Help!!...is Mirtazapine ruining my marrage?

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Unknown to me, my wife started taking mirt a year ago (15mg) and I only found out about 3 months ago. My wife is usually a very kind and loving person, but over the past year she has changed dramaticly. Over the past year my wife started to have nightmares where I would be woken to her screams, she has a developed a very short temper and becomes very angry with me, it seems like I can't do anything without upsetting her, she has started swearing (the "F" word) and even has spoken antiracially which is very out of charactor (she would normally tell someone off for speaking that way). Whats most upsetting is my wife has gone from someone who loves me so much (this is one of her facebook posts from 7 months ago " 33 Years ago ( 1982 ) When I was 14 years old I fell in love with this gorgeous guy .... Love him just as much today as I did all those years ago " ) to moving out 8 weeks ago. A week ago she accused me of grabbing her and pushing her against the wall and punching the wall, which never happened (I am guessing it was one of her nightmares). Worst of all is our 5 year old daughter is in the middle of it all. She has been in tears asking me why mummy and daddy aren't living together any more. There is more that has happened but this post is getting too long. Suffice to say I am very depressed and upset at what is happening in my life. Has anyone else had similar problems? is there a chance that if she stops taking mirt that she will return to her old self? (I did at one stage mention that  her meds could be doing this and she bit my head off instantly). What can I do to turn this situation around? Is Mirtazapine causing this?

Please someone help because every time I try  it only gets worse!!!

One heart broken husdand and father

Michael

 

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  • Posted

    Hi sounds awful.. I was on mirt for 4months it has so many side effects you wouldn't believe. . Has your wife told u why she is on it?? There are better drugs out there than mirt if it's for depression & anxiety. Maybe phone her doctor up tell them what's happening .. maybe arrange with the doc a review .. which happens every 6 months anyway .. you go with her . Has your wife put weight on at all?

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    • Posted

      Hi m1cha read your story and I was shocked to hear that it affected your wife so bad I was on mirt myself but am now off it due to weight gain issues.she needs to get off that medication see if you can talk to her Dr about it it's already messed up her mind sorry to say I wish you all the best for you and your family I'm here if you want to chat Cat196111

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  • Posted

    Hello

    Yes. Mirtazapine can definitely produce nightmares the kind that you wake up from screening and swearing. I have had first hand experience of this. These did eventually fade away and after about two months completely stopped.

    Perhaps you should ask her to go to see her doctor for an alternative? You could go with her to help explain what's been going on with her.

    What dose does she take? Does she take it AM or PM?

    Best wishes

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  • Posted

    Mirtazapine has helped millions of people. Just like every AD, it might not be right for some people. 

    Mirtazapine is the least of your worries right now...if I were you I'd want to find out why my wife was on antidepressants for a year without my knowledge. 

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    • Posted

      It was to help with sleep and anxiety.....I knew she was taking meds on and off, just didn't know it was mirt until she asked me to get the script, I then did some research and discovered that her meds could have some horrible side effects.

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  • Posted

    I think it could be mirt related. I have noticed I'm very short tempered also but the worst part I am sedated throughout the day

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  • Posted

    Very sad to read your story.  I wonder why she didnt tell you that she was taking these wretched drugs.

    In my experience, although I had odd dreams, they have not really been nightmares.  However, I can relate to the short fuse.  I am one of the most, or I used to be, placid and walked all over people and suddenly I became this almost violent person in thoughts only I might add. I was put on 30mg for anxiety (graduated over a month from 7.5mg)  as I had horrendous nausea for three months and lost a lot of weight, also I couldnt sleep and my heart used to race.  I have never really got to the bottom of it but maybe the mirtazapine are masking something else, for example suspected primary hyperparathryoidism.  They had even wanted me to go on 45mg as my father died about a month after I was taking the 30mg but I said no thank you.  I told the psych that I didnt feel right and not as good on the 30mg as I was on the 15mg and that I was swearing a lot at myself and my four cats.  She laughed and came out with some excuse and said she would be more worried if i were doing it in public.  I have been widowed since 38 so live alone fortuately but my language has been absolutely foul and bad tempered and impatient.

      However, as the weight piled on and I didnt feel "normal" I cut them down to 15mg and instantly felt better.  Then after a month cut them down to 7.5mg which I have been on for 5 weeks.  I don't sleep as well but at least the short fuse and effing and blinding (I hate bad language) has significantly improved.  I would like to cut them out altogether but am a little nervous about doing that.  If you read through some of the side effects of them it is quite alarming. 

    I would hope it could be possible to try and speak to your wife and say that you believe the mirtazapine have been the cause of her feelings.  The thing that worries me is the long term effects like osteoporosis and suppression of bone marrow so I am wondering what it can alter mentally and hopefully the latter not permanently.

    I wish you well and am so sorry for you and your daughter.  I hope something can be resolved.  The GP's are too fond of just dishing out pills without going into things thoroughly and the psychiatrists all seem to suffer with tunnel vision, ie. everything has to be anxiety!!

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your help Elaine, each time someone replies helps me greatly. I have tried to talk to my wife about this but she gets very defensive and angry when I bring it up. Not sure on what to do next. Betsy suggested printing your message and getting her to read it. I might try that. Betsy also suggested to read the book "Your drug might be your problem" which I did this morning and am currently reading, it is a real eye opener. One thing that sticks in my mind is that most people who have these side effects don't realize it and it makes it hard to talk to them about it, my wife to a tee.

      Thanks again

      Michael

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    • Posted

      You're  very welcome.  Just wish that you get something out of it.  I guess I was just fortunate that I realised how bad tempered and impatient I was getting on my own. Heaven help anyone who could have been living with me.  The number of times those poor cats were told their parents weren't married was countless with the added expletives!!

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  • Posted

    I am also sorry you are going through this with your wife.  There is a psychiatrist who wrote a book called your drug may be your problem and in it he talks about how people are spellbound by the drugs such that they simply don't see the negative impact they may be having on their health and/or personality.  Since the effects creep up on us, we don't make the connection and blame other things like "perhaps it's perimenopause.." or...So, your wife is simply not seeing it.  Maybe you could print off elaine's reply and show it to your wife.  I know how hard it can be to get a spouse to discuss this without someone getting defensive, especially when that someone may be under the infuence of the drug.  

    I would say a reduction is in order, but this drug needs to be tapered down carefully; withdrawal can trigger the same horrid effects as these kinds of side effects.

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  • Posted

    Hi Michael,

    Not sure as to whether you are still following your post but I wanted to let you know that I can relate to how you feel somewhat; except I am on the other end of the problem. I'm the one on Mirtazapine at 30mg. I am incredibly angry/volatile, foul mouthed at times, and I am very cold towards my partner. I have noticed this change and I am working at helping myself, this includes lowering my dose and also changing to Citalopram. I wanted to let you know that in my opinion you shouldn't give up on the woman you love, she needs you at this tough moment in her life, but she also needs to give back to you - and hopefully realise this behaviour isn't normal. I have acted in similar ways to my partner as you have described. Walked out several times, screamed and shouted curse words, lost my temper beyond belief and ended up on the floor crying my eyes out hysterically.

    I really hope this can make you understand more, and perhaps give you some hope. Any questions I'm here to help

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