Glad I found this site

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I'm 45 and pretty sure I've been going through per I since I turned 40, I tried talking to other woman about how I was feeling but since none seemed to be going through the same things it just made me feel bad. I suffer from anxiety and some depression and was put on prozac the last 2 months, it's only helping a bit. Me doctor put me off work for a few months as I was missing work a lot and was scared I was going to get fired (I never used to miss work at all). I've been a single mom for many years, my children are in their late teens now, this is suppose to be my time of freedom and more fun and I don't really want to leave the house. We can't help each other directly but it's nice to just know we are not alone in the way we feel...and we are not crazy.

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  • Posted

    Hello Samantha, one goid thing is that at least your children are grown up and more independent. Also they can understand you if you let them know what you are going through. Myself and some ladies here have younger children and it is not easy.

    This is a great group with lots to share and support. I hope ypu will find it helpful in days to come. Good luck with peri...

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    • Posted

      Yes, I have a 15 year old daughter and she told me that she is getting depressed because I do not feel good all the time. I only statred abou 2 years ago, on and off. I am 50. It just breaks my heart.
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    • Posted

      The are boys so they don't quite understand it but I do explain it to them as I feel men should be told all about it. I was telling one of my friends thank god I don't have small kids I wouldn't make it. My sons and I are very close so I feel bad when they ask me to go somewhere and I'm not up to it. Constant guilt as a mom, I get it.

      Thank you for replying, just reading other posts on here makes me feel better.

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    • Posted

      Hi Samantha, Im 18 months into menopause and what a nightmare its been, particularly the anxiety, palpitations and panic attacks. Im 48.5 so last period at 47. I had signs for a year before, anxiety, palps, hot flushes, joint pains, pins n needles in hands, bloated stomach, indigestion, acid reflux. Still got that as well as the anxiety! Hot flushes have mainly passed tho im having night sweats again. So basically, the meno can hit women with a sledgehammer, or they can breeze through it, or something in between. I understand what you mean about feeling like youre not being a good Mum, but this is out of your control and something that others need to try to understand and be helpful about, we can only do our best when feeling rubbish! Im on antidepressants for the anxiety (not depressed fortunately), betablockers for the palpitations and low dose hrt patch, 25mg, not sure if its helping or not. I tried without meds, with herbal supplements,but it escalated over Xmas and I knew i needed help. Im also having CBT which has helped. 2 yrs ago life was fine, id never been on ADs, never had high BP/ heartrate, no anxiety problem, no palps. I had been looking forward to meno, being a menstrual migraine sufferer for 20 years! Little did i know that meno would be so much worse! Like you said, we need to talk about it, break the ridiculous taboo, and support each other. X
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    • Posted

      Thanks for replying Julie, I am in Canada so you will have to forgive is some of our words or phrases differ from yours.

      I'm more just disappointed as I thought my 40's would be more freedom for me but along came peri and changed those plans. I've tried dating and only being in a good mood one week a month doesn't work, the poor men.

      I am trying to stay away from any other meds, the AD was only because I was feeling desperate. I'm trying to stick with a healthy diet and lots of yoga.

      We will make it, I'll just have to wait until my 50's for my time.

      Thank you very much for your personal story. It makes us all feel better to know we are not alone in the way we are feeling.

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    • Posted

      I'm sure you've read lots of advice on here on what to take, herbal or prescribed, to help your symptoms. I have tried lots and still take some that help, like passonflower for anxiety and mild stress. It helps me sleep too, I take it in the evening.

      But the one that helped me most that was suggested by someone here, was Bachs flower  - rescue remedy. I used the chewing gum first last year to attend a family wedding. Now I have the drops and the pastilles to suck. It helps when you have to leave your home when you don't want to, or facing a stressful situation.

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    • Posted

      It s good to have a close relationship with your sons. Perhaps they don't understand now but one day they will know what you have gone through once they have a girls friend /wife. Thanks to you.

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    • Posted

      You're welcome, sorry it was detailed but just to illustrate how unwell it can make people feel. I understand exactly what you mean about you feeling it should be your time. Im also single and would love to find my partner in crime but think who'd want me like this? Hey one good thing is we get to this stage in our life, know what we want and are independent enough to be choosy. And we dont put up with BS lol. Ive read that within a couple of years hormones could have settled. Each womans different, but we can hope! X

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    • Posted

      No problem I appreciated the details, most woman hide all the details or don't know they are going through it but the people around them certainly see it and are afraid. Exactly we are very independent, I think that's why we find it a bit hard to feel weak at times.

      I certainly hope its only a couple more years smile

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    • Posted

      Thank you Maisie, I will certainly look into Bach's flower, my anxiety is weird I don't know always what set it off but I can certainly try it for something I know may stress me out.

