hell on earth

Posted , 6 users are following.

Well as per usual things didn't go as planned, I got hammered drunk and was already suicidal and the alcohol didn't help.....so what did I do....set myself and my flat on fire......i was dead pulled out the flat but the firemen resuscitated me an it was touch an go apparently. I cant remember a thing but I remember the smoke alarm going nuts. Mental health hosp wouldn't accept me as I was under the influence so I was put into police custody and charged 3 days later with arson. I got bail but very restricted so I cant retrieve what's left or even go see my daughter. And possibly 5 years in jail.....this truly is a low feeling

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    You have certainly had a rough time of it Paul.

    Nobody should have to learn such brutal lessons, but life can be like that.

    No doubt it will be running through your mind over and over what you would have done differently had you been able to push the clock back, and I for one have no intention of even attempting to tell you what could have been different had you not been drinking, because you must already know that.

    It might help you to get yourself a good solicitor if you haven't already done so, and make the case clear that you already had mental health issues, which probably drove you to drink in the first place.

    You are not in a good place now Paul, so I would say this to you - rather than everything getting on top of you, if you do feel suicidal then please get in touch with Samaritans with whom you will be able to talk things over in strict confidence.

    We on this forum will do our best to support you through this difficult time so you will know that you are not alone.

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    • Posted

      If I could turn the clock back I would def do things differently. I would've barricaded the door so no one could get it, or even if they did, then it would be too late .
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    • Posted

      So you were definitely suicidal at the time of the fire  yes?

      Then you definitely do need a good solicitor to make your case, you definitely need to seek immediate medical help, and you should contact the Samaritans to talk things over.

      Alternatively please PM me when we can talk over your suicidal feelings privately, as an open forum is not the correct place to do it.

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    • Posted

      Paul, some people prefer to talk in private if they have suicidal thoughts that they wish to discuss.

      Others are perfectly happy to do it in public.

      The decision where it is discussed rests purely with you and nobody else.

      Some of the people on this forum have suffered in similar ways to you, so they should be able to advise you.

      I offered you privacy because I deal with people who suffer with suicidal tendencies all the time, and they prefer it that way.

      It is up to you which avenue you prefer to take, but that will not in any way alter the quality of help that you get on this forum.

      All the best. 

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  • Posted

    Aw Honey

    Things are obviously really difficult for you.. my 1st instinct is to send you lots of hugs which I am doing.but have you got any help medically,

    either medication or a psychiatrist or a CPN?

    I know that its difficult to get ourselves together when we have mental

    health issues.( I have depression. ) but have you thought about how

    your daughter would feel if you had have died? Write your little girl a note

    telling her you love her regularly, believe me that will go a long way a

    she gets older. Please get as much help as you can but know that

    everyone on this site are willing to help you either via advice or talking to yo, so if your feeling so bad please come onto the site and chat.

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    • Posted

      Thanks for the hugs, I never turn them away! I am on sertraline 100mg and I am waiting for a full psychological assessment before anything can happen. This time I will tell the whole truth an not hide my feelings. I find it difficult talking but writing is so much easier.
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  • Posted

    My heart aches for you Paul.  I have searched my brain for helpful words to say to you, but I can't come up with anything.  I am just glad that you survived and that you have another chance to battle your demons.

    Please don't give in, please.

    You will stay in my thoughts.


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  • Posted

    I don't know what to say to you either Paul except what an awful time you have been going through and still are.   You are not under the influence now but you obviously are still suicidal so maybe hospital is the answer?   Do you think that would help you?  

    I think mitigating factors will be taken into account and hope you get no worse than a suspended sentance.   Hang on in there for your daughter - imagine how she would feel if you did anything to yourself.  She would have to live with that for the rest of her life wouldn't she?   You may not be perfect but you are her dad aren't you  The only biological dad she will ever have.   Stay alive for her sake please.

    I agree - stay with us and we will do our very best to help and support you.  Bev x


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  • Posted

    Hi Paul, I hope you're feeling better now and having support.  

    It may be an idea to write down how you feel as a diary and take it with you when to have Dr appointments as it can be difficult to recall everything.  I write myself a list of points I want to discuss. 

    Take care of yourself smile

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