Help and advice needed please

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hi all.about 6 month ago my very good relationship broke down abruptly with my was a shock and out of the turned out she had suffered a bit of depression again as she was allready on fluoxetine 20mg. Bit by bit over the last 2 month we spoke and it was clear she wanted me back and we spoke and spent a night together.a few week ago.i found out she had upped her medication to 40mg anyhow she blew hot and cold and then left me again instantly and no sooner had she left me she messaged me saying she just wanted to go back

To how we was and be happy and I was her I gave her a go again and after a few days she went cold again and said she needed to be alone.she told me she was in a bad place and had suffered depression bad.she isn't herself but I thought by now the medication would have worked as its been 3 month nearly.she seems to have fear and doubt and just seems this normal

For the fluoxetine to cause this or is it depression she's got and meds not working. She's recently told me we need to move on but part of her loves me still.she told me that she pushes people away and it's how she deals with so confused it's making me depressed.i love her so much and we were so happy lost.any advice would be appreciated.sorry for the long post.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Counseling and trying different drugs to stabalize moods can be helpful.
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  • Posted

    Sorry to hear she is no better. You must really love her. Depression is hard to deal with for her and you. Ups and downs go with it. If you are there for the difficult, tell her your not going anywhere and want to help. She needs diffeent meds. Or new doctor. It does take several weeks for the antidepresants to work. If this is not working after several weeks then a new doctor or therapy and her meds may be the answer. You really have to be patient with her and perhaps read up on depression to try and understand her better. Group therapy may help also. You may find a spouse support group, that can help you. Just showing her your not going away will make a big difference. Pushing people away is one of the things depressed people do. They really don't mean to a lot of times. I hope you and her can work together and have a very happy relationship.

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    • Posted

      Thankyou for your kind words and yes I love her more than anything.we was planning a house and life together and were perfect and she admits we were and just wants to go back to that and then it's like she scares herself out of it.wven last week she said she was going to drive to mine and let all

      The fear go over her head but she knows that's not fair on me

      As I've suffered enough. It is so hard.ive tried to be there and told her.but she is adamant I leave her alone and move on.the things she has said have changed so fast.i do understand her more than anyone does and

      Her mother even says the same that I do.i also understand a bit about depression and tablets as I've read up loads to try and help and be there.when she was on 20mg

      Of fluoxetine she was fine amd our love was like. I thing else.and it just went...I feel

      Like she wants me

      But is forcing me away.i don't get how the meds worked once but now

      They don't seem to be.that or they have just made her go cold.i feel

      So down and can't do a thing.dhes blocked me

      From everything and even her number.she isn't a bad person at all,it's sentiment to her as a person as how I've stuck around.

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  • Posted

    Been there, seen situations like this. For your own personal good, you need to deattach emotionally from this person while you still can. Sorry for sounding brutal, but what do you want to achieve right now? In order to form a healthy relationship both sides need to be capable to do so - to express feelings and be sure about their emotions. Do you trust that your girlfriend is still able to do this?

    From what you wrote it looks like her mood is not stable. This means that fluoxetine does not work as intended, which may be happening for two reasons: (a) the medication does not suit her well and schould be changed, or (b) the initial diagnosis was wrong. In both cases she should be referred to a specialist. Each human being is different, some people tolerate fluoxetine well, others need to switch to a different drug (some times one switch is not enough). Also, not every depression is the same - displaying subsequent periods of low and high mood can point to other disorders, e.g. bipolar disorder, which is treated with a very different set of medicines. Long story short, your girlfriend needs to see a specialist. She also needs your support, but YOU must be prepared for a long treatement and dealing with her moods... Be prepared not to take personally any of the 'bad' things she says - it's her ilness talking. Also, involving her parents and close friends (if she still has any) is a good idea. Depression never affects just one person, people close to the patient suffer as well and need to stick together.

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    • Posted

      Thanks for taking the time to reply John.thw thing is its doesn't seem like it's been a long illness or something she has lots.she had been on fluox for almost 2 year now and before this episode we was Absoloutley great.i don't think it's a long term depression or seems a long term illness as I've known her a lot of years before and she's always been fine and never said anything of depression.its like something triggers it and I beleive it down to her estranged father rejecting her when she was 12 after a break up.thats what her mum beleives. me and her breaking up coincides with us having a phase where looking back I maybe was too laid back and even dissent show much interest (I was having an off phase) and she always referred to when we broke up as her thinking I wasn't bothered and maybe that's the rejection thing again.and now she's stuck in this bad phase it's difficult to get to her.i managed to plead to her today to speak to someone proper and she said she would,I though she was humouring me at first but she said head she will again.i do t WA t to detach myself from her as she really is a great loving person.a dream relatjonship we had.i know I'm in her heart still but maybe this is all been masked.she just wants and pleads for me to give her space and says if it's ment to be we will find a way.very difficult situation.i do t WAnt to let her go and I do t want to leave her with this.i am in co tact with her mum regular as she was shocked by it and desperately wants us to be together.

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