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Has anyone else felt like this or heard of a similar situation??

Posted , 4 users are following.

charlottem
charlottem

I have struggled all my life with relationships and always pushed people away because for some reason i get an unbearable sickening anxiety attack. Until now it hasnt really affected me but now i have met such an amazing man and have been in a happy relationship for more than a year until it hit me like a ton of bricks one afternoon. I went completely downhill and couldnt eat, sleep, think properly. I had a bad stomach and kept having to run to the toilet and i would throw up, wouldnt stop shaking, crying and my heart was beating so hard and so fast. I would be scared when i was with my boyfiend and i would be scared when i wasnt it was hell. I tried breaking up with him because i was questioning all my feelings for him and naturally he was hurt and upset but i felr like breaking up would solve everything. Any other time this feeling came over me it was easy because i could run from it but now it was affecting a major part of my life and damaging a relationship with someone i love. when i would speak to him and try to explain my feelings they just didnt make sense, at first he was upset and hurt but when we realised it was anxiety it made much more sense. one forum which really helped me to read is 'Anxiety and Love' it made me feel like i wasnt alone. My partner has read up on anxiety and he knows that it's just irrational thinking, he is able to support me so much now because he understands it isnt me and it's the anxiety. As time has gone on this feeling of wanting to 'run away' from him has died down but i still feel very low and depressed with nasty anxious thoughts. My doctor has prescribed me propranolol 1 x3times a day and now it has been increased to 3 x 3times a day. this has taken away a lot of my physical symptoms but im just waiting for my councelling which begins next month. i dont want anti depressants because im only 19 but it seems like my only option if the councelling doesnt work :-(

2 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • Sarah812
    Sarah812 charlottem

    Posted

    #1 hell yes, I do this all the time smile

    It is very very annoying. It is like you cannot take the intense terror. 

    #2 don't disqualify meds yet, for my anxiety they have been a godsend. I am alive because of them! They take the constant worry thoughts away. Good for you for seeing a counsellor! 

  • Sarah812
    Sarah812 charlottem

    Posted

    P.S. often a mix of counselling, meds, and healthy lifestyle, talking to supportive people, reading and learning about it...all work together! smile
    • charlottem
      charlottem Sarah812

      Posted

      thank you for replying! do you mind me asking how old you are and if you have gotton over this? im scared it's going to affect me in the future with engagement and marriage. its ridiculous because i wanted that so bad before i had this feeling and now BAM it's like my biggest fear! i would take other tablets if they took this away but im worried about getting stuck on them rolleyes

    • Sarah812
      Sarah812 charlottem

      Posted

      Hi, I am 40. I didn't realize I was doing this in my relationships until fairly recently. Now I am more able to cope since I am aware of it. And yes I have gotten over it, at least mostly. What exactly is your biggest fear? Mine is a fear of being abandoned or rejected, so my old coping strategy was to make sure I left first. (Not a bad idea, if you are a primitive, reptilian brain!) Anyway, you can talk to your doc about meds that are best for you, and you can always get off most of these meds under a doctor's supervision (NEVER quit cold turkey!!!). My suggestion would be to learn all you can so you will be more confident and able to make the right decisions. smile
    • charlottem
      charlottem Sarah812

      Posted

      Wow that gives me hope! i seriously hope i can get over this whole thing. i'm not really sure what the reason is, it's like im worried that im in the wrong relationship or im unsure that it's right for me but i know it's all in my head rolleyes i just dont know how to stop these thoughts, if it wasnt for him i could never have gotten through the worst part of it. All my life ive pushed people away because i felt like i was making the wrong decision and once i had 'run' from the situation i felt better but now im actually in love for the first time in my life it's affecting me sooo badly. i really couldnt ask for a better partner and it's killing me that i might ruin everything. cry my mind also drifts on to other irrational thoughts where i feel guilty about anything ive done in the past and feel like a bad person. it's only when i talk it through with my partner that i feel relaxed! If tablets are the way out and the doctor would prescribe then i think i will go on them, thank you so much for your advice smile

  • eli_bird
    eli_bird charlottem

    Posted

    Im happy to see that you have a councelling appointment next month that should really help and you have already said you dont want to be on anti Depresants as you are only 19 which is a really posative thought ,so please hang on there and keep posting and let us know how you get on with the councelling :0 smile
    • charlottem
      charlottem eli_bird

      Posted

      thank you for your reply smile i have been signed off work for a week as my manager wants me to get back on track and relax a little, i have a doctors appointment next week and my councelling too so im looking forward to that hopefully it will help. I see the anti depressants as a last resort because ive heard they can make you numb? im scared i might loose every bit of feeling for my parter if i go on them sad cryalso my doctor has told me he doesnt want to put me on them because of my age. thank you for your support i will keep you posted smile

  • eli_bird
    eli_bird charlottem

    Posted

    thats good your boss was understanding and give you time off work to gather yourself together ,Your doctor isnt pushing Meds on you but the opposite so things are on the right track and time is a healer they say so good for your posative outlook it will help you more to recover smile
  • LBB81
    LBB81 charlottem

    Posted

    half the battle is coming to this realisation. the counselling should help. don't be afraid of taking medication. i was on anti depressents from the age of 17 to 26, maybe 27. i am now 33.

    i have recently started sessions again with a clinical psychologist and the CBT is helping. i can see some logic in it all - its not easy but counselling & medication can help.

    good luck and i hope you feel a bit better soon.

  • charlottem
    charlottem

    Posted

    Just a quick update on this situation. I have gotten so much better since i posted last.

    I had an assesment over the phone with a health care provider and because my condition was so severe i didnt qualify for their services and had to be referred to a more complex health care provider, a few days after this it was my partners birthday and we went away for a lovely weekend, i made a promise to myself that we were going to have a lovely time and that no matter how bad i felt i wouldnt talk about it because i wanted him to have a stress free birthday, the next morning (day of his birthday) my anxiety just disappeared! I woke up feeling great. I had an appointment to see my doctor and told him the news, he was pretty happy about it too. We decided that i would leave it lie and if it came back we would deal with it as needed. 

    A few days later my anxiety creeps right back up on me and i felt miserable, it was so depressing to have the feeling come back. The feeling wasn't as strong as before but i felt really guilty that these feelings were coming and going about my partner, i felt like i was toying with his feelings and with our relationship. I tried to break up with my partner for about the fourth time (I could never bring myself to do it properly because it's not what i wanted). 

    Then one day me and my partner were actually having an argument about a genuine issue we had in our relationship (nothing my anxiety had created). I was crying to my mum because i wasnt sure if we coud pull through, I sat down and i really truly contemplated breaking up with him because this was a real problem. It wasnt until then that i really realised how i would feel without him and I knew deep down in my heart how much i love him and how i couldn't not have him in my life. I was willing to fight through anything no matter what it took to stay together.

    This was hard at the time but now i feel like it was a massive wake up call. It made me realise just how much i love him and i want to be with him forever. Now everytime I get this feeling I can deal with it so much better because I remember how I would feel if we were to actually break up.

    I booked an appointment with my doctor as I felt like i was slipping into depression. He then prescribed me 10mg Citalopram which is a small dose of anti depressant, I started to take them and all my anxiety lifted from the very first day until about the third day of taking them. I knew my condition would worsen before it got better so I was going to carry on and ride it out but a complication arose so I had to stop taking them and today is my second day "off" i've had to leave work early because i havent been feeling well at all and last night I had a migrane that lasted for hours. I'm due to see the doctor on thursday because he has requested to see me. So that's where im up to!

    I will keep posting on here as this progresses...x

     

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