Got myself worked up....going back to work

Posted , 4 users are following.

I've got mymyself into abit of a state today because I'm due back at work. Had abit of time off due to lack of childcare but can't bring myself to go to work.

I love my job, I've been doing it 7 yrs but since going back after maternity leave over a yr ago I feel I've lost my confidence in my ability to do my job. The pressure of getting my work done correctly & by the end of the day (I'm part time so have to finish by 5:30). I'm making silly costly mistakes all the time too. I feel guilty & pathetic to keep phoning my boss & saying I can't face work.

My partner believes I should quit, stack shelves in assupermarket & we'll move to a smaller house or rent.....like that is helping & probably won't help me feel better.

Someone has suggested delayed post natal depression which I'm not sure is even possible but does sound feasible.

Hoping to see my gp today to have a chat & get thissorted.

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello

    I can totally relate to what you are saying.

    I had my little one 2 years ago and returned to work last January whilst we were going through a restructure. I applied for a job and luckily got it but a majority of the people I worked with for over 10 years took the option of redundancy.

    Not sure if it's a result of that or something else but I stared suffering really bad anxiety/panic attacks to the point where I was off work for 6 months.

    I've been back since November but have yet to do a full week and recently have had 2 weeks off or constantly want to work from home.

    Like you I use to love my job but now waking up and knowing I need to go there really depresses me. People have told me to leave it and find another job but it's not that easy. Plus maybe it's selfish on my behalf but I don't want to walk away from my job with nothing - I'm hoping we go through another restructure and I apply for redundancy.

    I just wish I could be back to normal again and get on with my working and personal life with out any issues.

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    • Posted

      I went back last january too but it wasn't until Sept last year that I was given more & more work. Don't get me wrong its not hard work I know what I'm doing I just constantly worry I'm going to do something wrong & get told off or not finish the work & someone else has to pick it up when I'm not there.

      Funnily enough my problems started in the sept/oct time.

      They thought my heart was the problem but I spoke to thr cardiologist secretary yesterday who said my heart is healthy. Not even sure why it started nothing eventful happened to trigger it. The first time I had 5 what I guess were panic/anxiety attacks in one morning at work. I wasn't stressed at all

      I also never get a break from my daughter except when I'm working. It sounds horrible but sometimes I just need a day off. My partner has a hobby so goes off for a day once a week or fortnight & when he's with us I'm always there. He never spends a whoke day with her & can't understand why I lose my temper with her sometimes. I feel awful for saying it I feel like a terrible mum.

      Just hoping the dr can help.

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    • Posted

      Me too - I always get someone to check the work before I send it to the actual person even though I've been doing this role for a couple of years - my self confidence has really taken a knock.

      Also like you I feel so guilty when I'm off sick and there has been many occasions when I've accessed my emails on sick leave and responded - not that ive got much gratitude for it.

      I was diagnosed with tachycardia in dec 2011 but more recently they think ive got asthma which I'm more scared about.

      I think that has played a huge part in my time off sick and my anxiety/panic attacks.

      My son goes to a nursery and some friends and family made horrible remarks when I took him there whilst being off sick - i just felt I had to considering the frame of mind I was in.

      We all need some me time - children are hard work! X

      I'm sure every parent feels like a terrible one at times - I know I do. There has been occasions when I've raised my voice, tapped his hand etc

      At the end though I just feel more guilty.

      Tell your GP how you feel - mine has been really supportive this last year.

      Good luck x

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    • Posted

      Just waiting to see gp now. Managed to calm myself down now just hoping I can get it sorted today so I can get back to work next week. They've already threatened me with disciplinary action which won't help matters.

      People don't understand when you're feelingrubbish you ddon't want your little one seeing you like that.

      And if one more person says don't worry or you have nothing to worry about I might lose it completely. I don't want to worry I can't stop it.

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    • Posted

      Even though it's hard tell your GP exactly how you are feeling and tell them everything.

      I got to the point where I just wanted everything off my chest and it felt better.

      How can your work discipline you?

      It's not as if you can help being unwell - having a mental illness is something I wouldn't want to wish on anyone.

      Tell your doctor and maybe having a sick certificate would help. I have one which states may be fit to work but this can vary on a day to day basis.

      At first my manager wasn't supportive but after HR, Union and an external company got involved she seems a little more supportive - it could be an act but it's a little easier.

      Having your son or daughter pick up on how you're feeling is difficult but remember no matter what they love you regardless.

      People tell me it's all in my head and I want to punch them! Fair enough it might be but its not nice.

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    • Posted

      I have the same thing been of work 2 months go to go back cant face but Iam thinking o f taking volantary redundancy I work nights makes me ill cant do it no more anxiety it's horrible no one understands
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    • Posted

      Referred for counselling. Probably stems from having my daughter. Anxiety depression & stress all rolled up into one nasty ball! Lots of little changes...new job, get a life (literally, escape the child now & again lol)

      Can't get hold of my boss so might email her.

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    • Posted

      You are not a terrible mum! You sound to me like a very normal mum. All parents get fed up with looking after their kids from time to time and when you are anxious it becomes even more difficult. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means you are a normal imperfect human being. Couldn't your partner spend a bit less time on his 'hobby' and look after your kid a bit more. Who knows, he might even enjoy it!
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  • Posted

    So my partner has come home & although some things he says ring true he just says it like he's having a go. He works all the hrs god sends & still has our little girl 3 afternoons while I'm at work. I get that he needs his hobby to get away from it all. I've joined the gym, to get fit & lose weight so I'm hoping that can be my getaway. Though I feel guilty leaving him to do bedtime routine & not seeing her before bed.

    He still thinks work is the problem but I think its only part of it. He asked me if I regret having our daughter.....I just don't think some people get it.

    My boss also told me I was bringing on my issues with work myself. Not sure I'm going to get much help there.

    If only people could understand why I feel rubbish even though ut sounds pathetic to them.

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