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I have been diagnosed with HSV 2. I feel extremely bad. I don't know how I can continue a relationship with someone if she doesn't have this. Of course I hope she doesn't but I would hate to lose that. 

I recently acquired HSV-2, too, and it totally sucks, so I know how you feel!

In any case, she will also definitely need to test, and hopefully she will handle the situation well. At this point, unless you both tested previously for HSV, you can't say who had it first.

In your defence, you never had any symptoms until now, so you are just as floored by the diagnosis. HSV is not routinely tested for, unless you specially request it or your doctor suspects herpes.

What was your IgG score? Did they also test for Type 1?

I'm so new at this but I believe it was 3.32. I'm not sure what that means. I know that I did get a fever of around 100 and a killer headache for about a week but I never felt any lesions or sores. I feel fine and so confused on how this has popped up. They did test for type 1 and it is negative. 

Okay, just checking. With symptoms (even though no lesions) and no prior HSV-1, that unfortunately seems to be a true positive. Prior HSV-1 can sometimes cause a low false positive.

If you only recently started symptoms, like a fever et al., lesions *may* appear soon. Mine started with other symptoms first, then a few lesions followed, plus one slightly swollen/tender lymph node in my groin. Luckily no fever or headache.

What made your doctor suspect genital herpes if you've yet to develop any lesions? That's rather curious! Anyway, hang in there! I'm sure if you explain your diagnosis with the same shock and distress as you have here, she will be understanding.

I was confused about my diagnosis so I asked him to check me for STDs for a process of elimination. Everything is negative or unresponsive excluding HSV-2. I guess it could be worse. I will speak to her and explain my surprise. Will I ever be able to have a sexual relationship with her again?

Of course!

First of all, if she has it, too, then there's no problem whatsoever, although sex during outbreaks (yours or hers) could be painful and might extend the outbreak, so probably best avoided.

If she is negative, you just need to avoid sex during outbreaks/prodrome, use condoms, and take daily antiviral meds as suppressive therapy. This will significantly reduce the transmission risk to about 4% a year, if I recall correctly.

Don't forget, herpes can transmit without symptoms/outbreaks via shedding, which occurs at random and unbeknownst to you. You are also more infectious during the first 3 months, if this is a new infection, so take extra care.

Which preventative measures you take ultimately depend on her own HSV-2 status and which level of risk you are both prepared to take (e.g., daily meds only, with condoms or not, etc.). There are many discordant couples who continue to have sex without passing it to the negative partner.

Thank you very much. I will speak with her tonight. 

Btw, I have researched genital herpes like crazy ever since my diagnosis and created a discussion thread with a lot of useful info from many respectable sources, so perhaps you can take a look:

https://patient.info/forums/discuss/genital-herpes-useful-info-for-those-looking-for-answers-like-me--482438

Thank you so much. It helps to speak with someone that has had an experience with this. One last question. I know this is something that you would wish on your worst enemy but truly how bad can it get and how bad is it usually? I'm very scared of the possible effects. My life has changed over night. 

Well, despite my vast knowledge, which I took it upon myself to "research" as a way to help me cope (also helps that I currently have way too much free time on my hands and little else to do, lol), I am relatively new to this nasty herpes business!

All I can say is that my first outbreak wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. Women tend to get it worse than men, and I am not looking forward to recurrences, especially since they say to expect 5-6 a year with Type 2! But I know of others here who fall below that average, so there is hope.

The biggest issues, imo, are the stigma of having this (we have the "bad" one), the fact that it's for life, and the fear of dating/disclosure, transmission and giving up spontaneous sex. However, I have tried not to let herpes change my life.

There is no scientific proof that certain foods can help or worsen herpes (but many will say otherwise), so I have made no changes to my diet, for example. My doctor gave me good advice, which is to not change my habits or routine, unless something proves to be a trigger for me, so that's what I'm doing.

So, while our lives have changed, they also don't need to. It's more psychological than anything. Now I'm just rambling, I suspect, lol! Anyway, good luck with the talk, let us know how it goes, and do come back here for support!!

Hello again. Well I had my talk and she is supporting me 100%. I explained how common this truly is and how we can maintain a regular life just have to be smarter about certain thigs we do. She is going to get checked as well because we are both confused as to where this has come from. I know that it can lay dormant for many years before ever knowing. You asked me what made the doc check. Well I got I'll with a fever and extremely bad headache. The doctors that I saw could never tell me what's wrong. I could tell the way that I felt something wasn't right. I never had an outbreak not even a small sign. My kidneys began having problems so they started checking me for tick fever and West Nike virus. Once those came back negative I really began to worry so I asked the doctor to check me for all STDs for a process of elimination. Fortunately everything is negative except for this. It has truly devastated me. My girl not only supports me but when I told her she was very quick to say that she would support me and help me through this. I am blessed on that aspect. I have a few questions:

1. Does this get better? I mean mentally. 

2. Will we ever be able to have kids?

3. Will I spread this to my girl or children by hugging or holding the baby? 

4. Are you able to live a normal life? Are you able to work and maintain life during an outbreak?

5. Should I expect to get very ill every time this happens?

6. Do some people never have an outbreak? 

I wanted to to thank you for your help. You truly have assisted me in this thing. I actually slept last night for a few hours. I think the hardest part of this is the stigma I am putting on myself. It's upsetting because I have always been careful and I am not a cheater. It makes me very angry but I am hoping that over time I learn how to deal with this so I can get back to somewhat a normal life. I am blown away to see how common this is in America. There is such a strong stigma on it but the more people I talk to I see it impacts all society's. I hate that I have contracted this but it is what it is and I have accept it and leant as much as I can. Again, thank you for your help. 

