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Hello everyone.

Posted , 6 users are following.

cal36958
cal36958

Hello everyone,

Just to start this off, i will say this; i am ridiculously depressed and have been since i was about 17 (22 now). I am at a stage where everyday i become so irritable i can never get anything done, i can never get satisfied, and live in a constant backlog of things i think i need to do, Always chasing my tail, but never getting there. I spend most of my time in agony with no idea how to escape the pain, forcing a smile for my co-workers whilst i try to convince myself it will end.

But i wanted for my first post to be something of a positive message; When i'm in the depths of depression (like in this very moment) i feel the most overwhelming loneliness. But after looking through these posts i felt for once not so alone, even though everyone to some degree are probably strangers to each other, There is a sense of community. And as a positive act i just wanted to share love with all of you. Keep up the fight, and i suppose for the future; thank you for being there. I want to start making posts and sharing with you all. And i know this post will probably take up valuable space that could be better used for someone wishing in this very moment to be helped...i had to share this... in the hope that it might make someone feel even slightly less alone... just for a moment. I am a person who avoids doing things at the fear of failure, and i was incredibly wary to post this in the fear of mockery or something? But even in the face of that, i just wanted to share my love... With everyone... Whoever you are. Bless you all.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Cal x

1 like, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • gillian20097
    gillian20097 cal36958

    Posted

    Hello Cal.

    Thankyou so much for your post. For somebody suffering from depression you did a grand job of sounding as positive as you could given your circumstances and you should applaud yourself for that.

    I live with both anxiety and depression at the moment......I've always had it lurking over my shoulder and it has returned and disappeared so many times in the past.

    14 years ago I had a huge breakdown and when I eventually got well again....I was stronger and happier than I had ever been. I stayed well up until this latest episode so I'd say I did pretty good. Throughout them 14 years I didn't give anxiety and depression a second thought and felt I'd left it behind forever so it came as a huge shock when it hit me again this time.

    I look back and now and see that all the warning signs where there but I was too busy to pay them much notice.

    Well I am on my way to recovering again. It's been a long hard journey,I've struggled and cried and cursed myself....but I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel again smile

    My message to everybody is to never give up. You may feel at your worst today but tomorrow could be so different. I've had days where I've literally wanted it all to end,where I felt I couldn't cope no more,that there was no point carrying on but something inside me made me hold on and then amazingly the day after has been a good day. 

    Recovery is a up and down road where one day you feel you are in your way and the next day you feel you are all the way back to the beginning. I like to think of it as our minds way of slowly introducing us back into normal life. It broke down because it was taking on to much and wasn't coping so instead of totally shocking us into a life that made us break down,it does it gradually so we get used to the whole experience gradually.

    I wish you all the happiness in the world Hun. I wish that for us all. Just hang in there and keep smiling until one day that smile will be a real one xxxx

    • cal36958
      cal36958 gillian20097

      Posted

      Hello Gillian,

      It's great to hear from someone who is fighting back and doing so well at it!. It is a journey and can be a very long ardous one i hear. But i am very happy to hear you are getting there... i wish all the happiness to you as well! Thank you. *smiles*. xx

    • anne240
      anne240 gillian20097

      Posted

      Gillian thank you so much for your positive message.  I had depression for over 20 years, and have been on many different medications.  Yes it is a long hard battle, but, you, I and many others do battle depression, and hopefully come out the other side.

      I stopped anti depressants last year, and I am doing well after 17 months without medication.  The longest I have been without depression returning.  You are right, never give up the fight.  I have been as low as you can get.  Overdose, hospital, losing so much, but I battled on, never gave up.  Hard, but cannot let depression win.  We are stronger than we think. 

      Bless you for all the kind and helpful words you have put on this depression forum.  You are one great lady.  Love you lots.

  • angela2014
    angela2014 cal36958

    Posted

    Yes, one thing this illness SHOULD tell us, is take time to look after OURSELVES.  Learn to read your own signs, realise why you are feeling low, get your mind in tune with your body.  Heal.  And this is not always best done with drugs.  I am surviving antidepressants and that website has given me hope.

     

    • angela2014
      angela2014

      Posted

      Are you on any medications?

      I wish you well in your journey, hope you dont have to go over as many mountains as I am doing now  xx

       

    • cal36958
      cal36958 angela2014

      Posted

      Hello Angela!

      I am not currently on medication,  i was supposed to have my medication reviewed early this year but i never went back (stupidly). I am considering going back to the doctor and starting medication again, with CBT as well. I have been trying to fight it on my terms, by deconstructing what makes me feel bad. But it's hard to do anything with real conviction when you feel this low. Maybe it would be a good idea! thank you for your response. xx

  • jemimah88932
    jemimah88932 cal36958

    Posted

    Thanks so much cal...and let me add even if we might seem alone....God is always there with no matter what
  • UK-Ven-medicate
    UK-Ven-medicate cal36958

    Posted

    Cal,

    Your post are as important as everyone else are, no one individual is singled out for special treatment. We are a community and we all have our own challenges. Sometimes we can see things that are happening to others that apply to us, and its a community experience that reassure people that you can get thru the bad times.

    Some people say this community is a fantastic addition to the medical world that is very clinical. On here anything goes ( with in reason )

  • anne240
    anne240 cal36958

    Posted

    Cal you are not taking up valuable space, far from it.  You are very welcome here, and yes we are all very supportive of each other, and help where we can with understanding and a kind word. 

    I get very lonely too, and it helps so much to come here and talk to others who understand.  I share my love with you and everybody else here.  Bless you for being so very thoughtful.  You have helpedf me with you lovely words.  Even though you are yourself in mental pain, you have come here to help others. 

    We do not judge, and we definitely do not mock.  Depression takes away a great deal from us, and here you are giving hope back.  Bless you. 

    Wonderful to feel less alone.

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