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I have struggled all my life with relationships and always pushed people away because for some reason i get an unbearable sickening anxiety attack. Until now it hasnt really affected me but now i have met such an amazing man and have been in a happy relationship for more than a year until it hit me like a ton of bricks one afternoon. I went completely downhill and couldnt eat, sleep, think properly. I had a bad stomach and kept having to run to the toilet and i would throw up, wouldnt stop shaking, crying and my heart was beating so hard and so fast. I would be scared when i was with my boyfiend and i would be scared when i wasnt it was hell. I tried breaking up with him because i was questioning all my feelings for him and naturally he was hurt and upset but i felr like breaking up would solve everything. Any other time this feeling came over me it was easy because i could run from it but now it was affecting a major part of my life and damaging a relationship with someone i love. when i would speak to him and try to explain my feelings they just didnt make sense, at first he was upset and hurt but when we realised it was anxiety it made much more sense. one forum which really helped me to read is 'Anxiety and Love' it made me feel like i wasnt alone. My partner has read up on anxiety and he knows that it's just irrational thinking, he is able to support me so much now because he understands it isnt me and it's the anxiety. As time has gone on this feeling of wanting to 'run away' from him has died down but i still feel very low and depressed with nasty anxious thoughts. My doctor has prescribed me propranolol 1 x3times a day and now it has been increased to 3 x 3times a day. this has taken away a lot of my physical symptoms but im just waiting for my councelling which begins next month. i dont want anti depressants because im only 19 but it seems like my only option if the councelling doesnt work :-(
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