Going home will help my depression but i can't leave.

Posted , 8 users are following.

I'm originally from the Isle of Man but I live in England because I met my boyfriend and we had a child. He's from England and he didn't want to live in the Isle of Man so we live here. I've been here for 2 years and i have made no real relationships despite my effort. I have fibro myalgia so i'm in alot of pain all the time, along with chronic fatigue, i work nights then get up with my son in the morning, i am tired all the time and it takes its toll really badly. i never stop my boyfriend from going out when the opportunity comes up because he works hard and deserves it, he didn't come out for my birthday because his friend had a christmas party that night, i couldn't go to my best friends birthday that was in a city i went to uni in because he had a works due even though i had planned it months ago and he found out about his night out three days before hand, i couldn't go out for his mums hen party because his brother forgot to get a babysitter for his stepdads bachelor party. i rarely go out because i dont have any friends to go out with and when the opportunity arrises i usually cant go. i tell him its ok if he stays out late just to let me know thats what hes doing. For the first time ever, in three years we've been together i wanted him home early because i had a panic attack, i rang him to see if he knew when he was coming home because if it was soonish i wasn't going to ask him to come home i could have waited and he started shouting at me saying he deserves a night out because he works hard all week, and started accusing me of checking up on him and that he wasn't going to cheat. i have never accused him of cheating, or even thought that he might have. this is what i come back to. i go to the isle of man and though i may still have the odd panic attack and still tired i'm happy and i have loads of friends and im always busy so  i stay out of my head but as soon as i return to england i'm lonely again, and im stuck in the house or at work with no social life. i don't know what to do because he is a good man and a good father but he has not long gotten his dream job here and doesn't want to move but i'm so depressed. i've seen three different councillors and been on anti-depressents since not long after my son was born and i dont know what to do. someone please help me.

1 like, 14 replies

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Thats bad, if you dont have kids leave him now and do what you want.   If youve got kids now your in deep trouble in a place you dont want.
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    • Posted

      You need go get a gang of girls onto him to make him realize he needs to give you your time,  instead of running off partying without you.
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  • Posted

    He's not a good man, leave him. Don't blame your CFS/depression/ fibromyalgia for your unhappiness in this case, a controlling partner is hell - I've been there.  Your child will be better off with two happy parents living apart than in a toxic relationship. 
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    • Posted

      the problem is that i cant leave, not because he's controlling and i apologise for making him appear to be, but because he seems to be in denial about how lonely and depressed i am living in england or hes in denial about it because he doesnt want to have move to the isle of man, and if he accepted how unhappy i was he knows thats what hed have to do. he doesn't control me, i dont have friends here because i just cant seem to interact with people very well and it makes my depression worse because i have social anxiety so i keep thinking everyone hates me or im annoying, and he tries to comfort me about it telling me im great and everything but i struggle to believe because if it was true id have friends and when it comes to going out he seems to forget how much trouble im having.
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  • Posted

    Firstly being a full time mother is hard work so you deserve to go out as well! About 2 years ago myself, husband and 3 children had to move away from my home town, I had to leave my friends and family so I understand how you feel. The only person we lived close to was my evil mother in law, (we hate each other with a passion) I still talk to my friends now and again but its not the same 😐 the last time me or my husband went out was when my eldest son was 8 months old (he is now 13 years old!) you need to have time to yourself, tell your partner if you don't go out he doesn't go out! You NEED to put your foot down, you work hard too (looking after a child is hard work) where do you live? I'm in Northampton UK, is there any mother and baby groups near you? That's a great way of meeting new people. If you ever want to talk you can message me anytime, take care,

    Kate

    X

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    • Posted

      thanks very much, i'm in carlisle and i've had a look online and there is a mother and baby group so i'll give that a go thanks, i appreciate the advice and help thank you. It helps quite a lot knowing someone else can understand and empathise. 
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  • Posted

    Hi Becx,

    You have my deepest compassion for your situation and as others have said your relationship seems at the root of your problem. A solution that occurs to me is to go see your GP and tell him your not coping, then ask your parents if you can come home for a while to recouperate. Tell your partner that You need help and that you appreciate he has work and you don't want to burden him. This way you can get away and be with those close to you who can help you sort things out. You sound like a lovely lady and I know us men can be selfish and forget our partners have lives as well. Stay strong, head up and remember at the end of the day it is your life and you are entitled to live everyday happy

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    • Posted

      Thanks for the advice, i'll go see my GP and see what they say and go see my family for a while, it always cheers me up and my little boy loves seeing my side of the family aswell. I have a deep conversation i think and see if i can get him to realise that i need his help, at least for a while anyway. thanks very much. =)
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  • Posted

    I am not surprised you're depressed! You're under so much pressure! It sounds as though you're doing all the compromising. You need support from somewhere. Relationships - with the added pressure of a baby- are very difficult. I am so sorry for you. 
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  • Posted

    Go to your GP. There must be support groups for new mothers. Seek help from a health visitor, etc. Life gets better as they get older.
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    • Posted

      Thanks i will do, but i'm not actually a new mother anymore my sons 2 now, i had really bad depression not long after i had him and it got better for a good while but lately i just feel stuck so it's getting bad again, but i'll see if there's still any support groups i can join thanks
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  • Posted

    Hi I agree that you seem to be doing all the compromising and your partner is being very selfish.  I can't believe he missed your birthday party to at

              ds

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  • Posted

    Sorry computer misbehaving!   Does he want to have responsibilites with a partner and child or does he want the single life as well?  You both need to go out as a couple a lot more and this will help you make friends.

    You work just as hard as him so you deserve to go out as well surely?  Tell him to shape up or ship out!  x

     

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  • Posted

    But 2 is still very young (and hard work). I have a friend who's son is 11 and the health visitor still visits for her depression!
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