Health Anxiety Madness

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I have three boys. Ages 7, 4 & 1 and I am constantly thinking I'm going to get sick and leave them without a mom. It all started about 2 1/2 years ago when I convinced myself I had lymphoma. I started having a pain in one of my lymph nodes by my jaw. So, of course I googled. Now, before googling this of course I had normal fears but nothing like now. When I googled, lymphoma came up. Started googling that and literally had all the symptoms!!! Night sweats, weight loss, pain, and enlarged lymph node. I was so scared to go to the doctor but my husband made me. He literally thought I was nuts. The first time I went to the doc I felt brushed off. She didn't even wanna do blood work! So of course I went home and googling more. Husband made me go back to doc as I couldnt stop thinking that I am really sick. When I went back she ran blood work. Everything came back great. So why am I having so many symptoms of lymphoma??! I was convinced she's missing something. I went back again and wanted her to order an ultrasound. She did and my lymph nodes were all fine. She suggested I should go on an antidepressant, so i did and it helped a lot. All pains went away. THEN, I got pregnant w my third son and had to stop the antidepressant. Surprisingly, I did ok during pregnancy. I think my hormones took over. Even thought around 26 weeks I started coughing up blood then my calf starting hurting and it all spun out of control again. I was convinced I was gonna Die from a pulmonary clot. Doctors were convinced I was fine, but I couldn't shake it. That went away and I was ok for about 3-4 months and now I have been having pain in my left breast. Pain travels to armpit too so I am automatically thinking its BC. I breast fed for a year. Just weaned about 2 months ago. Since then I have a pitting too. I do have pitting on both breasts but its worse on my left. So the pitting and pain on my left breast is driving me insane and I keep thinking I have BC and I'm gonna die and leave me kids wo a mom. I don't feel any lumps in the left that I don't feel in my right but the pain and pitting scares me! I'm so scared to go to the doctor because I don't want then to tell me something I fear the most. Help?!

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  • Posted

    Hello there,

    Do you have a therapist or a counsellor or someone who is trained to help?

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    • Posted

      I have before and it didn't really help. My anxiety is brought up by the simplest things like a commercial about cancer. I can't read anything relating to that. I need to go back to the doc and get back on an antidepressant I think. Its spinning out of control.
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    • Posted

      I constantly think about it and its ruining my life. I feel bad because some days I know my kids see I'm not myself. I usually hide it pretty well but inside I'm sure terrified.
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    • Posted

      haha I haven't had it either, I'm still waiting on a therapy appointment myself so I might be able to get it.

      From what I understand, it helps you rationally think through pain, which can be really helpful for people like us with health anxiety.

      What kind of therapy did you have before?

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    • Posted

      Long story short, I had bad anxiety years ago, beat it without therapy, but it took over a year. I was good for about 5 years, anxiety was not a big part of my life for the most part, it kind of lingered, but it was not a huge deal. Then, last year, a really good friend of mine died before his 30th birthday unexpectely, and it drove me crazy. I became so overly concerned with my health, and now I think I'm dying everytime I feel a normal ache or pain. It sucks, I try to fake it through the day to get through work, but it doesn't always work.

      Are you kind of similar to this?

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    • Posted

      Im sorry your friend passed away.

      But omg yes! I have an ache and I Google right away thinking the worst. My husband will ask me if I'm ok and I answer yes of course! But inside im on fire with all these crazy thoughts. Cancer is my number one scare, second would prob be heart and after that the list goes on...

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  • Posted

    Hey ladies. I am almost laughing reading your comments here. I am exactly the same. Always about to drop dead of something and trying to pretend I'm fine to everyone! It's exhausting! As a single parent I get especially upset as I know I withdraw into myself when I am having a bad day and that is not fair to my son. At work I can just keep my head down and get on. But at home you feel you ate hurting the ones you love the most.

    I have had a round of cbt and it did help me. Gave me techniques to use to be more rational. My Dr has referred me for a second lot which I am waiting for now. Really worth giving it a go. I also meditate when I am bad, use a couple I like on YouTube, and this relaxes me physically and calm my busy thoughts. From my experience most of the symptoms I fear have been caused by anxiety / muscle tension, even tho you can't believe it can be that at the time!!

    That said I had a biopsy on spot on cervix on Tues that was all clear. I should be so happy but now I am fixated on getting an infection where the procedure was done. Health anxiety is a terrible illness.

    For now I try to start each day saying f it, if I am going to die tomorrow then I am going to enjoy today. I get straight up put the music on loud and get in the shower, try to have a sing and a dance while we get ready for school and work. We have to keep fighting. There is a bit of your brain that knows your being silly, and that's the bit I try to hold on to. I wish you both so much love. I really feel for you. You are not alone x

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