1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

Going it alone

Posted , 6 users are following.

Blackhole
Blackhole

today I have come to conclusion that I must do this alone, I am putting people under extra strain, I must be bring them down as well. i had a few friends that have been distance, I don't know if they are busy as they said or is it me they want to get away from.  My mind is stupid, I don't know what to think. My name should change from Failure (which I am) to stupid. If I drunk it would easier, I wish I did but just don't like the taste. Now I know why people turn to drink, I had no idea why they did it, but have an understanding now. You would do anything to block out the feelings.

1 like, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • nick34171
    nick34171 Blackhole

    Posted

    Hi just to start with indeed i think you should change your name, not to stupid although yes i want to give you a little shake if i'm honest, you are obviously going through alot but titling yourself with such a harmful non positive namesake will not help you. Please don't label yourself like that, you're on here aren't you? Thats a first step, i've never been great at making or keeping friends but i'll say this try asking again, a lunch date, coffee, a walk. Does your dr know about your depression? If not i suggest you book an appointment to see him, do you know why you became depressed? Your drs your first point of call, believe me. And you are very right in not drinking, it doesn't do anything to help, you can't block out feelings forever and you are alive so you will feel, book an appointment with your gp, you can do it, i believe in you. Nick.
    • Blackhole
      Blackhole nick34171

      Posted

      I an on antidepressants, been on since November last year, last week they were put up. I have had a couple of ok days. I have a lot going on, my mum has a terminal illness, and looking after my dad who has a knee op this week. I work full time and hate it. My nephew need open heart surgery. It's just out of control, my mum became ill 7 years ago, going from fit to wheelchair bound, not able to hold her head up and problems with swallowing. The illness expentcy is 7 to 9 years, now I'm panicking as it 7 years and keep thing that it maybe soon. I'm going to a councillor, just waiting for a phone call back, this is through the hospice my mum goes to.
    • nick34171
      nick34171 Blackhole

      Posted

      Sorry i am on and off, cooking and another apology! I sent you a previous message with a link, yes i know what your mother has, as i looked it up, i'm glad that you got to speak with somebody, well done you, it's hard to admit that you need help, but you are in NO WAY a failure, NOT AT ALL. You have a heart of gold. You do need an afternoon to yourself, i think you said you had carers in maybe one morning yes? Is there any chance you could meet up with people who attend the hospice so if you so want to you could organise an outing with them, just wondering if having that in common might help you? It doesn't work for some as they want a total 'break' from the issues that are causing depression, if thats how you feel you should try your friends again. And just to make it clear what you do, looking after your folks like that, is admirable.
    • nick34171
      nick34171

      Posted

      Morning to yourself*

       

  • Desperate_now
    Desperate_now Blackhole

    Posted

    Hi I can relate to everything you say, because I say exactly the same things about myself, I'm hopeless, stupid can't do anything right. I must admit I've not said so in so many words on this site. However Nick is right you are not a failure you are not stupid, you just want love, support, someone to talk to about your feeling and not to judge you or tell you what to do.. Yes ask friends to meet for a coffee.it is hard if they do not reciprocate but going it alone is even tougher.

    i am here to talk to we are in the same boat, I don't know if you are on medication but I am and I have also been referred to mental health services I have to see psychiatrist on Friday.after being treated by one GP for 4 years and my new GP for 2 years. Must say though new GP  has been really proactive and tried CBT and different medication and really got to know me. 

    Keep in touch. Xx

    • Blackhole
      Blackhole Desperate_now

      Posted

      I could say so many things hateful things about me, that's just a few. I hate myself, I should be able to cope and be a better person. I should be able to cope at work but I'm not. I'm useless, a failure and stupid, just a few. I'm being completely honest how I'm feeling, whats the point of not putting the truth down. The hard thing I have found is not knowing what I'm thinking is right or it my mind.
    • Sarah812
      Sarah812 Blackhole

      Posted

      Also you are doing what I do a lot, which to say "I should do this" or "they should not do that"----it just ends up making you angry and resentful. However, if you feel "shoulding" then do it this way: You have depression and therefore you SHOULD not be be able to cope. And why should you be a better person? Says who? It's fine to be honest with what you feel, but the fact is what you FEEL is not always a FACT.

       

    • hypercat
      hypercat Blackhole

      Posted

      It's Supermans day off Failure.   You are not superman/superwoman any more than any of us are.   What the hell gives you the right to be so hard on yourself?   Would you treat a friend like you are treating yourself?   Be your own best friend and stop expecting yourself to be able to take the world on your shoulders - like I said only superman/woman can do that!   If you don't behave I will send some kryponite after you!  x 
    • Sarah812
      Sarah812 hypercat

      Posted

      LOL

      Reminds me of the story of Martin Luther (the guy who started the Protestant church)..he was so depressed that one day his wife put on black clothes as if she was going to a funeral. When he asked her why, she said "You are so depressed, I figured God must have died!"

      P.S. he also is said to have thrown his jar of black writing ink at the wall where he saw a demon standing...

      just a fact, use it as you wish )

  • julie74890
    julie74890 Blackhole

    Posted

    Hi failure don't be so hard on your self when you need to talk this is what this forum is for so you can speak and you won't be judge you are not alone I have suffered with depression and panic attacks for many years .
  • Sarah812
    Sarah812 Blackhole

    Posted

    Hello Dear, I have to say that your name Failure alone makes me cringe, and if you change your name to Stupid I will come over to where you are and hug you. You are neither a failure nor stupid. By calling yourself this you are making yourself feel much worse. Calling people/ourselves names (i.e. Labelling) is something I often do to myself as well, and it is something we both need to stop. It not only doesn't help, it actually HURTS. So I try to rename myself Human With Issues Like Everybody Else. It's long but much more accurate, don't you think?
  • Desperate_now
    Desperate_now Blackhole

    Posted

    Hi how are you feeling today. Yesterday was tough but today is a new day, hopefully a new start. Try to be positive your family love you and so do we. Message me if you need to. Xxx
  • rachel1970
    rachel1970 Blackhole

    Posted

    You are not doing this alone as we are all in the same boat if only yo can imagine we are standing next to you giving you positive energy and support,your friends are probably busy like mine are ,it would be good if you did change your name how about hope,I dont like the taste of alcohol either I dont want to waste my money personally, you can talk to me hope .
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.