Frozen

Posted , 8 users are following.

I feel unable to move.

Unable to care for oneself.

In order to take a shower I have spent 2 hours convincing myself that I HAVE TO.

Hunger strikes about this time..but I have no motivitation to cook anything.

Everything I do..takes great effort, brings me to tears and seems like too much work.

People think I am fine...I am taking my mother to an appointment tommorow...when I text her and tell her I will see her at 12 I sound upbeat and OK.

I really don't want to take her...I don't want to do ANYTHING.  This is no way to live.

Fear of the future is a huge burden that I can not shake.

I just wanted to vent cause i know there are others out there that feel the same way.

Guess what? You are NOT alone.

4 likes, 32 replies

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  • Posted

    I identify with what you have said so much, Misssy.  Wouldn't it be nice to just stay in bed?  It's such a struggle at times.  I am so ashamed of myself, ashamed of what I have become. 

    For some reason it DOES help to know someone feels the same.

    Thank you Misssy.

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    • Posted

      I agree..that it helps to have others understand.

      I'm usually the one trying to help others.

      They say you can't help others if you don't help yourself.  Really?  I have helped others throughout many years of internal struggle.

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Missy,

    yes you and I are not alone. We are in this horrible silent club.

    A few months ago I was bed ridden.

    I am glad u have a mother who relies on you to force you out of the house to help her.

     

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    • Posted

      The silent club...I'm sick of being silent about it...sick of people (in my family) not having the compassion to "accept" it rather to blame it on various things/choices I have made.

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  • Posted

    Try to not put so much pressure on yourselves. So what if you want to stay in bed, so what if you don't want to go out.

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  • Posted

    wow misssy! if i didn't know better, i could swear i wrote that letter in my head. so similar. we are TRULY not alone. it takes you 2 hours to convince yourself to take a shower...it takes me 2 days! the effort i put in the "thinking", is no where near the effort it takes to take that shower. and i feel like i can't to anything. cant cook really. but i am not starving, i'm so overweight. does suffering have calories? it must! and everyone thinks i'm doing good because i'm bringing my dad to all his appointments, and the grocery store. but inside, i am exhausted. i'm exhausted "acting" like i'm okay, because my family will not tolorate the truth of my illness. they've always been ashamed of me and my depression. which they don't even understand. they think i'm lazy, and i begin to hate myself. why is everything so complicated? that right there makes me feel weak and hopeless. and my future...? i don't know what's to come. it's not like i avoid it, but i've learned that thinking about it and the unknowns upset me so much. just for some sanity i try not to think about it. often. yeah, life is a struggle. i'm seeing my dentist today...it's taking me hours to get ready! but we gotta do what we gotta do. hang in there girl! i'm trying too.

    yours, laura   >^..^<

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    • Posted

      laura...I think I identify with you the most...but then again...look at jaquelines reply below....?

      Seems she doesn't even want to type that much....

      I did manage to cook myself breakfast and get some things so I don't have to go out later on.

      I'm supposed to call or I feel like I should call my therapist to explain a situation to her...but I'm not going to.

      Yea, I didn't take a shower for the last 2 days..which is WHY I wanted to take one today..it just took me so long to get there.

       

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  • Posted

    No motivation to do anything,I'm the same way.

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    • Posted

      i'm sorry you are the same.

      This is the most horrible feeling.

      And then feeling guilty on top of it that I could have a very debilitating illness..and I really don't....at least not a terminal one at this point.

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  • Posted

    It is terrible my daughter lives with me I couldn't make it without her she helps me do everything I feel like everything is such a chore even washing my hair taking a shower.I don't sleep that much always tired morning are awful.

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  • Posted

    Omg  this is me to a tee too.  I sit here for hours every morning trying to get my fat ass moving.  It's only having things I have to do which gets me out.  Having said that I usually feel better once I have forced myself out.  Every day though is a massive struggle.  Wish I had some answers.  x

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