Gf has depression, feel like I can do nothing right

Posted , 7 users are following.

I have been dating this girl for about 3 and a half months, everything was amazing, perfect relationship, then all of a sudden her depression hit and she became a whole different person. I got her on anti-depressants which she has been on for about 3 weeks now but she won't see a therapist. I have given her time and space and I text her every few days to show I care and have her back but I have needs also. I recently called her to ask what is up with us and all she could say is I don't know. I feel like all her love is gone. She use to talk about our future. Then she said she has been mad at me for a while now and that I need to figure it out. I mentioned one time that this is hard on me too, and she mentioned that I said that and she said she knows. I told her I can't read her mind so I don't know what made her mad and the only way I can fix it is if she tells me. I'm not sure what to do. I just want to get back to normal. We use to text and talk all day, and it is really hard not hearing from her at all for days. I am trying to be supportive and caring, which I thought I was. Does the loving, caring, talkative girl come back? Any help will be greatly appreciated.

0 likes, 8 replies

Report / Delete

8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hmm there a lot of "I" in that passage, which suggests your looking for advice on yourself, and not how to help your girlfriend. It sounds as if the relationship has become an inconvenience to you, that's ok if that's the case, being with someone with depression isn't easy. Be honest with yourself, if you cant handle it, then get out and get out quickly. If you do want to help, then it can't be about you and how it effects you. Your girlfriend is ill and needs help and support - it has to be on her terms. Your comment "I got her on anti depressants" is worrying, and is probably why she won't see a therapist, I suspect she feels you are controlling her and things already probably feel out of control. Simple first step, ask her what she wants you to do to help, if anything. If you can handle it and really mean it, then help her and stop thinking about how it affects you or how you can force her to do what you think is right

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Scott - sorry about your situation. Expecting you to "figure out" why she has been mad at you for a while is unreasonable. As you so rightly point out you cannot read her mind and you cannot address any 'mistake' if you don't know what it was. You also state she won't talk to her therapist. Is she still taking the meds? They will take 3-8 weeks to be fully effective - even then, the dosage may need tweaking, or perhaps they will need changing as depression and meds is not a one-size-fits-all scenario. Unfortunately, if she is not willing to co-operate with the professionals then there's not much that can be done. The situation will continue until she gets tired of it and does something else.  Whatever has caused her present state may fester if not addressed. Meanwhile, all you can do is to continue being available to her. If things don't change, you will get to the stage where you can longer linger waiting and life will move on. You need to take care of yourself too. 

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thanks for the reply Wayne, I think she is still on her meds, but I rarely see her anymore so I don't know for sure. I have been taking care of myself too, just feel very anxious with the sudden change of heart she seems to have. I have my own insecurities coming into play here too. I like to feel loved and all that, and with it suddenly going away, it has been a pretty big shock. 

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi again Scott - totally understandable that you would be feeling fragile after an intimate other has apparently jettisoned your relationship. You've done what you can for her, that's all you can do, try not to feel bad. 

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hey Scott, i'm sorry you're going through this but this is very common with those suffering from depression to treat their partners like this. I've been in a short relationship with my ex as well before his personality and behaviour took a 180. Reading up stories on this website and posting  my own stories helped me greatly! (https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/depressionfalloutmessageboard/general-discussion-f1/ ) I struggled a lot at first but I can see myself getting better now! 

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Scott, sorry to hear that. You said that everything was perfect then all of a sudden she became depressed? What do you mean by that? It is very strange for depression to just 'hit'. Do you have any idea as to what might have triggered it? The fact that she was loving and, I assume by what you said, happy, and suddenly everything changed doesn't seem quite right. Depression normally creeps up on someone before it 'takes over'.

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up