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Unsure how to put this across as I can't type as fast as my head. Lets try and make some sense here. Friday moving offices, I am responsible for lots of different aspects no one really helped me how ever many times I asked getting so p"""" off fed up angry frustrated, Self h""" art work quite a few times this week. Got upset, cried etc, took drugs to try and keep calm, end of Friday few drinks with the die hards then out for a meal and more alcohol no one was interested really in going out ended up being me and one other guy most of the night he was going home at 8 we got chucked out at 1am. We both talked about a lot of things I think I opened up more than I should off but he is studying psychology and seemed intrigued interested in my emotions feelings how I ticked etc, he also told me about his depression and problems too, Walked along the high street he turned off to go home. Now the problem starts I didn;t want ot go home, I lost around 3 hrs I think and I was soaking wet I had gone into the sea of the jetty not necessarily to drown but because I could, taken my watch off too left my hand bag. No idea how long I was in the water. didn't swim in the end.but do remember thinking I could swim out to the boats. Sat for ages dripping wet still didn;'t feel cold. got taxi home must of been around 4ish can't remember rang Samaritans after dropping all my wet clothes on the kitchen floor, opened up about a lot more things again i had never told anyone then bed. Up by 12 as had nightmares. Met a pal for drink and cake, home no alcohol head still racing up for work overtime why on a Sunday no idea as I hate the place. Chatted to the other member of staff who I don't really like, wnrt shopping then drove like a mad woman it was as if a blind, shadow came down over my eyes, mind head I don;t know driving down a tunnel I know I got up over 90mph bad I know but whatever almost felt as if I was possessed. I felt like Jekyll an Hyde Then go home, put shopping away as if nothing has happened.
Still no diagnosis from the tests I had, got to have more x rays, body hurts got stronger painkillers from GP but don't take them how I should cos I want to or feel the need to either feel the pain or abuse my body to make it hurt. Does any of this make sense??? It doesn't really to me. I'm really struggling but don't know how to put explain things. Stuff it button going to be pressed.
Do I speak to the Dr tomorrow? ignore all this hoping it will go away? give up? keep fighting until things go more wrong or right?
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