Had enough

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I'm 25 years old, I have been suffering with depression since about 17 years old. IT took me years to speak about it, and still now I'm struggling, I don't see any point in anything, I don't get any happiness or joy out of anything. I have a 2 year old son who I'm not allowed to see, mainly because of my depression and the way it makes me act, feel, think. I just want an easy way out I don't want to hurt anybody anymore I just want it all to end. I've been on vital open for a year which are not making a difference, I've pushed ever person that meant anything to me away. I hate myself and hate my life.

Callum

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Callum.

    I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling like this nobody should have to feel this way.

    What meds are you on at the moment? 

    I think it's important you remember that althought you may not get to see your son at the moment he is vital in this, if you can pull yourself through this which believe me you an and will once you're feeling better there is no reason why you cannot gain access to your son once you are on the straight and narrow and this is a perfect reason to pull yourself out of this!!

    Unfortunately there is no easy way out of this of course it's a fight but people like me who you will speak to on hear have all felt this way at one time or the other and have beaten this feeling or on the road to beating it. 

    Also I think you need to think of you was to harm yourself in anyway how this would effect your son in the future, you may feel nobody will care of you are hear or not (common feeling) but they will more than you know!!

    Please do not feel alone, you are never alone and that is why forums like this exsist! Nothing is impossible although right now it feels it is. You CAN and WILL beat this.

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    • Posted

      Hi Rosie

      I'm on 40mg of citalopram at the minute.

      I know what it will do to my son but like I feel now.... He will be better without me, he's my son and I love him so much but I just feel like I am worthless, I've tried talking to people, some don't seem interested or understand and some think I'm going through a phase, which im not.

      I'm struggling with day to day things, every time I speak to my doctor they just up my doseage and don't really help me.

      I feel a lost cause and nothing aswell to be helping me to think or feel any different or better

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    • Posted

      Sorry Callum I just saw this.

      You need to demand to your doctor that meds is not enough, you need somebody to talk to and sort all this through with.

      It's hard talking to people who haven't been through what is guys have, I found this at the beginning of my journey they will never know how it feels therefore don't know how to help. But us here in this forum we know and we've been there and we so care and are here to listen and to help you.

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    • Posted

      You are not a list cause. You need to talk to a counselor - someone trained to understand and listen. Please do not do anything that will traumatize your son for the rest of his life. 
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  • Posted

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. Have you talked to a therapist? I have issues that I had a hard time talking about for a very long time and I recently talked myself into going to therapy and I am so glad that I did. Please try it for yourself and see. It could make a world of difference for you.
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  • Posted

    Make a appointment with your GP, he will give u a different drug that will work, do not give up they is a cure out there.
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    • Posted

      If you give up you have let this defeat you and it has won. Your better than letting an illness determine your future. 

      You don't have to go on feeling like this, please let us know what meds and other treatment you are having at the moment?

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    • Posted

      I'm on 40mg citalopram at the moment Rosie. I just don't know anymore,

      I feel it has already defeated me a long time ago. I tried to get through it but I just can't 

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    • Posted

      With this illness you have to keep getting up no matter how many times it knocks you down and eventually the light will come! That's a promise.

      I do think you should ask the doctor for some more help in the therapy sense you we have someone to listen to you who is fully trained and will teach you rational ways of thinking.

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    • Posted

      Callum please recognise it's not you talkin it's the illness- be strong for your little man!! How long have you been on 40mg? They can take a couple of months to settle.
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  • Posted

    Callum your post is heart-breaking. With so many taking citalopram you are sure to get some replies to go to your doctor and let him see how you are feeling. I can't see how you get so depressed with a tiny boy of two years. For his sake I suggest you go to see a doctor without delay and get yourself sorted out so you can be a dad. Remember he needs you. Do go to a doctor as soon as you can. You made a lovely little kiddie who must be missing you terribly. I leave it to others now to add their suggestions. You will find many friends on here and it is good to talk about it all. You will see you not alone with your illness and sharing is a good start to being helped. Best wishes.
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