He said hed leave if I sgn parental documents

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I have to apologise for this...but I am in a total mess. trying to stop drinking, but asked partner to go. he has said I should sign therse parental documents and then hell leave.The thing is, I may be at riskl If I sign them and he doesnt go I could loos my custodial rights as he has legally no parental rights. thankfully just missed that unmarried childrens registration law ( phew) feel like I am being held at ransom.

failing with the drinking as this is hurting so sos os much and need the courage to begin to tellmy family. Posting here so everyone knows.....and broke my promise..had 2 of those pills yesterday followed by 3 glasses of wine. One to tell my sister on the phone , the 2nd to tell him that I had a lwayers appointment and the third, to stop me crying. I cant stop crying...sorry folks ...I am not tkaking citalopram at the moment on something else...but it doesnt seem to be helping Cant stop crying eveytime I see a baby , a child a happy kid I bubble like a child..theres more to it than that. But I want to get of these pills and go back on the cit because this is really hard and the suicidal thought s are a bit intense, esecially as I cant handle anyone tlaking to me ...and I cant really talk to anyone about it ...not yet. Sorrry truly sorry for this bad girl posting here, but desperate!!!!!!!!

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  • Posted

    Hi Bad Girl

    Please do not be held to ransom! He ia a bully and an abusive man. If you sign he will have even more control by saying- 'you cant kick me out or you will lose the kids!' Please talk to a lawyer or even womens Aid they have a free phone 0808 2000 247.

    You do not need alcohol for courage as you are a strong woman to have coped this long- dont give in now. Please go and see your Dr and talk to her. Your children need their mum so stay strong!!

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  • Posted

    hiya ladies :cheerup:

    Clarrie where did you read that Bad Girl's partner is a bully and abusive man :huh: Bad Girl has a major drink problem, she says so :roll:

    i don't know but just maybe the children might be better off away from her for a while to let Bad girl have time to sort out her drinking/head problems :wink: just a thought :huh:

    cheers,

    Ken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ :run: :rainbow: :rose:

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  • Posted

    Hi Bad Girl and everyone else,

    I think the first thing I have to say is we cannot possibly judge whether Bad Girl should or shouldn't keep her kids. Losing your children (for any reason) can be the last straw for so many people and I know from personal experience that alcholics can operate perfectly adaquatly around others and I certainly wouldn't have put my kids in any danger.

    As for BG herself and her partner, I agree that if he is using this perental order thing as a weapon or lever and not being supportive then he surely is bullying her. Don't sign anything until you have spoken to a profesional and more importantly till YOU fully understand ALL of the concequences. DON'T take anyone at their word, if you do decide you would like some time to recover without the daily pressure of children, then make sure that this is written down. DO NOT accept \"don't worry about the kids for a while, you can have them back when you feel better\".

    I hope you can beat this and have the strength to win, I know how easy it is to say to yourself \"just a glass to help me with.....\" soon you will be looking for reasons to have \"just a glass.....etc.\" The difficult bit is saying to yourself \"I can do this without a glass of...(whatever)\"

    You need all the support and help you can get and the sooner you tell people you have a problem the sooner they can help, by taking the kids (FOR AN HOUR OR TWO) helping around the house or even just chatting for a while.

    Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery

    Good luck sweetheart and I don't think your a bad girl, you just lost your way is all.

    Ian.

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  • Posted

    I agree Ian- at the moment she is lost! and Ken... well she may have an issue with drink, but living with a man you holds you to ransom for parental rights that he legally does not have is bullying. It is perfectly usual for women in abusive relationships to use whatever means they can to survive and get thru the day- alcohol, medication... BG clearly is in need of support and advice. This does not make her a bad mother. However for children to be brought up with an abusive and controlling man- now that is not good for them.

    Keep strong BG and as we are saying- TALK TO SOMEONE.... :D

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  • Posted

    For over the pats 4 or more weeks, ive been really struggling. Everytime I was in an open space ..I was terrified...heart racing..legs shaking and feeling so dizzy and lucky if I could move my legs, that I thought I would colapse. At first i thought I had an ear infection, but then when I caught myself cuddling lamposts , buckets , fences and unable to climb down stairs..i realised it was not right. I ve started to retake citalopram and I can now (day%) FUNCTION!!!!!!

