Frozen
Posted , 8 users are following.
I feel unable to move.
Unable to care for oneself.
In order to take a shower I have spent 2 hours convincing myself that I HAVE TO.
Hunger strikes about this time..but I have no motivitation to cook anything.
Everything I do..takes great effort, brings me to tears and seems like too much work.
People think I am fine...I am taking my mother to an appointment tommorow...when I text her and tell her I will see her at 12 I sound upbeat and OK.
I really don't want to take her...I don't want to do ANYTHING. This is no way to live.
Fear of the future is a huge burden that I can not shake.
I just wanted to vent cause i know there are others out there that feel the same way.
Guess what? You are NOT alone.
4 likes, 32 replies
patricia44773 Misssy2
Posted
I identify with what you have said so much, Misssy. Wouldn't it be nice to just stay in bed? It's such a struggle at times. I am so ashamed of myself, ashamed of what I have become.
For some reason it DOES help to know someone feels the same.
Thank you Misssy.
Misssy2 patricia44773
Posted
I agree..that it helps to have others understand.
I'm usually the one trying to help others.
They say you can't help others if you don't help yourself. Really? I have helped others throughout many years of internal struggle.
anon85986 Misssy2
Posted
yes you and I are not alone. We are in this horrible silent club.
A few months ago I was bed ridden.
I am glad u have a mother who relies on you to force you out of the house to help her.
Misssy2 anon85986
Posted
The silent club...I'm sick of being silent about it...sick of people (in my family) not having the compassion to "accept" it rather to blame it on various things/choices I have made.
alan56015 Misssy2
Posted
Try to not put so much pressure on yourselves. So what if you want to stay in bed, so what if you don't want to go out.
Misssy2 alan56015
Posted
And to un motivated to move to do anything once I get away from the bed.
laura08496 Misssy2
Posted
wow misssy! if i didn't know better, i could swear i wrote that letter in my head. so similar. we are TRULY not alone. it takes you 2 hours to convince yourself to take a shower...it takes me 2 days! the effort i put in the "thinking", is no where near the effort it takes to take that shower. and i feel like i can't to anything. cant cook really. but i am not starving, i'm so overweight. does suffering have calories? it must! and everyone thinks i'm doing good because i'm bringing my dad to all his appointments, and the grocery store. but inside, i am exhausted. i'm exhausted "acting" like i'm okay, because my family will not tolorate the truth of my illness. they've always been ashamed of me and my depression. which they don't even understand. they think i'm lazy, and i begin to hate myself. why is everything so complicated? that right there makes me feel weak and hopeless. and my future...? i don't know what's to come. it's not like i avoid it, but i've learned that thinking about it and the unknowns upset me so much. just for some sanity i try not to think about it. often. yeah, life is a struggle. i'm seeing my dentist today...it's taking me hours to get ready! but we gotta do what we gotta do. hang in there girl! i'm trying too.
yours, laura >^..^<
Misssy2 laura08496
Posted
laura...I think I identify with you the most...but then again...look at jaquelines reply below....?
Seems she doesn't even want to type that much....
I did manage to cook myself breakfast and get some things so I don't have to go out later on.
I'm supposed to call or I feel like I should call my therapist to explain a situation to her...but I'm not going to.
Yea, I didn't take a shower for the last 2 days..which is WHY I wanted to take one today..it just took me so long to get there.
Misssy2 laura08496
Posted
jacqueline48380 Misssy2
Posted
No motivation to do anything,I'm the same way.
Misssy2 jacqueline48380
Posted
i'm sorry you are the same.
This is the most horrible feeling.
And then feeling guilty on top of it that I could have a very debilitating illness..and I really don't....at least not a terminal one at this point.
jacqueline48380 Misssy2
Posted
It is terrible my daughter lives with me I couldn't make it without her she helps me do everything I feel like everything is such a chore even washing my hair taking a shower.I don't sleep that much always tired morning are awful.
Misssy2 jacqueline48380
Posted
I have to print out something.
Thank you for responding.
jacqueline48380 Misssy2
Posted
hypercat Misssy2
Posted
Omg this is me to a tee too. I sit here for hours every morning trying to get my fat ass moving. It's only having things I have to do which gets me out. Having said that I usually feel better once I have forced myself out. Every day though is a massive struggle. Wish I had some answers. x
patricia44773 hypercat
Posted
That's exactly me, hypercat, I also feel so much better when I have forced myself to do anything, but the struggle to force myself is so hard.
Misssy2 hypercat
Posted
I just ate the WORST grinder (I made it)...talk about sodium overload.
And that is depressing me...everything depresses me....
patricia44773 Misssy2
Posted
Misssy2 patricia44773
Posted
LOL..I'm from the US.
Are you from the UK?
lets see...I put all kinds of deli meat in a bun with cheese and lettuce and onion and salad dressing and toast.....
jacqueline48380 Misssy2
Posted
Misssy2 jacqueline48380
Posted
patricia44773 Misssy2
Posted
Yes, I'm from the north of England. Your grinder sounds yummy, I'm vegetarian though, so it would have to be meat substitutes, but sounds great.
Misssy2 patricia44773
Posted
I use peppers, onions, zucchini, mushrooms and broccolli and CHEESE.
yummy too...
patricia44773 Misssy2
Posted
Yes, I am a "lacto-vegetarian" - meaning I eat dairy products. I love cheese and your veggie sandwich sounds wonderful.
Misssy2 patricia44773
Posted
Of course you love cheese! It is one of the only proteins you are getting since you don't eat meat.
patricia44773 Misssy2
Posted
The meat substitutes these days are wonderful and they have plenty of protein, so I don't go short.
Misssy2 patricia44773
Posted
Another part of this depression is trying to figure out what to eat during the day...if I'm going to make it...or buy it....too many decisions...sometimes I want to buy the protein drinks to skip a meal...but I never get around to looking at them.
When I'm in the store I want IN and OUT as quick as possible. And always fear getting snappy with innocent people around me...since I hate the market so much.
hypercat patricia44773
Posted
Isn't it? the worse one was always forcing myself to go to work but nfornately I don't havet o work now coz I am 62. I always found that if I got overloaded wih pressure I would have to force myself too hard and end up crying and stressed and that happened a lot at work. x