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Going mad!

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rebecca31721
rebecca31721

first time posting, I've suffered from depression on & off for a long, I someti feel as though I'm going mad! I recognise so many of the feelings that everyone speaks about. I've been back on citalopram 20mg for around 4 weeks and im exerting there slowly, sometimes my own thoughts terrify me and I think I'm a monster and that there's som wrong with me (other than depression) over the years I've convinced myself of so many things that could be wrong with me, physical as well as mental! Does anyone else do this or is it just me? I hate this so much, I shou be happy and excited planning my wedding for next year but I don't really feel anything apart from flat & empty 😔

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  • amberstar33
    amberstar33 rebecca31721

    Posted

    I just don't think I am good at anything, I dknt think I am a good person and question if I actually like anything. It is a frustrating place and mindset to be in :-( 

    Try not to out pressure on yourself to act in a certain way. I'm sure excitement for you wedding will come. Just take a day at a time. 

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  • celtics
    celtics rebecca31721

    Posted

    Hi rebecca welcome to this group  i hope you can get the answers you want ! Rebecca citalopram is a  very popular anti depressant which can take up to 6 to 8 weeks  to fully work but if you feel it isnt helping you or is causing you problems please go back to your doctor and tell him ! Rebecca has your doctor  suggested cbt or any.other form of therapy ! Its amazing how many people suffer from depression so your not alone ! Please take care  david xx
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    • rebecca31721
      rebecca31721 celtics

      Posted

      Thank you David for taking the time to reply 😌

      ive suffered depression sine I was around 17 (I'm 38 now) but was only diagnosed in 2001 nearly a year after my son was born. I had quite a few years depression free but I've had it for every year at the same time for the past 3 or 4, it's a terrible thing to go through and I know I'm not alone in it but it never seems tI get any easier 😞

      Dr has suggested cut before but I refused it & last year he put me on ad and told me to stay on them right through this year to try and prevent the same thing happening again this year but I supid decided in the summer I was fine and didn't need them!! How wrong could I be!!

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    • celtics
      celtics rebecca31721

      Posted

      Rebecca please go by what your doctor advises that way you should get better sooner ! Its not a good idea to chop and change your meds ! Im not going to preach to you but ive been there and used to not listen to the doctor ! But i do now  and im starting.to feel much better  ! Take care and i wish you all the best david 

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    • celtics
      celtics rebecca31721

      Posted

      No problem please dont.think im trying to tell you what to do but i would like to think i can help someone and thats the only.reason i do this ! Youve got your wedding to look forward to next year that might help you to remain positive ! I wish you well david
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    • anne240
      anne240 rebecca31721

      Posted

      Hello, I have had depression for many, many years.  It takes away so much from us.  We are not mad, we just suffer from an awful illness called depression.  And no, it does not get any easier.

      I have hated myself even though I knew I was a good person.  I lost all self esteem and confidence. 

      Give the anti depressants time, and if you really feel they are not helping, then perhaps it is the wrong medication for you.  I have been on many, some right for me, and some wrong.  Medication can have strange side effects.  Yes it is a terrible thing to go through, this illness that robs us of so much. 

      Keep in touch with us here, and hope it helps.  You are not alone in how you feel, and we understand as been through it ourselves.

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    • rebecca31721
      rebecca31721 anne240

      Posted

      Hi Anne, thanks for your reply 😊

      ive had a good day today and hope that this is it starting to lift. I'm the same with hating myself even though I know I'm a good person, but it's hard to see thing properly when you feel very low. I've managed to convince myself of all manner of physical illness as well and mental issues! I can't even watch the news when I feel this way, if I hear a story about a bad person I worry that I'm the same as them! I don't even know if that makes sense to anyone? Xxx

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