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Getting back with depressed ex

Posted , 3 users are following.

ysabella71129
ysabella71129

I posted on here awhile ago but thought I'd update whats going on. My boyfriend of almost 9 years broke down to me about a month ago that he is depressed and lost in life. He is 27 and says he doesn't know how long he has had it but that he can't go on any longer like this. He asked for space and time.

He started becoming very distant. 2 weeks after he told me he had depression he broke up with me. He said he can't take care of someone else right now and needs to focus on himself. As much as I asked if I could help or stay and fix things he told me he needed to do this for himself and that we would see where we stand in the future.

2 weeks post breakup (Saturday) I went to talk with him because he told me he missed me and that he didn't know if he made the right decision. We both decided to try and figure things out together. We talked for awhile and realized we both somewhat lost ourselves in the relationship and need time alone to work on our personal selves and grow individually to be able to come back together as a couple.

We were living together but I moved back in with my parents. We decided to see eachother once or twice a week but to stay most time separated for now. I asked him to get help and he doesn't seem willing. He says he needs to figure this out himself. He says he hopes that we can fix things and find a solution that works and that space and time is the best for us.

What can I do during this time to help him out? I am trying to give him the space and time he needs but it is hard on me since I am used to spending almost every waking hour with him for the last 9 years. I am willing to fight for what we have because love makes you do crazy things. I want to text him and know what he is doing but don't want to push too hard either. 

Any advice? He says I am the only person he has told. I think he's embarrased. I have told him that I would go to therapy with him. I encouraged that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Everytime I bring it up he either doesn't respond or walks away.. I feel like I am overstepping his boundaries at this point and need to avoid talking about therapy right now. Just need some guidance on how I can help him. I care deeply for him and want to find a way to help in anyway possible.

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • ysabella71129
    ysabella71129

    Posted

    One thing to add. He tells me he can't quite explain hoiw he's feeling. That he wish he could explain it but he can't. That everything is in his head and it takes over his mind. That some days he doesn't want to get out of bed and other days he wants to leave without telling anyone where he is going and never come back.

    It's so heartbreaking to see someone I love go through this. I wish I understood better. I just want to be there for him but he is pushing me away. He said this is the most honest he has ever been with me and he can't lie to me about what is going on anymore. I just want to bring him back to the person I fell in love with. He told me he's lost and just needs to figure out a way back.

  • georgia63172
    georgia63172 ysabella71129

    Posted

    My ex was depressed and the only thing that helped him was anti depressants. One time in the beginning of the relationship he forgot his medication and I saw it for the first time. He cried got angry that he was upsetting me and it put a strain on our relationship. I couldn't take it for the second time so he is one lucky man to have a strong woman to be there and Want to help. Try and get him to try different things to help medication should be as a last resort. I hope it works out for you

  • borderriever
    borderriever ysabella71129

    Posted

    You need to be very firm but kind.

    You need to turn Him to talk to His GP and hopefully some CBT will be able to reach the root cause of His problem.

    Sad to say you have been going out together for many years and what can happen the relationship can fail as married relationships would be at a different stage to the one you have here. It may be the monotomy of the relationship may be getting to him and it may be that problem He is suffering could be He feels the relationship has run its course.

    The situation I am in is we have been together 40 years, the relationship changes and we both have a relationship is more really close friends with additional feeling of deep companionship and love that developed over a long extended period.

    You need to take him to your GP and possibly Marriage Guidence as He may wish to go and is unable to tell you.

    No-one can advise here, he needs help and He may balk at that and eventually go.

    You need to find out his intentions it is no good having you standing around waiting for what to happen ??

    BOB

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