Going through heartbreak.. I need help

I dated this girl for a year and four months. She broke up with me because she didn’t feel like she was mentally stable for a relationship and I try my best to respect it and give her space... but I can’t help but think “maybe if I send her this I’ll get her back” she still claims she loves me.... and wants me... I just feel she won’t get help... she says she doesn’t know what she wants. She doesn’t know if she’s falling out of love but yet she still loves and wants me. I know she’s been dealing with depression and even some suicidal thoughts. I’ve talked to her mom about antidepressants and therapy but my ex doesn’t want therapy and I don’t even know what’s going on with antidepressants... last night she came over to grab her things and to give me back mine. And she stayed over an hour and we were both crying, hugging each other, holding each other’s hands and just talking... even kissed one more time... she still doesn’t want me back but I understand her wanting to focus on herself... but the other thing too is that.. she tells me I’m her future. Not her present... meaning she’s probably doing to date other people, but yet she still wants me and loves me... I know before she dated me she had a bad habit of cereal dating (dating lots and different people for a short period amount of time) and even cheating.. it was how she coped with being depressed back then and now that her depression is back I think that’s just what she’s thinking about. I’m telling her not to do it... not just cause I don’t want her to but because I remember how much she regretted it. I don’t know.. I try telling myself it’s not my fault and that I’m not some rebound. But I’m just so hurt. She’s afraid if she’s dragging me along with her depression which is another reason why she broke up. I tell her that she brings me so much more joy than pain but she won’t listen... I just want her back so badly but I also want her to get better.. I’m dealing with the worst heart break. I’m losing sleep. I can’t eat anything without throwing up from stress or I have no appetite. I can’t stop crying. She said that we can’t talk to each other for a week so we can cool off but I’m having the hardest time not texting her. I’m truthfully on the edge of thinking of self harm but yet I know I shouldn’t do it... I just want something to take away this pain.. nothing seems to be making me happy.. when she saw me I did feel a sense of comfort. A comfort that their will be an “us” in the future but... when I started thinking of her wanting to date other people for the “adventure” I started feeling hurt again... like I might have to wait in line just to see if it’s my turn with her or... once she’s done with the “adventure” she’ll go back to me.. then what... she’ll get bored of me and want an “adventure” again...? again I know it’s her bad habit kicking at her when she’s in this state... me and her friends are telling her not to do it because it’s exactly the same as an alcoholic drinking a beer. I think if she gets better and gets help she’ll go back to me... if she still loves me that is... but she tells me that I’m the first person she’s ever loved in a long time.. and I believe it. I’ve seen how she was in other relationships... I just need to know how I can cope with this pain... I have no motivation for anything.. anything I vent about never seems enough... nothing really makes me happy.. yes I’m taking antidepressants but this is just hitting me really hard... please help..I can’t just let this amazing person in my life go but.. I also need to if I want them to get better and have a future with them...

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