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Hate my life

Posted , 5 users are following.

Murray1967
Murray1967

In about 2011 I was assaulted and from there my life went down hill. I stopped wanting to go to work and when there I didn't do anything. I found myself racing home where I felt secure. Away from my kids I felt vulnerable but then I started to have a short fuse with them. I couldn't go to work in the end as I was a manager and it was becoming too hard. At home my marriage was failing and our intimacy stopped. I got in trouble at work and was forced to leave last year. My wife was drinking heavily and started degrading me and telling me that I was no longer a man. The insults happened every Time she drank. I ended up getting in trouble with police by chatting online and my world crashed. I started to see a phsycologist and went on sertraline. I had lost 22kg and didn't eat for three weeks. I had ensomnia, leg spasms, stomach cramps, dizziness sore limbs. The dose went up to 200mg. I then changed to another that made me more suicidal and I twice tried to end my life. I am now on 45g mirtazapine and feel so much better. I still have court to go and bad days are less now.

What I want to know is does anyone else have situations where they had we rational behaviour that made them do outrageous things that is against their beliefs?

I still can't go out in public or to local supermarket or anywhere where there are lots of people. Does it ever end?

1 like, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • lee34449
    lee34449 Murray1967

    Posted

    Have you been checked for bi-polar disorder? My wife went off the rails 12 years ago & did some bizzare things. We split up & she went with someone else, I could never believe anything she told me, wheras before she could not tell a lie to save her life. Her behaviour was a 180deg turn from her normal self. She was diagnosed as bi-polar & is on meds for it. She has settled down quite a lot, but the doubt is still there. It's worth checking out, Murray, good luck my friend.
    • chris14174
      chris14174 lee34449

      Posted

      Hi lee it's interesting what you have said about bipolar I am ill every 3 months and still waiting for a review I am very well when im well and so low when ill. Wondering if I might be bipolar although long story about what's happened. Have the meds helped your wife?

      Thanks

      Chris

  • helen23957
    helen23957 Murray1967

    Posted

    Hi Murray,

    Sorry to hear of your struggles, but the answer is yes, it does get better. You were well before, you'll be well again.

    Out of interest, has it occured to any of the doctors you've seen that you may be suffering from PTSD, following the assault in 2011? Maybe not, if your problems began before the assault, but if not I would so some research and see if PTSD resembles your symtoms and then run it by a professional for an opinion.

    All the best.

    • Murray1967
      Murray1967 helen23957

      Posted

      Hi Helen, there were some signs of ptsd and some other dissociate disorders as well. I feel there is some of that in my diognosis .
  • orange12933
    orange12933 Murray1967

    Posted

    I suffer from depression but I am yet to be diagnosed with it or given medication. (which I am waiting on)  On many occasions I do wonder what the point is in a lot of things and I have the occasional thought about ending my life but then I think to myself there is no point in ending it as I still have lots to live for.  I have done a couple of outrageous things in my life but nothing to talk about.  I do think I need to go on a anger management course as I find that I am easily irritated by other women.
    • Murray1967
      Murray1967 orange12933

      Posted

      Think you will find medication will take the edge off for you and help you to think straighter
  • orange12933
    orange12933 Murray1967

    Posted

    I also think there are just as many abusive women around as there are men.  I find that women are pretty bitchy and can become pretty violent towards other women or even men If they do not get what they want or they are jealous of other women/men.  Especially when it comes to women with their boyfriends/girlfriends!!!!
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