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For the last year and a half or so I've been on a downward hill slide. My gf has been dealing with post natal depression for nearly 2 years and I thought I was helping but I don't think I helped much beyond running myself into the ground trying to do as much as I could with our child, around house and all the practical stuff. Beginning of 2014 I found myself out of work and have been struggling to get back into work all year. GF left her studies because of me and got a job almost straight away. So now I feel even more useless and have had the horrible experience over the last few months especially seeing her heading up the slide I'm going down leaving me behind, in my head almost waving as she goes by.
Being a typical man I didn't talk, hid what I could, brushed off when she asked and without noticing pushed her away. While I'm to blame for most of it she has pushed me away too. I swear I have never hated an inanimate object as much as I hate her phone for example. WhatsApp groups, Facebook, games. Christmas and new year are always tough for me as I live away from my family so homesickness is an issue. This Christmas it got to much and I had a melt down. I just didn't want to leave the house. I explained it away as just being homesick so she took our son up to her mums for Christmas and I spent it on the kitchen floor. New years Eve was worse but this time I was about to just let it all out and she said to me "i have my own problems" that shocked me into shutting down. I felt more alone in that moment than I ever have. Again she took our son up to her mums and I saw in the bells on Youtube in the poisonous bile that is video comment sections.
I ramble a bit btw but getting to the point...
After new year I closed in even more. As soon as our son was in bed I'd hide away on some stupid computer game talking to the only friends I have left talking...People I've never even met and tbh not really even friends beyond games. Monday night she comes home from a late shift and she wants to chat. She explains that a few wks ago she realised that she just doesn't love me anymore and we should be friends as that's what we've been like for long enough. I just couldn't speak. I had no response. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't. I think she was thinking quick and clean break up. I see it as shock and awe.
For my problems, I am facing it and seeking professional help via gp. What I'm on here for is to ask one question that I can't wait for the gp for...and they probably wouldn't have an answer too.
With what has gone on and how things have played out is it to late for me to tell her everything? Should I risk hurting her or dragging her back down or just keep quiet and deal with it? Keeping quiet put me were I am but what is to be achieved breaking the silence now. I'm so confused and conflicted.
For anyone who has given me the time to read this far I really appreciate it and thank you
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