hell on earth

Posted , 4 users are following.

the high is soooo good but the low is destroying me sad one coversation can destroy the feeling with only a few words....then the down and the knifes look about right.....too bleed is such a release but comes with it the hatred and self loathing for doing it....if only i had the balls to just make one cut deeeper than the rest and accept it....that would be both the high and the low....there is no balance

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Paul, i can relate to the highs and lows that you have. i can't comment on the self harming as i have never done it ( can't say i haven't thought about it though.)  i've only just join this site, to read other peoples posts makes me feel i'm not the only one feeling this way.  it's good to chat about anything, it's sort of a release. sam
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  • Posted

    Hi Paul I used to get like that (not much now) and I worked out it was a false euphoria which is why the sudden low is so extreme.   It was stress with me with produced the euphoria and the more stress I was under the more extreme it was.  I would take great care with my work clothes and even put make up on to hide how I was really feeling from myself.   Inevitably a crass remark would send me down into the dephs and sometimes into floods of tears.  

    The more I tried to disguise how I was feeling the lower the lows.  I learned to watch for the false euphoria and beware of it to steel myself for the downs.   Forewarned is forearmed!   Hope this helps a bit.  x

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    • Posted

      thanks for the reply. i see your point but i am different in that sense. my highs are always when i spend time with my daughter. but when she leaves to go back to her mums, thats when i plummet and usually turn to alcohol which obv doesnt help things x 

       

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