    Im not really craving alcohol, though would like a drink, but there is a difference between feeling the need for a drink and felling that youd just like a drink Huge big massive difference, just like those open spaces I have to try and walk in to. I do now..I attempt smaller open spaces..and then move onto bigger ones...I still get moments of despair , but nothing like before. I mnot hyperventilating as before..and eating much better.

    Im more focused and enjoying my children better...and can even laugh about the fact that my partner..Oh its b ecruel to put it here, so I want...but put it this way...still waiting to hear form his solicitor. hes trying to get his hooks in ....I think its bad enough for the children , they are facing enough upset, without it even being questioned that I should have to uproot them from their own home, whereby Id leave him this place too..Totally out of the question , whilst he has rights....I know that....I dont think the law if 100% fair and when signing joint leases etc...these kind of matters should be emphasised over and over to unmarried couples, especially when its obvious who applied in the first place.

    Than kyou people for your support.

    Ps, the only downside is a little nausea and strange sleeping habits.

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  • Posted

    hiya Bad Girl :cheerup:

    i didn't mean to be nasty, but there are 2 sides to EVERY story, i just didn't like the male sexist stereotype image SOME women have :shock: believe it or not, men get abused by women :roll:

    i'm really pleased that you are feeling a bit better :mrgreen: keep the drink in tow :wink: obviously your not 'dumb' Bad Girl, keep us posted plzzzzzzzz :wink:

    cheers,

    Ken ~~~~~~~~~~~ :run: :rainbow: :rose:

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  • Posted

    This debate upsets me a bit because part of the reason I am in this mess is because people assumed things about my family life based one one persons perspective and ruined my childhood. Psychochief is right when he says that youve only heard one side of the story and you dont even know if that side is true I have seen people believe incredable things when they have a mental illness combined with alcohol or drugs (not necessarily you badgirl), I dont mean to doubt you badgirl and I really hope you feel better soon but I really think its a bad idea to be dishing out blame when you dont know the whole situation, instead we should just be helping badgirl.

    Stay strong and take it a day at a time badgirl

    All the best xx

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  • Posted

    HI BG. and to you to Psychochief,

    What wonderful news, I'm so pleased you have started to take the sillyprats (thats our nickname for them, HeHe) They do come with some side affects but if you can cope with them they fade after a while. Stay strong sweety and keep thinking about what YOU and your beautiful kids want out of life. The good thing about being on the bottom is, there is only one way to go and we all know which way that is ! UP.

    Best of luck sweety and please change your name because like I said last time. YOU ARE NOT A BAD GIRL, YOU JUST GOT LOST IS ALL.

    Psychochief, that was a very nice thing you said in your last post. I do agree that there are definatly times when children are \"at risk\" and I didn't mean any offence with my comments, I just think we are not in any way close enough to the situation to judge in this instance.

    Cheers and all the best to you

    And big hugs and kisses to you and yours BG

    Ian

    PS. It took me five years to be 'right' and I think you already know you are never CURED of this horrible afliction, you just put it on hold. In my case I feel brave enough to say for ever.

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  • Posted

    Three cheers for Lauren,

    I whole heartedly agree with you, the ONLY thing we can do here is give BG all of our support and best wishes.

    By the way BG about the Citalopram, I'm on 40 mg a day, taken first thing in the morning and my side affects were horendious, I was sleeping for about 20 hours a day, eating like a horse and the wind!!!!!!!!! well put it this way the locals got up a petition to stop me adding to global warming :oops: :oops: :oops:

    Keep on being strong (even when you feel you can't) you can beat this.