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    • Posted

      Youre right! Its hard to go from confident and productive to an anxious wreck who struggles to leave the house. Personally I think it takes a lot of strength to get through this. As theres clearly no quick fix, Im adapting my life to reduce anxiety triggers, including a change of work after 24 yrs as a teacher. I need minimal stress and am less anxious when doing creative /manual stuff, so Im doing painting, decorating, tiling, maybe cleaning too. Its stuff Ive always done for myself and friends/family. And my old boss is a piece of work so no better time to work for myself! So maybe there are some positives to come out of this! :-)
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    • Posted

      Hi Julie,

      I had a really hard time to accept being put on AD and didn't tell my dad I took time off work until about 4 weeks in and haven't told everyone, to me it felt like weakness, I always take care of things. I need this rest away from as much stress as possible. I have about 8 more weeks off of work, starting next week I'm going to look for another job rather than go back to my current one. My current job involves sales quotas and it really is stressful so now is the time for change as stress just makes peri a lot harder, we have to do what makes us happier.

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    • Posted

      Hi Julie, I am in peri. I am 47. I have an energetic 8years old daughter. Full of live&fun but hard work. Many times I said I can't go, I can't do, I am not well. I feel very upset that I cannot enjoy life with her. We do minumum as a family comparing to many healthy families.

      Symptoms ; oh well where shall I start!. There isn't a day I am not in pain. I don't rake any medication. I have been trying some pills for meno but since I have had pain in my abdomen I stopped all the herbal med and vitamins; B,D, calcium, selebium, omega. With so.much going on in my abdomen; pain, palpitations GP thought I was having abdominal aortic aneurysm. I ended up in A&E. But that goodness aorta us OK. But they have been useless to diagnose me. Blood test Ok. CT scan ok. But I am not and I am.in pain. Missed period for a month. But I have the symptoms of period; ovaries sore. As if there is an angry tiger inside ne scratchIng and ripping my ovaries off.

      I do have anxiety, don't want to get out of the house, don't want to talk to anyone.

      I have back pain when I get tired. GP thinks that's gastritis and gave me pills to the for 28days... etc etc... Sorry to go on. There are more... but that's enough. You probably regret asking...All the best.

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    • Posted

      Never apologize for venting, that's why we are all here. I'm sorry I was complaining before you are right it could be worse I am very lucky my sons are older as I really don't think I could handle them being small now. I know it makes us feel like boring mothers and it's disappointing as we are in our 40s and should still full of energy, your daughter will understand in time...it's all we can do is keep going and hope the systems calm down soon.

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    • Posted

      Yeh my dad wasnt helpful...i was a complete wreck with terrible side effects of sertraline and he was hounding me with questions about work, money, what about your pension etc lol, absolutely no idea! Yes if you can earn enough money in a less stressful way it'll be well worth it. My doctor only signed me off for a month, then ive had to go to the jobcentre/interviews on diazepam (valium!), i think some docs dont have a clue how bad Antidepressants make you feel till they start to work for you! I couldve done with 4 mths off! Even now i have bad days with anxiety and PAs. Today my sister popped over, then i went to see a friend who needs help tiling, then to get a prescription....i took a diazepam first thing to make sure i didnt have bad anxiety like yesterday just so i could do normal things! Ive had to almost beg my doc for diazepam, i realise theyre addictive but there are times when i need that extra help to calm the nerves. Ive had lots of testing on my stomach, went to ER with weird nerve sensations and dizziness and full panic attack, had brain mri, bloodtests, several ECGs and heart monitor, nothings shown up abnormal, just that im in meno lol.

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    • Posted

      Not at all, sorry to hear youre having an awful time of it snd its affecting family life. i too have stomach issues for last 2 yrs, not pain but bloating, lots of gas then indigestion discomfort higher up under ribs and in chest, its pretty much all the time. All tests came back normal but its anything but normal! Have you had a pelvic scan to check for fibroids, endometriosis or cysts on the ovaries?
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    • Posted

      Hi Julie, isn't it awful. I had a scan while back. There is a fibroid in uterus which has grown to 45mm. I also have very small systs. DRs are very dismissive of the symptoms is this size fibroid. I had one 10cm in size removed tears ago. So I know what it is like. But they don't care.I feel I have no medical support from NHS!

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    • Posted

      Hi Julie, yes dad's just make us worry more. Here we are allowed a max of 15 weeks sick leave, I just basically went in and asked the doc for the full amount and he agreed, I can't sit still much because of the anxiety and AD so I'm doing stuff I don't normally have time to do ,like painting rooms, gardening and cleaning constantly. I haven't slept for 3 nights because it's my period week and that seems to happen for the last 6 months. The anxiety is the worst part of this, I went to Costco thd other day and due to the amount of people there half way through the store my brain went all scrambled and I couldn't think. The brain fog I find is embarrassing as all of a sudden I'll forget things and if someone is talking to me I don't actually take in what they are saying to me, I feel pretty stupid lately, my brain is so slow, but yet 500 things are going through it at a time. All we can do is laugh at ourselves.

      It's very hot and sunny today so I can't tell if I'm having constant hot flashes or if it's the sun.

      Have a great day!!!

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