Help!!

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So I’ve young I’ve been with my bf for about 5 months I feel happy with him but sometimes I don’t feel the same overwhelming emotions that I used to feel. I feel comfortable, and happy but sometimes I feel just nothing not sad but not overwhelming happy is this normal when puppy love is gone? Or have a just lost feeling but if I lost feelings wouldn’t just not be happy at all like I love everything he does but sometimes I think I should feel overwhelming happy like I did when we first got together like (butterflies ect.) but I’ve been hurt in the past and in the past I went from overwhelming happiness to hating what they do with him we went from overwhelming happiness to I still love what he does and his flaws don’t bother me or get to me. I’m just wondering is this true love or am I supposed to just feel overwhelming happiness 24:7 if I’m in love or if he’s the one. Most of the time I’m away from him is when I start to try and think about how I feel then I start to overthink and look up signs I’m in the right relationship and this stresses me more then I can’t feel no feelings but when I’m with him I feel safe and happy but not like when we first got together I also don’t feel happy around my family either so I’m wondering am I just an unemotional person or am I losing feelings forever. And if i think about leaving I cry and feel a lot of pain like it would be a loss not just my time but like he’s so perfect he does everything I love we have common likes everything and if I didn’t love him would I still like what he does or would I probably find things that I don’t like about him and let them get to me if I didn’t love him, I just need to know how marriage and relationships feel bc I’ve never been happy in relationship for a long time and I feel like my fear of being hurt is just makes me doubt myself so I’ll leave like my heart doesn’t want me to love 

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  • Posted

    That that’s a difficult one to answer, all humans are different no one feels like the next person does and so on.

    Prior to splitting from my husband of 21yrs, hand on heart I loved him but towards the end I loved him very differently. Do adore him but too much has happened to get over.

    I have now met someone else and I’m very much ‘in’ love; we have been together for 18mths so it’s early day.

    Who’s to say there is such a thing as true love or soul mates? I have seen examples of these but they to have their own share of problems or issues to deal with.

    I would just be as open as honest as you can with him; I do believe that partners owe that to each other.

    Also kind to yourself, because it seems like you are giving yourself a really hard time...this is something I used to be guilty of so I get it totally.

    And finally see a gp/family dr and get his or her advice on your mood. Big hugs. Xx 

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    • Posted

      So would you say if I love what he does and still love him but don’t feel the lovey feelings (butterflies 24:7) like I used to would I be able to marry him and be with him bc it would kill me to let him go I couldn’t see myself marrying someone else just sometimes I don’t feel the lovey feelings but I still am happy am I just on a more mature love instead of puppy love 
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    • Posted

      I had extremely bad postnatal depression after our son was born and was also diagnosed with PTSD due to his birth. And still sometimes struggle now. 

      After 4 yrs of tests and seeing different Drs and consultants my husband was diagnosed with Stargardts disease. It’s a generic eye condition which means he is going blind and he couldn’t cope with it.

      He lost his driving license due to his poor eyesight and his work sacked him because of it too. We had to take them to court and we won the case as the had discriminated against him.

      He sunk into a very deep depression and turned to alcohol and tried to comit suicide; I found him and resucitated him. I guess to much had happened for us to move forward with our relationship. More importantly we also decided that for our son’s sake that we should separate.

      He now lives a 5min walk from my house and he is doing brilliantly as I’m I. I have one of our dogs and he has the other and we meet up to walk them and we also talk everyday and get on so well

      Our son is doing amazingly, too of all his classes at school, he is a whizz at maths and can read so well; we are very proud parents. It was the best decision all round I think. Claire. Xx

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  • Posted

    I think, unfortunately only you can make that decision. If, as you say you love him and are happy with him, relax and enjoy it.

    If you are having gagging doubts then sometimes you need to trust your gut feelings and explore them. I work in the medical profession and we always say if you have a ‘bad belly feeling’ about a patient then you must trust it. By trusting it you can explore your feelings and can figure out how you really feel about him.

    If as you say though, you can’t imagine marrying anyone else or couldn’t let him go then surely that should tell you enough about your feelings for him.

    Relationship go through phases of feelings, ranging from happy, contented, angry and pis@ed off at each other. Just because you do not have ‘butterflies 24/7’  does that mean you love him less? Is having ‘butterflies 24/7’ a realistic think to feel?

    I don’t have that 24/7 feeling with my partner, when I think of him I smile and laugh because he makes my happy and feel contented...at the end of the day that’s good enough for me! Claire. Xx

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