    Ian...............I'm an alchoholic

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  • Posted

    Hi folks,

    Okay, firstly lauren, i DID NOT any anyway mean to upset anyone. I can tell you and anyone else who doubts me, that I too have a childhood history, whereby one parent did blah blah blah and the other parent did blah blah blah...thats why , in most , well common law....is not domestic abuse that gets stapled to the legal documents.....its either \"mairtal breakdown\" Or seperation....so Dont get me wrong I know exactly where you are coming from.. My dad was accused of beating my mum , and my mum was accused of having an affair.....and some more.......and the reason I am probably scared to crossroads now, probably has something to do with back then! :roll:

    Psychochief..I am more than aware every argument has 2 sides!!!! Thats why its quite hard for me to use the term \"abuse\". However, after ringing for help over a very long period of time...and having question and questioned and questioned my own horrible behaviour, I realise that this has and is beyond anyone imagination, and beyond mine, and also ...yes, I am absolutely no angel...I know I am not..I admit that one-though at the same time, Iv enever denied my ill doings either ( think you got that too....I aint dumb, just stupid!

    BigIan-you make me laugh :lol: :lol: yes, I am still taking the sillyprats ( hahaha!)...and thnkyou for your support :D

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  • Posted

    Well said BG, I like a girl with spirit. I can see in the few short messages you've left here that your a strong willed person and nobody's fool. Every one knows there is two sides to every story and I think you are extremely brave to face your problems head on. I struggled for a long time to accept I had a problem and made excuse after excuse to prove I was right. I also know not every day will be easy and drink can sneak up on you and seduce you back into it's grip. Even today I can find myself tempted to have \"just one\"

    Good luck sweetheart and take each day as it comes.

    Ian

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  • Posted

    Dont worry badgirl it wasnt you that upset me. If you feel that someone is abusive towards you then you are well within your rights to say so because you have experience of the situation it was the fact that others had made up their mind about someone else without taking into account their situation which i feel is dangerous and hurtful and unfair. I dont doubt you or disregard the way you feel as im sure its justified it was the mob mentality that saddened me. As depressed people we know what its like to be judged, lets stop judging people and try to understand and help them instead and then maybe life will better.

    Anyway lets draw a line under that and keep taking the pills.

    How are you guys getting on? I do feel that i am slowly improving.

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Lauren,

    Its good to hear that your meds are having an effect and I hope this continues to improve for you :D . I think for myself I might need a bit longer on the \"sillyprats\" to benefit from them. Can I ask how long have you been on them and what dosage you take? I know everyones different but I'm on 40mg a day and it seems from reading blogs here that, thats alot.

    Best wishes to all.........Ian :wink:

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  • Posted

    20mg for five weeks now. Im still having the worrying thoughts all the time and oversensitivity but i think my mood is very gradually lifting but then other times i think it hasnt changed at all. I dont really know what I am supposed to feel tho as iv been depressed most of my life and didnt do anything about until recently so my doctor did say it could take longer to lift. I took venlafaxine when i was 17 for about a month and there was a pretty instant improvement when i was on that but i was drinking alot then and i had a complete wobbler one night and came off them and its taken me 8 years to go back to the doctor.

    So I havnt drank at all this time and that could possibly account for the improvement in my mood.

    I'm going to try councilling but my doctor doesnt think im ready, appartantly its quite hard so waiting until the citalopram is having a noticable effect.

    Has yours taken effect? If so what does it feel like and how long did it take for you?

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  • Posted

    As I said lauren, I'm on 40 mg, but I did start on 20mg and these didn't really get rid of the bad thoughts running through my head. (suicide, hurting people, instant anger against totaly inocent people etc.) Once I was on the 40mg. they started working after about 6-8 weeks. My GP said it would take about this long to get them \"through my system\" One thing I did notice was the fact I didn't need to bite my toungue or walk away from people when things were stressful, I felt totally \"chilled\" almost straight away. Alchohol, as you know, is definately off my list so I can't comment on what affect it has but you know its not a good idea to use it as a crutch. I did and paid a very big price for it (my first marrage!) I hope you can stay with it for a while as, according to my GP, these are the least addictive of the bunch and easiest to come off after.

    As for what it feels like, after the initial side affects died away I think I feel \"normal\" Calm, relaxed, able to deal with others, no panic attacks able to go to the supermarket without flipping out and more importantly I feel confident that these simptoms won't suddenly re appear and take over my life again.

    Good luck and best wishes..........Ian

    PS. I found having a hobby helps enormously, I dug up the back lawn and planted veg seeds which I've never had any interest in before. Hope this helps in some way and again good luck.............Ian

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