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Genital Herpes.

Posted , 6 users are following.

sumfatguy
sumfatguy

I was diagnosed about 6 years ago so I'm not new too it, I know what to do when I have an outbreak, I know the signs. But in all the 6 years I've had it I haven't told a single person, not online, or friends or family. This is the first time I've spoke about it. And tbf if you're new to this it probably isn't the post you wanna be reading, this post is about me.

Like i said I haven't told anyone, and obviously you'll be reading this after reading a ton of other posts saying there's a massive stigma around this and and it shouldn't be there or whatever. I haven't had a gf or partner or lover or whatever in about 6 years. I was watching iZombie earlier and there was a bit on it which perfectly describes my position, I have something that I can't tell anyone about, that unless you have it yourself you can't understand and there is literally nothing I can do about it. I haven't got it in me to risk passing it on, and I flat out darent talk about it, I don't want my friends or family to know, I don't know how they'd take it, they'd probably be ok to my face and behind my back ruin me. Aha,there isn't a day go by that I don't contemplate suicide, because in my opinion the only other option is life alone. And I dunno if I'd be ok with that, well, it's been 6 years and I'm not ok with it. And I csnt talk to anyone about it. Except people who (no offence) don't really matter. It's easy for people who haven't got it to say it's gonna be alright, it doesn't change you. And for the most part it hasn't changed me, I block it out when I'm at work, I find things to distract myself from it but at the end of the day when I get in bed it's still there, I'm still alone, and I know tomorrow isn't going to change anything. It has changed my approach to people though. Like I said I haven't been with anyone since I was diagnosed. Which has sucked. I reckon I'd probably be classed as a virgin again aha. It's the worst when I actually meet people I do like though. I've made it so incredibly hard to get through my defenses, I somehow always find ways to push people away from me. But sometimes it doesn't work. And I'm faced with the question, do I just tell them and risk rejection? Or do I be a dick purposely and make them hate me. It's always the latter. And probably always will be.

Sorry for anyone going through this, and especially sorry for people new to this. I'm dealing with it, every day, it hasn't got easier and other than this post I've dealt with it completely alone all this time, aha and it's probably not as bad as I make it out to be, I'm just not one for rejection. I'd rather be alone than not wanted.

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • natasha98653
    natasha98653 sumfatguy

    Posted

    Hiya I know exactly how u feel my ex gave it me a little over 2 years now, he didn't admit he had it and still blames me for it but I was clean before him.

    I understand it knocks ur confidence but speak to ur doc or sum one at gum clinic bout ur worries it's not 100% that everyone u sleep with will get it, I've slept with ppl since getting it and they've neva court it, I am now single tho and due to have my first baby in couple weeks time, speak to ur family they can offer emotional support, I wud avoid telling friends as u neva know how long there'll be friends for

    But docs or sum one at gum clinic will be able to put ur mind at rest, just DON'T Google anything Google makes ur worries worse as it's more than half the time wrong use NHS websites if any

  • cellardoor
    cellardoor sumfatguy

    Posted

    Hi, i'm sorry to hear you haven't been able to (don't want to) share this with someone you know. Which type of herpes do you have? I don't know why I decided to respond to your thread. I got genital type 1 for almost a month now. I have literally made myself not to make a big deal out of it (because if I did, it would tear me apart, i know myself). I haven't let it change my life. I'm a huge fan of casual sex and i still do things I did before, I just watch out so I don't have any sexual relations even if it's just a bump that's obviously an ingrown hair-- i don't want to make someone ill, just like someone else made me ill.

    I know it's a touchy topic, whether to tell a person or not. Well, if you're asking yourself that question it obviously means you care. Whch means you wouldn't do stuff with a person if you're aware you're having an outbreak at that moment.

    I personally, haven't had a recurrent outbreak yet (knocking on wood), and since ghsv1 is a bit different, I decided not to say stuff to people at all.

    The problem is kinda arising now, when i started seeing a few people, still just for sex but it's less casual then it was. I've no idea what to do now, but i guess im still gonna go with the flow and see and do what feels right

    Sh*t happens. herpes happens

    Life sucks

    but we only have one. So I say, try harder. For yourself 

    No one likes being rejected. Hell, i know why i can't do normal relationships, for exactly this reason-- i fear being rejected. But not because of herpes lol but because of my personality haha 

    oh well. good luck

    • sumfatguy
      sumfatguy cellardoor

      Posted

      It's type 2. The girl who gave it me was kind enough to tell me the morning after, I don't know what I'd prefer, knowing she gave it me knowingly and knowing that people like that are willing to do that or not knowing at all.

      The worst part of it all is I've got quite alot of friends and we're all growing up now, they're all moving on with their lives and in relationships and having kids and all that and I'm just here. And I can't explain to them truthfully that it's not as easy as going out and falling in love and getting on with life. Sooner or later I'm gonna lose all my mates because they see it as a sort of way of refusing to grow up and being adult about life. And I've just gotta lie to everyone and tell them I'm happy being on my own.

  • true07289
    true07289 sumfatguy

    Posted

    I completely understand . I went through the same thing. But people grow up, and understand stds are a part of life. I told my new partner, and he completely understands. He just wants me to be comfortable. We have satifying sex because we are honest with each orther, so we can take better protective actions
  • rockin_R
    rockin_R sumfatguy

    Posted

    I was just thinking if I hadn't stopped my life in its tracks when I was diagnosed I wouldn't have babies I wouldn't have grandbabies I wouldn't have had the wonderful marriages that I have had. My second husband knew nothing of it and we were together 7 years I never would be sexual with him when I have an outbreak which was fine it worked out okay. He never got it or I would have heard about it trust me my third husband already had a wife that had it so he understood and he never got it. Trust me I would know about that too we made love every single night for 7 years. Don't stop your life because of this disease it's just a hurdle and emotional hurdle for UIC..

    How many outbreaks do you think you have had in the last 6 years

    • sumfatguy
      sumfatguy rockin_R

      Posted

      I have about 1 a year, so I'm really lucky, and it happens pretty much exactly the same time every year, aha I can almost plan it out! It just sometimes worries me, because before I got this I was perfectly fine, I'm not actually even that fat, it's just my screen name, but after all this I can't just get over it ya know, and I probably am over reacting and I read everyone else's experiences with it and it does give me atleast abit of hope, so thanks smile but I still dunno sometimes.
  • mikarose
    mikarose sumfatguy

    Posted

    Hah I also thought the same when watching iZombie!! I swear the writers have herpes - the medications valtrex is even somewhat randomly referenced in that show.

    I commend you for not wanting to give it to anyone. I strongly believe you shouldn't have casual sex once you have herpes 1 or 2 as its just not fair on the other person.

    That being said. You can still have relationships and you still deserve a relationship (one that involves sex!).

    I have bad days and good days with it too but I still believe I deserve the life I want.

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