I'm happy to hear it went well and that she's going to get tested too.

I'm newly diagnosed (a month). It does get a little better everyday. You have to try to remain positive and not blame yourself.

You will be able to have kids.

You won't spread it by giving hugs. But if you have open sores wash your hands if/when you touch them.

I'll leave the rest to Feli. Really glad to hear things went well. Gives the rest of us hope in our future endeavors!

Oh, wow, I'm so happy for you!! I knew it would work out, especially if you presented your diagnosis like you did here! And you're more than welcome - I'm very glad I was able to help.

As for your questions, here goes:

1. Does this get better? I mean mentally.

Of course! Once you get over the initial shock of your diagnosis and the symptoms of your first outbreak, physical normality will be restored, and with that it's so much easier to tackle any psychological aspects.

Sure, you may feel down about having it from time to time (especially during a recurrence), but that's pretty normal when it's all still so new. It gets better with time, and at the end of the day, you're still the same person as before.

It can be worse for single folk, since the prospect of dating with genital herpes and having to disclose is very daunting and can be a dealbreaker for some. You are thus very lucky to be in a relationship with an understanding woman who is prepared to support you through this.

2. Will we ever be able to have kids?

Absolutely! If you both have it, then no problem. If only you, just avoid sex during outbreaks (and prodrome) and take daily antivals. That will significantly reduce any potential viral loads. Also, the virus doesn't shed continuously, only on some days, except you won't know when. However, if the above are followed, the transmission risk to her is only 5% per year of regular sex (no condoms).

Best to speak with your doctor, but you most definitely can have kids. Might be an idea not to rush it, however, since if this is a new infection for you, you are most infectious in the first 3 months to a year, so the 5% I quoted may not hold true.

That's for making babies, lol. Regarding pregnancy and delivery, HSV-2 should not be an issue, provided the doctor is aware of the mother's HSV-2 status and the mother follows the recommended antiviral med schedule. This, of course, assumes that your partner has it, too. If not, then again, it's not an issue.

3. Will I spread this to my girl or children by hugging or holding the baby?

Nope. Genital herpes resides below the belt, and HSV-2 has a very strong preference for the genital area, so rarely infects anywhere else (unlike HSV-1, which prefers the mouth yet is also less fussy about where else it infects). You can definitely share drinks, kiss, hug, hold babies, etc.

HSV-2 is not passed via casual everyday contact or inanimate objects. Just practise common sense hygience, so wash your hands after touching your genital area and probably best to avoid immediately sharing a damp towel that has just been in contact with lesions.

4. Are you able to live a normal life? Are you able to work and maintain life during an outbreak?

Lol, I sure hope so, because I need to! Yes, of course. Some people have very severe and debilitating outbreaks, but that's usually the first outbreak. For most people, outbreaks are mostly a nuisance but do not interfere with work or daily life, and when you're outbreak-free you are your normal self.

5. Should I expect to get very ill every time this happens?

No. First outbreaks are usually the worst. Not always, but generally the case. Subsequent outbreaks should be milder and quicker to resolve, becoming less frequent over the years. If you are taking daily antivirals, this will not necessarily eliminate outbreaks, but it will help to reduce the frequency, severity and resolution time even further.

6. Do some people never have an outbreak? 

Yep. Asymptomatic carriers can transmit the virus yet  have no clue they are infected or infectious, because they never have symptoms. Or their symptoms are so mild that they mistake them for something else, like a regular pimple, yeast or jock itch.

Once you have had a noticeable first outbreak, you are likely to have symptomatic recurrences, unfortunately. For HSV-2, they say to expect 5-6 times per year on average, but there are some on here who have fewer than that (one lady said she has barely had any since), so let's hope we fall well below the average!!

Wow, this must be a very long reply (can't see how long it is due to the fixed text box!), and I hope it answers your questions. Make sure you also read over my "Useful Info" discussion thread (link above), as it covers a lot of the above and more.

You are absolutely a life saver. Almost literally!!! You have answered a lot of questions that no one else could. My lady is laying here with me now and we are discussing how truly minimal this is. The stigma is bad and I know there is a possibility it could get worse before better but for anyone else reading let me assure you "It could be a lot worse". This is day 4 and I know now that the hardest part of this is my own stigma of myself. There are supportive people and if anyone is feeling real down know that you are still the same person you ever were. Some precautions should be taken but at the end of the day we probably all know someone(s) that has this as well. We are not alone and in all actuality it's very common. FelisCatus I wanted to thank you again. You are great. I will probably go through some ups and downs so you will here from me again but also I am here if anyone needs an ear.

Awww, you're making me blush, lol. But I'm super glad I was able to help and that things worked out for you after the talk you had with your gf. That makes me happy, and I really appreciate your kind words. Made my day! :D

And I definitely expect to hear from you and see you on here, whether up or down, or just somewhere in the middle, haha. Stay in touch and see you around!