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Help? Any helpful suggestions

Posted , 4 users are following.

sherrie63792
sherrie63792

Just been diagnosed about 7 months ago. I broke up with my finance previous to this and started dating and never thought this would happen to me ... well you know the saying. So I recently got back with my fiancé and he has melanoma cancer been cancer free for about a year but he wants to always have sex and I'm totally freaked out if I give this horrible virus to him. Not sure what to do and always stressed about it worrying all the time. We have been together a long time and we're broken up for a short period but I thought it was for good. So I slept with someone else that wasn't forthcoming that he had the virus. Ugh. Just not sure where to go and who to talk too as this is so stressful dealing with everyday. Taking vitamins and now no breakouts yet just a lot of tingling and burning this is putting a lot of stress on me and our relationship he doesn't want to use protection as we never have and he has issues with having cancer Just don't know what to do I feel helpless. Any suggestions? We enjoy our sex but do not want to give this too him.

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • DaisukeShino
    DaisukeShino sherrie63792

    Posted

    Hi Sherrie. Sounds like you are in quite the tough spot. I think you need to speak to someone very close to you that you know would not judge you no matter what. If that person does not exists in your life just yet, you have us here on this site to talk to. I want to be cautious with my advice because I am not sure if I can help or not, but I do value honesty above everything else. I am not sure that I am very helpful with that advice, but I will be here to show support to your journey. 

    Best of luck. 

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus sherrie63792

    Posted

    Does he know?? It doesn't sound like you have told him. That's your second step. Your first step is confirming which HSV type you have, unless you already know. You didn't say. Is it HSV1 or HSV2, and was it confirmed by swab test? It matters.

    • sherrie63792
      sherrie63792 FelizCastus

      Posted

      Yes he knows told him and had a blood test done. Ugh just so stressed about all this been with him for 22 years things weren't going anywhere. Ya I know long time so I thought it was time to move on. Didn't date right away got with some one that apparently drugged me as I don't remember much of that night as I don't sleep with anyone especially on the first date. And almost immediately after was having symptoms and had a blood test done which was negative. Then a few weeks later had another one and came back positive. I feel so dirty and disgusted with myself

  • a84369
    a84369 sherrie63792

    Posted

    You can take that antiviral medication daily (like aciclovir), which should prevent you from having outbreaks so at the same time reduce likelihood to pass it to your partner. Nevertheless, you should consult doctor about it as well. Using candoms only lowers but does not eliminate likelihood of the virus spread as you still have skin to skin contact.
    • sherrie63792
      sherrie63792 a84369

      Posted

      This has been a constant battle trying to avoid everything that would make me outbreak and also I eat heathy and exercise and take vitamins but it's just a constant tingling and sometimes burning feeling but no outbreaks yet It's just a constant battle

    • a84369
      a84369 sherrie63792

      Posted

      Can you actually control those outbreaks? What do you do to avoid them? I think I am eating very healthy and exercise but cannot control trem.. so that would be a very very useful information to me.

      Unfortunately I think it is somewhat likely you can pass it on even without an outbreak, but I hope myself that this is very unlikely.

    • sherrie63792
      sherrie63792 a84369

      Posted

      All I was doing good but I think the stress is my demon. And yes you can still pass it even without breakouts. But I also joined the pink tent which the dr also had it and she advised she has it it and hasn't passed it to her new husband for years and even had a baby naturally which they say is unheard of because there is such a high chance of the mom passing it to the child. So she is my inspiration. However I want to have sex but I'm highly afraid of passing it to him as he is doing so well now and has been fighting this disease since 2007. I keep beating up myself and have had several times of thoughts of ending my life as it gets hard to deal with.

    • a84369
      a84369 sherrie63792

      Posted

      Ironically you stress over the disease and that actually triggers it. But just try to stay positive, people die every day from the most random things, and as uncomfortable this disease is, we should be happy it is not life frightening and there is medicine to get rid of the symptoms.

      Your partner knows the risk and still choses to stay with you.At the same time you care so deeply about him. So you both love each other and that's the most important thing.

      Talking about that girl.. I am very worried about having a baby: giving birth to a healthy baby as well as surviving 9months without medicine.. I would love to hear more about other people experiences. What is the pink tent?

    • sherrie63792
      sherrie63792 a84369

      Posted

      It's a forum for women not sure about men who have herpes. You can google it Thank you but it's an everyday stressor which I always did stress about everything. Trying to get it under control. Ha ha. If there is such a thing. Thank you yes we been together a long time and when I split from him I thought we were done for good however I have always loved him just made a bone head mistake that now I have to live with the rest of my life.

    • a84369
      a84369 sherrie63792

      Posted

      I am a women, so will try the forum as well. smile

      I know what you mean though, one unfortunate choice and you have to live with it for the rest of your live. 8 years ago I underwent a successful treatment of hepC which i had from my birth and a year ago I got herpis, so feel a bit like dirty prostitute, but I'm actually a complete opposite of that, just very unlucky. Now I am trying to remind myself every day, that this is not the worst.. there are many more worse things that can happen to me. You know, positive thinking biggrin

    • sherrie63792
      sherrie63792 a84369

      Posted

      Thank you as I'm the same way, very unlucky and your right things could be worse however right now dealing with this everyday thinking everyone around knows that I have this feeling disgusted and dirty and shameful. It's so hard to get that out of my head. No one to talk too about it because of how I think they will judge me just so very hard. May I ask where you are from?

    • a84369
      a84369 sherrie63792

      Posted

      I live in Norway. And yes, I also talk about it just with my husband. But he can see how stressed I am about it and how I cry every time I get an outbreak, but he is being super supportive and basically just hugs me and changes the topic.
    • sherrie63792
      sherrie63792 a84369

      Posted

      Yes same with mine. But they really don't understand unless your where we are so glad we have understanding men in our lives.

    • Livelife
      Livelife a84369

      Posted

      I have read loads of stories now and normally women just keep taking suppression like Aciclovir and if you research it and speak to a doctor it does not cause harm to the baby!

      Normally doctors prescribe it to you anyway at 36 weeks!

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