as i call it Fake Friend , early last year my so called friend had a complaint made against her where she worked ( someone young complained that Debbie belittled her ) so i was there for her - accompanied her to a app at her work place , job interviews , etc despite my health being bad , when my health took a bad turn last July she was never there for me - not even a visit to the hospital , not a text asking how i was , she wanted me to go out for my birthday with her - she took it the wrong way when i declined as i had family doing their annual visit to UK ( my brother and sister in law who had been there for me via cards , texts , etc ) so wanted to spend my Bday with my family , she told me that she never visited the hospital because of her mum ( her mum was there 2009 but didn't die there ) but now fake friend is working at the hospital !! i started having doubts last Summer when she ignored my health problems , i can count on 2 hands when i was there for her - at least 6 fingers , her for me - one hand - 1 finger ) then she had to rehome one of her cats as it wasn't getting on with her 2 old ones - she asked for my help , all i did was advise even though she wanted me to take it ( i wouldn't because my cat was , is used to be the only cat ) , then she asked for my help again ( these are both this year ) but because i didn't jump up and rush to her aid she dropped me from facebook and blocked me , basically was a slap in the face for all that i did for her last year , i saw her at local carboot that she sells at and i help my dad i just ignored her and carried on having a good laugh with the friends there who were there for me last Summer , i felt a sense of relief when she dropped me as a friend as i couldn't keep on having her belittle me - when i not replied to a text from her she would accuse me of snubbing her but when i sent her a text and she didn't reply i didn't get all funny with her , good riddance to bad rubbish !! i hope you will get over your fake friend and find ones who are there for you and you for them but in equal measures xx
  • XxaimxX
    XxaimxX kerry52519

    Posted

    Some friends just really aren't bothered! Having panic attacks makes you realise who your true friends are, I know who would stay with me and who wouldn't be bothered. Just hope they don't go through it because it's not something that just comes and goes it leaves behind a memory of it happening and if you had to get through all that alone you'll be feeling even worse, if your friends had sat with you got some water helped you to calm down then you would have probably felt better and tried to go with them. Try to explain how it makes you feel to be so scared and no one tries to help you, tell them what it feels like and that you can't just switch it off. They may need educating on panic and anxiety to fully understand you. I feel for you you've gone through something that could have been totally different. If I had a friend going through that I wouldn't leave them x
  • kerry52519
    kerry52519

    Posted

    Thank you guys. Ive tried to explain to them thats it completely debilitating but they are just making me feel i shouldnt have acted that way then would have acted different. Im supposed to be her maid of honour in August and the way im feeling right now i couldnt care less about her and making sure she is happy and not stressed
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 kerry52519

      Posted

      Sometimes it takes an occurrance like this to truely open your eyes. These are "fun" friends basically. Accept that. Once of them walked off selfishly and with little to no compassion it gave the others, also selfish and unable to relate or care too, an out to follow. Probably this has always been their true characters but you believed it was deeper. And im going to guess in that group of lovelies you are the go to,person when one of them had problems or issues. Sometimes it is our own flaws for not seeing people as they are butnhow we made outselfves believe theynwould be. Even if they couldnt relate at all you were all in soain and you were sitting there alone even a moron could figuremout something wasnt right. So dont resent them. They were just acting in their true characters. Either you accept they are "fun" friends and nithing more or walk away. No matter what yiu say or explain their actions screamed so loud its self explanatory.   Sad but true. 
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67

      Posted

      Sorry about the typos. Odds are in time at least one of them will call tomsee if your uoset. Thats if u stopped interacting with them. You cane explain whatnhappened in spain and how you felt. Not sure if an im sorry or if didnt know will suffice but thats what youll get. You Will be known as over sensitive or she didnt tell us how are we supposemto know and whats anxiety we all get anxiety and dont act like that..they will excuse their own behaviors. Thats what people do. And because no one want to take accountability thats how it will play out. But now you know for sure who theynare and you can rely on them so it will ruin your feelings for all of them. How could it not. Honestly a dog knows when a person is sad or uncomfortable how in the world could the six of them behave so callous. Anxiety disorder do ruin friendships and many cant relate so thats now something you have to own. i have changed friends over the years except two. I Had two real friends out of all of them. You learn fast who is geniune. Most of the anxietynattack you get no ine can see. My daughter once told me you sit there looking so weird it was strange. I realized its invicible like the scans and xrays show. Its invisible to see. You would have to explain it out loud and then risk people thinking your crazy. Lol meanwhile one of every five people have experienced this and one of every twenty five have an anxiety disorder. Im so sorry for your experience. Its a good life lesson, but a terrible way to have to learn it. If You do not want to be in her wedding part dont be. 
  • carole28488
    carole28488 kerry52519

    Posted

    Kerry:   I live in the United States and I had a terrible experience with panic attacks, too.  I took my two grown daughters to New York City for a two day trip.  We walk around so much that I began to feel very weird.  There is just no place to sit down in New York, so as my panic attack got worse and worse, we went into a large hotel in the middle of Times Square.  There was a restaurant in there and one sit left at a large part of people eating dinner.  I was so upset and tired and still in the middle of the panic attack that I sat with them...Do you know that not one of them even noticed me.   I could have been having a heart attack and landed in the middle of a steak dinner.  People just don't understand panic attacks and how they are the next thing to "hell" that I can think of.  I have such ill feelings toward those people in New York. My poor daughters didn't know what to do, so they went and had dinner and I was left with strangers...You can't talk or even breath in the middle of one of these things...I'm so sorry for your bad experience, too, sweetie...I hope you will try to forgive them, but if they do it again, I would suggest you get new friends...hugs.
    • kerry52519
      kerry52519 carole28488

      Posted

      Thank you Carole. Im still very upset and angry right now so im am going to wait for them to contact me and go from there. I just wish i could make them understand i wasnt myself and being sociable was not in my capability . Thats all i want them to realise xx
    • carole28488
      carole28488 kerry52519

      Posted

      I understand, sweetie, and you are very welcome.  Maybe you could suggest that they read some of these posts.  I don't think that I would understand panic attacks or depression if I didn't have them myself.  Just do what you think is better for you because sometime with friends like that you don't need enemies...hugs.
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 kerry52519

      Posted

      sounds like you feel terrible and guilty for not feeling well. Recognize what you just said. You are basically going to apologize to them now!?
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