Getting worse every minute don't know what to do

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi guys i posted a couple days ago and you guys were awesome to reply to me so thankyou for that. These past couple days since then have been hell.(excuse the language). Usually when i have a breakdown before I go to sleep I wake up and the day is bearable enough to get through without crying. This wasn't the case for this week, I've cried every night and every morning and afternoon. My boyfriend will take me to all these places bc he thinks I just need to get out more and get my mind off, but I am so out of it. I'm so trapped inside my head I don't know how to get out of it and actually feel again. I'm such a waste of life. It's actually worse if I don't think about it because then I'll go through motions and talk to people then get home and feel like I wasnt even there and not even remember what happened. People say I have derealization but I'm not entirely sure what that is. I don't know what to do anymore im better off not even living. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated I just need help im so out of it im missing life

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  • Posted

    Hi Jesse,

    I can't remember if you are the one who doesn't want to be on meds. But it sounds like you need a trip to the doctor.

    You have a lot to live for; boyfriend, family, job..

    This is a great step coming here but please go to the dr, exercise...

    I find that i run for 50 min a day i feel better, a lot better

    and diet

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  • Posted

    Hi Jesse

    I've felt like you're describing before and it is a kind of grief. I know that sense of unreality you're feeling and the feeling that not only does no one understand you but you are not even connected to your friends and family at all. It's like being on a different plane and it is very frightening.

    It is possible to come out of it - I am proof of that but you need to ask for help from a doctor. I also hated going to the doctor but this is too much for you on your own and too much for your boyfriend/family. Call the doctor now and get to see them and tell them the darkest parts of how you're feeling. You may need short term medication to get you to shift out of where you are.

    If you need to cry, cry - it's a release and try to accept where you are without resisting. This will pass but stay in contact with your doctor every step of the way. Gemma xxxx

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  • Posted

    I know its really bad for you right now, I've been right there where you are now and I'm not sure whether its derealisation either, I suspect probably not, for me my brain function was affected really badly and I still get confusion now and it still affects my spelling and problem solving and memory but it is getting better and it will for you too.

    At my worst I couldn't function at all, I couldn't even think of simple things like how to physically getting dressed, everything was impossible for me to work out and if I went somewhere I could hardly remember going and I had absolutely no concept of time, I didn't know if I'd done it that day, the day before or even the week before.

    It really is terrible and I do understand believe me.

    I have had all the blood tests and an MRI scan and nothing has been found to be wrong with me but depression and anxiety, you will get better I am your living proof of that, I am taking 15mg daily of escitalopram and have been for a month, before that 10mg for three months, oh and coconut oil and cod liver oil which is great brain food, its a long recovery but recover you will, let us know how you are getting on I will help if I can anytime night or day.

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  • Posted

    depression is a very lonely and isolated thing my lovely it doesnt matter how many people are there for you, you still feel alone I have been there and I know it is scary and so horrid it feels like hell excuse my word. you have a supportive b/f which is good its hard supporting someone with depression but they are guardian angels. they have to be mind readers as we keep everything contained within the mind thats part of the illness. YOU can get through this my love with the right help it used to be seen as a stigma but now it is well recognised and accepted more. when we are going through depression the serotonin (the feel good cells in our brain) are low and some people are predisposed to this im one of them but with medication it helps to rebuild the serotonin cells into the feel good factor again. the best one that suits me is citalopram but there are others on the market. I also see a CBT councillor now and she has really helped me this time. I have a good manager and colleges (we are a small unit) who have been brilliant and my daughter has been brilliant. I believe this has helped this time as over the years I have kept it to my self. dont suffer my love there is no need to put your self under pressure no one can tell you what to do and we are not proffessionals but it must be worth thinking about. yes for many years i have missed out on life and this time i was determined to kick my butt and start enjoying life. its ok me saying this as i have come out of the worst of it but i know what its like when that black cloud follows you every where life is too precious my love so  grab it by the horns tell the mind enough is enough and YOU are going to get through this and YOU can this has been a fantastic forum full of genuine people who understand because they will have gone through the same or simular and are always there to support, as i say i am out of the worst i still have "blip" days but i am at the point i am strong enough to tell it to do one. I know it will come back maybe in a couple of years but with my councillor she has helped me change my thought process. You dont have to be on meds forever I can go two or three years  without any and i pray that whenever you get through this you wont go through it again.I stay on this forum because if i can support someone I will. I hope you find the help you need and the peace, Im sure you will with the support of you b/f he sounds an angel take care my love 

     

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