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Saw my GP yesterday and explained that I've not gotten any better over the last 12 weeks and am losing any hope, the longer it goes on the more anxiety and distress I'm feeling about not making progress so he's referred me back to mental health team at my request and to see a psychiatric nurse about medication, was mention if mood stabalisers (usually used to treat bipolar disorder), now that's frightening for me.
One of my gripes is that I've not received a definitive or definite diagnosis of my condition and nobody has said on what "scale" I am depressed, if I go on the online deoression scales (Goldberg) I show as severly depressed.
I've got into a cycle of obsessive thinking about something which is like a washing machine in my head from the moment I wake till the moment I go to sleep, my illness is a complete pre occupation and no matter what I do it never switches off.
I have tasks to do during the day including going shopping, going into town (often walking there), going to church on Sunday, making tea and helping with housework all to try and occupy myself but I can't do that for 12 hours a day, I've even stopped drinking alcohol for 12 weeks!
With the westher bring miserable also it's crap to go out, if it was summer no doubt it wouldn't help but sitting in the garden would at least be nicer.
Ive got my music and band which I've kept ip even doing gigs (turned down a gig with a couple of M-People members last week for New Year's Eve as it was London and I prefer to see new year in at home).
im rambling now, but can anyone reassure me (again if you already have so thanks), that despite the constant hitting brick wall with thinking I will get better from this constant sinking feeling Im battling with in the pit of my stomach, the anxiety and if diagnosed depression. I feel I'm in a lonely hole slipping down the muddy sides further down and grasping at anything to stop me sinking further. Crying doesn't help me much now.
Ill let you know how I get on but guess it's gonna be another initial referral and if the offer me CBT one more time I'll cry! Ive done it and it's no good for me, you get 1 hr a week when you need 1 hr a day.
When those MP canvassers come round it's going to be my first and only question "Mental Health what's the plan", and no BS!
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