Help.

me too 😕 I NEED someone to talk too also 😕

i also felt the same but i'm better now.

So if you guys would like to talk im here.

Its a s**t feeling I know. My first outbreak wad horrendous and i didn't ser a way forward but I started talking to guy online and we REALLY hit it off. Then he wanted to meet up so I had to tell him because it wasn't fair otherwise. He apologised and said he couldn't do it and he was sorry. I was heart broken but figured it was something I had to get used to and i looked into a dating site for 'positive singles' . l

Luckily he came back to me after doing a tonne of research and said its worth the risk for me because he needed to meet me. 3 and a half years later were still together and engaged now. He's never had any symptoms either even when we've had sex and I've realised later I've got a bump or two . Of course I've always got that worry that he's only with me because now he's stuck and doesn't want to spread it to someone else, but he assures me otherwise and puts my mind at ease. To be honest herpes rarely gets brought up other than "we cant have sex right now because I've got a sore coming up". What I'm trying to say is chin up Sweets. It gets easier with time and you'll find happiness.

Hi Melissa,

I just wanted to give you & other people reading this some encouragement today as I was in the exact same position as you 5 years ago.

I contracted HSV2 from someone I was seeing at the time and I was utterly devastated. I felt disgusted and self-loathed myself and had the helpless feeling that no one would ever want me if they found out. The thought of telling future partners filled me with dread. Not to mention, when I was reading about it online, there were reels of negative pages and didn’t really offer any form of comfort or reassurance.

Just to start off, it’s so unbelievably common; 1 in 3 people of the world’s population has the genital version & over half of the world’s population has the oral type. 80% of all these people don’t even know they have it because they’ve not had any symptoms yet. As such, there is a significant statistical likelihood that anyone you sleep with has the virus already (that doesn’t mean to say, not to practice safe sex).

Secondly, the virus doesn’t have any serious affects on your health. It doesn’t cause or increase the risk of cancer, it doesn’t affect your fertility & isn’t life threatening.The only thing about it is that it’s annoying when you flare up, which lasts a couple of weeks, and flare ups decrease in occurrence and is shorter as time goes on. There are honestly worse things you could have gotten.

Thirdly, your first break out is the worse one you’ll have. The breakouts that follow become less severe and recovery time becomes shorter as you build up your immune system against the virus. Be reassured that they only get better from here! Additionally, you learn certain triggers that can set it off (for me, I used to have it around my period sometimes). Some other common triggers are stress, trauma to the area (i.e rough sex) etc. You learn to manage those to reduce the occurrence. You also have symptoms just before you have an outbreak, which are called predrome symptoms. For me, I used to get a tingly feeling or it started to feel itchy, which meant I knew an outbreak might happen. The best treatment at that point for me was to take some tablets and just not have sex for a couple of weeks.

Fourthly, you can take tablets to treat outbreaks and take them long term which reduces the likelihood of transmission to someone else. The tablets I took (the ones I used to take are acyclovir) really were a God-sent. I used to take them when I got my predrome symptoms and it got to a point where I never had a breakout when I took them during my predrome symptoms. When I was ready to start seeing someone, I used to take a couple a day for about a year as suppressive therapy. During that time, I never got an outbreak and no one ever contracted the virus from me, or at least had any symptoms to show they did.

The rate of transmission from women to men through unprotected sex is around 4%. Using condoms reduces the rate by 50% (rate of transmission is now 2%). Condoms and suppressive therapy combined reduces the rate by a further 30-50%. The likelihood of transmission is now around 1%.

Fifth, I wouldn’t worry about telling people. I told people before I slept with them and broached the subject by asking when’s the last time they were tested and have they ever had an std before. Every single one of them admitted to having something in the past. When I then told them that I had herpes years ago, they generally were unphased because they’d admitted they’d had an STD moments before. Those that were worried, I just explained I’d not had an outbreak for years, and I take a pill everyday to decrease the likelihood of it flaring up and passing it on. I also tell them that no one has ever contracted it from me and the likelihood of passing it on is less than 1% with meds & condoms. Once they hear that, they’re absolutely fine with it. So I wouldn’t worry about telling people.

Finally, 5 years later, I’ve not had a breakout for years, I’ve not taken any tablets for the last 3 years and I’ve been in 2 long term relationships since then. No one has contracted it from me, and I honestly never even think about it. It doesn’t even cross my mind. Just be diligent, learn your triggers and take the tablets. You honestly completely forget you have it because it gets to a point where it doesn’t affect your life at all really, because it seldom happens. When it does, just take meds and abstain from sex for a couple of weeks.

Some websites that are really good are

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/datingwithherpes.org/how-to-reduce-your-risk/amp/

https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf.

I really hope that helps you and you feel reassured about it. People give it so much more worry and upset than it deserves. You’re still a wonderful person and having it doesn’t define you in absolutely any way. Knowledge is key & you’ll find over time that it won’t even affect your life!

Take Care.

i know how you feel but it will get better. i thought that no one would ever want to be with me and that i would forever be alone. plus my first outbreak was horrific and painful and seriously wondered how i was going to carry on for the rest of my life. then i met my now boyfriend of 3 years online. we talked for a long time and dated for a month or so and i told him before we got physical and made him go away and research. he genuinely doesnt care. i have maybe 1 outbreak a year usually in the hot weather or when im stressed but i have tablets to take as soon as i feel tingling to prevent it from continuing. they really help so see your doctor about medication. salt baths help too. it doesnt upset me as much anymore. my boyfriend has never had any symptoms and if i have any thought that i may have an outbreak coming i stay clear of him. this will not stop your life, it will not stop you from being happy. chin up things will get better! feel free to message me if you need to talk and i will help as much as i can xx