HELP

Posted , 4 users are following.

I am really hoping someone can help me as meds not working and im feeling pretty alone through no fault of my own. Ive pushed everyone away.

Just before xmas this year something happened and i only wish i knew what. Was like a switch had been knocked in my head cause from then it all went downhill. I questioned everything and everyone in my life. I pushed everyone away and i just dont know what to do.

I feel scared. Worried. Lonely. Terrible. Guilty. Sad. Anxious. I literally cannot stop crying. Im suffering panic attacks. Cant sleep. Eat. I feel like i cant breathe. My hearts tight and my head hurts and im terrified cause i think im loosing my mind. Literally loosing my head. I have been in a relationship for 5 years and i know he loves me alot as i do him but he too has been questioned and ive asked him to leave. Two weeks on i feel the same and so i know he wasnt causing this but i have nothing left in me to get back in touch. This is the 2nd time this has happened in life. Im 29. 6 year ago i had a mental breakdown and now i feel im back there. But why? I just cannot get myself together or out of bed. I literally am a in a mess. My meds no longer work but i dont want to just sit and cry to a doctor cause i cant get my words out. I have a good life. Why am i like this?

0 likes, 12 replies

Report / Delete

12 Replies

  • Posted

    Oh bless you.  I wish we knew the answer to why we are like this?  We all ask it don't we?  After 30 years I stopped medication.  I find I am now the same with or without anti depressants.  They really helped for many years.  I know what you mean about crying to doctor.  I have done that so many times.

    I think we just have to ride out the big downs.  There are periods when we are so very low, and then, I expect you know, there are better periods.  Ups and downs, good days and bad days.  I know if feels like you are losing your head, going insane.  It is a horrible illness to live with.

    I know what you mean about your relationship.  I am alone now because of depression, but when you feel up to it, you can contact your partner again.  I am sure he understands you love him and it is your depression that is pushing him away.  We all do that sadly.

    I find I have to enjoy the better periods, and ride out the bad ones.  Exhausting after 30 years!!!

    Keep writing here for support because we all understand. 

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thankyou anne240. I literally am beside myself with it all. My head actually hurts now and i feel i am loosing it.

      I dont want my partner to have to go through this again he was there the first time and i just want the ability to overcome this myself. I wish i knew what caused this i really do cause i have a lovely home, a son, a job i love and family-not many but theres no reason for me to be in the situation i am now. Im exhausted. Did you contact your partner again anne? What do you do to get through the bad times? This has been nearly three weeks now the longest so far and im petrified sad

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I think most of us wonder why we get depression when there seems no cause for it.  I think a lot of people would tell you that they are like you, seem to have a reasonably good life, and yet they get depression.  If your partner loves you, then he will support you through this.  It is very difficult I know, but I hope you have talked it all through with him and just say you need to have some time to yourself at the moment. 

      No, I am sorry to say my depression ruined my whole life, but that's another story.  I have been alone for 30 years now.  Don't let that happen to you.  You will regret it.  We do push people away, but really we need them.  A lot of people just cannot cope with a partner with depression.  Can your partner not support you this time too?  Does he want to?  Think about talking to him, please.  This is making your depression worse.  I could not even work I was so ill, at least you have a job you love and can still do.  You have a son and family, so think how lucky you are to have that.  Many people don't.  Take some time off work if it is all too much for you.  You say you are exhausted.  Take some time out.  Care for yourself. 

      Hold on, keep going.  What do I do?  ~Well I think about what I have, like children and grandchildren.  I remember good times, and look at photos. 

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      He wants to support me but i feel i am wasting his life. Well i know i am and i love him more than that To do this again to him.

      Im going through photos now and just want night to hurry so i can try to sleep but i cant sleep sad

      Do you think been alone was better for you and depression? Or would you have done things differently if given the chance back then you could have and felt you could have?

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hello Dear Give me strength,

      I too know how you are feeling right at this time ,I havebeen there many years ago now but at that time ,I too was thinking "Why am I like this I have a good husband a lovely healthy happy baby .and good home ,along with a lovely family.

      Yet I feel so bad,I can only repeat what Anne has said to you .

      Please ,please do contact your BF ,you say you have been together a long time I think .I also feel that if he does love you (and you say he does),you also say he wants to support you ,then please do NIOT prevent him ,for all you know ,this could be causing him so much more hurt ,he wants to support you ,yet you are stopping him.

      Please ,you are NOT wasting his life,believe me ,if he didnt want to support you ,or he didnt love you ,then he wouldn`t wait for you to push him away from you .He wouldnt have waited for that ,he would have left you well before now.

      As for pushing others away to, please try not to do this ,we realy do need others .but what we need more is their understanding.and your BF seems to have this understanding of you ,please let him back into your life,and take it one day at a time ,WITH HIM AS YOUR SUPPORT .sorry I am not shouting at you ,just trying to make a point

      do keep us informed .

      (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

      ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

      milly

       

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I will just add ,there are so many ladies in your situation,who would love dearly to have the man in their life ,giving them their support ,but they don`t have because their men are unable for what ever the reason ,please again I say take your BF and his support. He abviously feels the need to do so ,don`t` refuse to give him this need

    milly

     

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thankyou milly i just dont want him to end up like me. Without meaning to as im going down im taking everyone with me.

      Im going back to the doctors tommorow as i will admit i cant cope. I feel the biggest let down knowing how many people are worse off than me. If i could pay to have rid of this i would. All my savings. Everything.

      X

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      It will do you good to admit you are unable to cope ,but please don`t lock your long time partner out ,he will most likely not be happy at this moment knowing you have done so ,you will not be taking him down with you ,trust me ,whatever you decide I respect your wishes

      (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

      milly

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      contact your partner he loves you and he clearly wants to be with you....ask for a referral to psychiatric services and be the master of your own ship-you must believe dont give up hope and keep talking .thinking of you susie

      Please take note of what Susie says giveme strength

      (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))for you and your partner

      milly

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    hi there,pleasemake sure you go to your GP and be honest-I had a really bad time 2 years agoand almost didnt make itbut here I am-I believe they have me on the correct meds and I have also changed the things I could I started juicing and I have been feeling well-I still have moments...I think the trick is not too look for the why because often there is no answer its a chemical inbalance-thats not something you control-contact your partner he loves you and he clearly wants to be with you....ask for a referral to psychiatric services and be the master of your own ship-you must believe dont give up hope and keep talking .thinking of you susie
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      .contact your partner he loves you and he clearly wants to be with you....ask for a referral to psychiatric services and be the master of your own ship-you must believe dont give up hope and keep talking .thinking of you susie

      Please take note of what Susie has posted

      ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

      for you and your partner

      milly

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    How are you today ? Probably best on balance to reach out to your boyfriend if you can ? If you were suffering from any other affliction you would accept his help i suspect. Its the depression that causes you to push him away isnt it ? I hope you can persevere. As for meds, its such a complicated business. I thought i was well served by lithium plus citalopram, but maybe its effectiveness is wearing off. Or maybe too many stressors have just broken me for a while. I think theres alot to the "depression as an ulcer" model. Vulnerable individuals have their "ulcer" triggered off by too much stress. I am going to properly reexamine my life when I come out of this fog.
    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up